17 Yo Sex

[TRS79]

I'd like to know peoples opinions on teens having sex under their roof. My son is 17 and so is his GF. Im not comfortable with the the idea of them sleeping together, but both will be 18 soon.

Perhaps I am just getting old. I do remember being that age and wanting to do exactly the same.

At 17 I wont allow it under my roof. At 18 I still aren't comfortable with it but they are adults.

I agree, personal safety is the key. With a 17 year old, sex would be the least of my worries. I was having sex at at 17 and younger (40s now), l would not want to bring hypocracy into the home.

I really don’t understand the taboo about sex when someone is of a legal age.
I’d much rather spend time educating my children about safe sex and having choices.
Sex is fun and enjoyable, and something a majority of people will explore. There really shouldn’t be so many worries over it

As I said , I have no issue with it. It's a perfectly normal activity.. and fantastically enjoyable. Why should I deny that to my adult children. ?

I am however really tough on making sure that the girls not only have appropriate contraception but also KNOW how to use if effectively. (A knowledge that appears to be sadly lacking amongst an inordinate amount of MN posters )
Along with reinforcing the facts that only condoms can protect from STDs.

For the boys , it's the condom talk (yes they squirm but hopefully take it on board).. whilst also to take full responsibility for their own fertility and NEVER rely on any one who 'tells you' they have contraception covered. Until they CHOOSE to become a parent.

I think if you push them away now, they'll be less likely to confide in you and have a positive relationship with you later on. If they are serious about each other, there's every chance this might last the long term, so you want to have a positive and supportive relationship with them.

They are legally old enough to have sex. It is the most natural thing in the world to want to do. I know it seems odd, as your son is your baby, but he will do it elsewhere if not at home. Surely you're better knowing he's safe.

I wasn't allowed to share a bed with my boyfriend at my mum's house until we were married 🥺. I only ever had one boyfriend and we lived together in our own house for a few years before we got married, but we still weren't allowed in the same bedroom when we visited her. What a prize arse she was, and it just meant we very rarely visited.

Unless there's a very good reason for controlling a young adult's sex life ie vulnerability, then just be a reasonable person and accept that they're exactly the same as you were at that age.

I don't think I would be comfortable with it, I personally have never had sex in my parents house.
DH is older so when I was 17 he was 26 his parents were fine with him having me stay over, he was an adult and obviously had been for sometime and we did have sex in their house, although not often as I thought it was disrespectful so we would have weekends away and we married almost as soon as I turned 18 and got our own place.
As the world has changed, I think I would turn a blind eye to what happens when I am not home but would prefer an engagement ring (or at least a plan to move in together level of commitment) before I would let them stay over in same room.

I know it is going to happen even if I dont want it to

Why don't you want it to happen? Do you expect your son to be a blushing virgin on his wedding nigh? Ain't gonna happen!

*night, even!

@Anotherusefulname

You would prefer an engagement ring? I would be seriously concerned if a 17 year old was engaged!

I absolutely would.
I was engaged at 17. Married at 18.
As was my mum.
I can't stand the Tarting around that is apparently acceptable nowadays for girls and boys.
I would be very unhappy if either of my children thought it was acceptable to have sex with someone they weren't long term committed to.
It is with a heavy heart I accept that times have changed and chastity and morality are not valued like they were hence saying I would turn a blind eye but I certainly wouldn't be encouraging it.

We have two girls, now 25 and 22. We did not let boyfriends sleep overnight in the house before they were 18 but the girls were allowed to bring friends of both sexes to the house during the day throughout their childhood. As others have said, there is no point trying to stop them, they will do it anyway. The role of us as parents is to make sure they know how make decisions about sex and friendships, not to make the decisions for them. My SIL and BIL, who have four girls and a very restrictive attitude to allowing them to meet boys, ended up with three of them pregnant from casual sex before the age of 20.

@Anotherusefulname times have changed

I would be okay with it. My mother wasn't and I had sex in the woods, the park, alleyways etc. It wasn't safe and I would rather them have it somewhere warm and comfortable. I would be fine with an established relationship but not one night things simply from a safety perspective - stranger in the house.

Chastity and morality weren't as common as you might think in the past by the way. My nan told me all the girls/women were sleeping with their sweethearts before marriage back in the day, especially around the wars and there were many quickie weddings when they got pregnant.

Chastity and morality weren't as common as you might think in the past by the way.

Sex was simply more hidden!

My parents knew I was having sex but we weren't allowed to share a bed at mine. We just would go and find other places or go to his house! You can't stop them..

My (then) 16 year old daughter and her slightly older boyfriend went up to her room one late afternoon while I was cooking dinner in the kitchen below and her 13 year old brother was doing his homework in the next bedroom and proceeded to have vigorous, noisy but mercifully brief sex. I was not amused, in fact it made me feel quite ill.

No one wants to think of their kids having sex.

However they are both old enough , and I'm.of the camp that I'd rather they were safe warm and comfortable in an an environment where hopefully one or preferably even both felt they had someone they could trust to talk to, rather than force them to think that what they had was so dirty and shameful they have to hide it. What if the girl friends parents were like that? I couldn't risk them having no one at all in their corner.

My parents let my bf stay over when was 17. My mum was completely of the view she’d rather I was safe & comfortable than in an alleyway/park/car

As for ‘ppl didbt have sex outside marriage in the past’, oh they really really did.

I certainly didn’t want to listen to it so as I lived on my own, I went out a lot to leave the house free! I’m sure my daughter and her partner made the most of the opportunity and thankfully I didn’t have to hear it later!

Everyone is different. You have the right to feel comfortable in your own home and if children having sex in your home makes you uncomfortable then it's just a no.
Also you may also have younger children to think about. How they might perceive your decision to have your son's partner over.

I’m torn on this really. Part of me wants to say I wouldn’t be comfortable nor would I allow girlfriends in the bedroom if I knew they were actively having sex. When I was younger I never brought a boyfriend home to sit in my bedroom nor did I ever have a boy sleep over and this was purely out of respect for my father who I lived with full time.

The other half of me wants to say it’s better you know where they are doing it and you can ensure the safeness of any activities under your roof (buying your son condoms). Obviously they would need to respect everyone in the house volume-wise or wait until everyone has left.

It’s a tough one

My son and his girlfriend are almost 17 and she practically lives here at the weekends

I had a chat with them both and banned her from staying over until she went to the doctors and sorted out contraception, which she did with her older sister.

After that as long as i dont see or hear anything I turn a blind eye as I like them here where it's safe and I can keep an eye on them

@Anotherusefulname

Why do you assume that chastity and morality go hand in hand? There are people who have perfectly safe, respectful, casual sex with like minded partners - no mixed messages, mutual consent and respect, and then they go on their merry way...

There are also "chaste" people who treat their partners like garbage and married people who are disrespectful, abusive, immoral, etc...

Once you realise that virginity is a made up concept that doesn't actually have any value whatsoever, you realise that there's nothing wrong with casual sex as long as it's safe and consensual.

I first had sex at just turned 16 under my boyfriends roof.
Following that we did it in the car; car park; club bathrooms; at the park; just about anywhere really...sorry if this isn’t making you feel better.
On the plus side, we are married now 😁

Just talk to your dc and make sure it’s safe sex they’re having. Other than that, I’m afraid it’s going to happen 😔