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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend problemos

53 replies

Prettyme12 · 29/12/2019 01:10

I think my boyfriend is really unfair in arguments and is unwilling to hear anything I have to say. His anger gets the better of him and he can see nothing but red, even at the smallest of things. For example, I spend a lot of time at his house and I fancied a night at home because we are going away for the next four days and I needed to get my life together. We woke up this morning and I was like I will leave at some point this afternoon. To add, he woke up and was being off with me (this happens on a regular occurrence, moods throughout the day and unpredictable), and anytime I asked him something he would give me a short blaze answer. He then remembered that it was his friend X was party this evening and called his friend who was arranging it for the details. They then asked if I was coming and he said probably not, she needs to be home. So I sat there thinking well he hasn't asked me if I wanted to come and I know I said I was, but thats because I didn't realise there was a plan. He carried on making arrangements and could tell I was being moody, but didn't ask me if everything was ok (where as when its the other way round I try and always make him feel better). After a few hours he was trying to be playful, so I said to him if you want it to just be a friends night I get that, but why not just say? You orbs don't want me there! And he replied by saying what are you talking about, you've always been invited and look I was speaking about it yesterday and you are on the list! I was like ok, but you still haven't invited me and I am not a mind reader, how was I to know. Then I was like you should have told me earlier because I could have gone home, got my stuff and come out. And then he just lost it, screaming at me, throwing stuff round his room. Saying this isn't a real problem and how I have no problems and XYZ in his life is a problem and I am the problem and then told me to get the f* out and I have ruined his party. This may seem like a pathetic example, but in no circumstance am I allowed to say how I feel about anything because its all stupid and I am an idiot and he has so much going on. All I wanted was a little bit of attention. On the day of my friend Christmas party he didn't speak to me all day and I tried to give him the example of how I dealt with him nicely and he finally came around. With this example he chucked things around, broke his heater. Being with someone with anger management is hard

OP posts:
dodgeballchamp · 29/12/2019 01:14

Why do you want to be with someone who throws things around the room when they’re angry? That’s not a normal or proportionate reaction. Have more self respect and dump him

GreenTulips · 29/12/2019 01:16

Does he smoke the funny stuff by any chance?

YellowJellyfish · 29/12/2019 01:22

Dump

eveshopper · 29/12/2019 01:27

I think my boyfriend is really unfair in arguments

First sentence. My issue would that you are having 'arguments' not how he acts during them.

Dump him, this isn't a good relationship for you.

DramaAlpaca · 29/12/2019 01:34

Have a think about what you've written. Do you really want to be with someone who treats you like that? The anger issues are very concerning. I'd be gone.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 29/12/2019 01:36

Does he smoke a lot of weed?

Prettyme12 · 29/12/2019 15:27

To make matters worse, I texted him saying I hope you have a good night and he ignored my text and then today we were meant to go to his family friends engagement party, so I called him at 1 and he didn't answer, but responded that he was at the party!! All I want to do is tell him how much of a child I think he is, but he will definitely twist it and say that its my fault and that I should have gone to his Christmas party..... how do you deal with someone like this?

OP posts:
Prettyme12 · 29/12/2019 15:28

He self proclaims that he is the angriest person in the world, but what am I meant to do with that?

OP posts:
moreturkeyforme · 29/12/2019 15:30

He self proclaims that he is the angriest person in the world, but what am I meant to do with that?

What are you meant to do with that ? Easy. Dump him. It will only get worse.

eveshopper · 29/12/2019 15:32

He self proclaims that he is the angriest person in the world, but what am I meant to do with that?

Nothing. Leave him to it.

thickwoollytights · 29/12/2019 15:34

Being with someone with anger management is hard

He isn't managing his anger at all and his over reactions are childish and rather pathetic

You surely deserve better than this idiot don't you?

Bananalanacake · 29/12/2019 15:34

You don't live together. Keep it that way.

eveshopper · 29/12/2019 15:46

how do you deal with someone like this?

By lifting your head and walking away.

Bananalanacake · 29/12/2019 16:38

How long have you been together.

Frenchw1fe · 29/12/2019 16:43

You wanted a night at home but then complained you weren't invited to a party.
He acts like an infant having a tantrum.
You both sound immature to me.

travellover · 29/12/2019 16:43

Honestly this sounds like a really immature relationship (obviously him) he doesn't sound like the right 'man' for you he sounds like a teenager

Prettyme12 · 29/12/2019 16:46

just over 2 years

OP posts:
Miniloso · 29/12/2019 16:47

Horrible situation, he sounds like he is at war with you. I’d end it!!

fishonabicycle · 29/12/2019 16:52

Er, put him on the first train to dumpsville.

JustASmallTownCurl · 29/12/2019 17:10

He self proclaims that he is the angriest person in the world, but what am I meant to do with that?

You're meant to recognise that not only does he say this, he acts on this by escalating arguments and throwing stuff around the room. And then you're meant to end the relationship.

To be honest it sounds like a generally toxic relationship where everything is already strained and on a knife edge.

Two years? You gave it a shot. Don't you want to end it and find someone you won't have a toxic life with and will have a conversation instead of throwing shit around and shouting?

Not to patronise but are you very young? You have the rest of your life to be happy and not with an arsehole!

Sn0tnose · 29/12/2019 17:18

He self proclaims that he is the angriest person in the world, but what am I meant to do with that?. You are meant to say ‘I am worth more than this. I am done’ and then walk away. It’s the only sensible thing to do.

You don’t say how old you are, but the pair of you sound quite young. You have a million options available to you. You don’t have to put up with anyone’s shit.

Prettyme12 · 29/12/2019 17:22

I am 25 and he is 26

OP posts:
Prettyme12 · 29/12/2019 17:23

He does it in situations with his family as well, I just don't understand why someone wouldn't want to get help? Or at least want to make positive changes? I find it hard because I think I should be doing something more, but then I cant change his way of thinking

OP posts:
JustASmallTownCurl · 29/12/2019 17:29

My love if you stay in this relationship you are going to ruin your life.

His family likely don't help because they don't know any different, perhaps he is used to people interacting that way and it's why he does it too.

But it doesn't matter why he behaves that way. What matters is you realising that you can't change his behaviour and he has shown absolutely no interest in improving your relationship.

He thinks you'll put up with it and he can get away with being a dickhead, a bully and decreasing your self confidence forever.

Prove him wrong.

You're 25 years old. You may have another 50/60+ years on this planet! Do you really want to spend any more of them on this toxic relationship?

GreenTulips · 29/12/2019 17:35

Stop trying to fix him. You can’t. He won’t change.

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