Husband a selfish knob...

[Tryingtowininlife]

Hi all!
First time poster so please go easy on me 😫
My husband spends most of his time coaching/socialising at rugby club and I’m about to lose the plot! We both work full time and we have 3 kids together. Every Tuesday & Thursday evening, All day Saturday and Sunday morning is spent at the club which makes doing anything together as a family pretty impossible! Tuesday and Thursdays are rugby practice evenings and team selection- he’s usually there at about 6pm and comes home anytime between 9.30-11pm!! Saturday he’s away all bloody day and doesn’t get home until after 9pm (usually returns pissed up) and Sunday morning he coaches until about 2pm.
Ive honestly had enough- I feel like he’s taking the piss out of me all the time and I’m getting really annoyed that all my evenings and weekends seem to fit around his rugby! I know he doesn’t have to go to every game as when he’s got something planned with his mates he goes out with them and someone else does the coaching. I get that he’s got a hobby but should his hobby be affecting his home and family time??? I honestly feel like a single parent!!!
Help please before I smack him around the head with the wok (which is looking like a great idea at moment 🤪)

Well mine has been away fishing for 2 days even though there are jobs that need doing at home ... men are selfish imho

When you talk to him be really blunt. Tell him that this is his last opportunity to reach a reasonable balance between rugby and family, and that if he doesn't then you will file for divorce. Point out that he's unlikely to ever see his children as he'll be too busy playing rugby and you certainly won't be running round facilitating access for him.

What's he like with intimacy @Tryingtowininlife? Asking because my ex-husband used his job and hobbies to keep me permanently at arms length. Never discussed his thoughts/feelings with me. Stonewalled/disappeared if I tried to argue with him so nothing ever got resolved. Couldn't bear to be home, always an excuse to go out. Walked yards ahead of me at a pace I couldn't keep up. But still wanted the normality of wife, home and children.

I eventually realised that without the hobbies he would still be the self obsessed avoidant he was underneath. Hope that isn't the case with your husband.

Well if you separate he will have them every other weekend.
I would suggest a compromise of once a month he spends with you all as a family.
If not then you can separate and he can do his hobby only twice a month instead of 3 times.
He IS taking the piss.
You know this OP.
Time for some ultimatums but be ready to follow them through!
He won't give in without a fight.
You've made it far too easy for him so far and enabled this in him.
It will take some 'unlearning' on his part.

My entire 20 year marriage involved my husband prioritising his hobbies over me. We are now divorced and I am so much happier.
Divorce may not be a bad option if he refuses to listen to you.

@Rottnest .. nailed it exactly...

When I realised that ( exactly as you said ) I walked and have never looked back ...

The saddest thing was he then said “ now that I know you will leave .. I’ll get my act together “ ..
Nope ... if you will only do the decent thing because the consequences are not pleasing to you then I am not interested.
I wanted to be with someone who did the right thing off his own back and conscience not because I threatened to break up the relationship and family .

OP ... listen to Rottnest and the other posters on this ...
he won’t change ...
move on and start a life for yourself and your children. You deserve better

Good luck xx