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Original poster

After 4 years together, do you miss your OH when you’re apart?

43 replies

Nifflernancy · 27/12/2019 16:47

I just wanted to get other people’s perspectives....

If you’ve been together 4 years (or thinking back to that point) do you miss your partner if you’re away from them for a week? I’ve just spent Christmas away from DP and I haven’t really thought of him, haven’t spoken on phone, not really that bothered to be honest.... We’ve both had busy weeks with lots of others around us, but our relationship has been rocky for a while - or at my end, anyway. We haven’t had regular sex (maybe once a month) for the last few years due to medication I was on which totally killed my sex drive. I was only on that medication for 6 months but it never came back. I feel it’s really affected our relationship but he seems to cope better with it.

I feel a lot of affection for him day to day and love doing things with him, but I’m not that bothered about kissing and definitely not anything more intimate. And now I guess I’m not that bothered about seeing him for a week (we live together usually).

Help!

OP posts:
labazsisgoingmad · 27/12/2019 16:51

i miss my oh terribly when we are apart. we run our own dog walking business so spend lots of time together in van but we also do home sitting which means nights apart. we have stayed in some really posh places bordering and over a million pounds but even though some houses are like a second home we do them so often its gutting being apart. i usually do the home sitting but the first xmas we had together we were 30 miles apart in different houses and could not see each other because of freezing fog and icy roads very rural area so no gritting the 29 th could not come round quick enough. i enjoy homesitting in some ways but others its a killer

Ilikewinter · 27/12/2019 16:52

Yeah I would miss OH if Id spent a week away, we would definately be in touch, even if we hadnt phoned each other we would send texts. I think youve possibly answered your own question here, maybe the relationship has run its course.

Thistle23 · 27/12/2019 16:54

Not a chance I could go that long apart. If I did then i would be thinking of him.

beautifulstranger101 · 27/12/2019 16:55

Not for a week, no. In fact, I'd relish the bed to myself, full control of the remote and the peace and quiet!

That doesnt mean I dont love him- but I'm quite introverted by nature so I replenish myself by being alone and I'm perfectly content in my own company. I put this down to being an only child and getting very used to being on my own.

Caspianberg · 27/12/2019 16:55

10 years here, yes I still miss him.

We both have to travel fairly regularly for work, usually a week at a time. Its obviously fine, and we are used to being apart for say that week, but we will still usually call each other every day if there is the chance, or leave a message if they are busy or timezone difference.

I would find it strange to have no contact at all for the week.

Dollywilde · 27/12/2019 16:57

We spent a week apart when DH was on secondment earlier this year. We’d been together 7 years at that point, married 18 months.

I don’t necessarily text him every day when we’re at work like I did when we were first dating, and god knows we can wind each other up sometimes, but I can’t imagine going a day without speaking to him, even if it’s just a quick ‘miss you so much, hope you’re having fun xxxxx’ WhatsApp message.

Sorry if that’s not what you’re looking to hear OP.

Ohyesiam · 27/12/2019 16:58

I have been with DH for 17 years, love him deeply. We got married last summer, it was incredibly romantic and special. But I don’t miss him when we’re apart. But to be fair I’ve never spent more than a few days without him.
I have only ever missed our kids when they are on school trips, im just not a missing sort of person ( I’m not an extrovert and really love my solitary time).
As a young woman I missed people, but since moving into adulthood I don’t. It doesn’t feel like a measure of love to me.

Sn0tnose · 27/12/2019 17:01

I’m usually fine for a night or two and enjoy watching things he wouldn’t necessarily enjoy, or reading, etc. But after that I start to miss him. If one of us is away, we stay in regular contact with calls and texts.

Original poster
Nifflernancy · 27/12/2019 17:01

Sorry just to clarify, we have sent texts during the day (though not that much - maybe 5/6 sets of messages a day) but we’ve both been v busy with our families. But not spoken on the phone as we might have done previously. But then he hasn’t asked if I’m free to talk either!

OP posts:
PerfectionistProcrastinator · 27/12/2019 17:03

Together for 5 years. Yes I would miss him if we were apart for a week but I also really enjoy spending time alone.

He’s away sometimes for work and we talk every day but it’s not as though I pine for him. When we’re apart he’s not on my mind much. Definitely look forward to seeing him though and miss being silly and laughing together and cuddles etc.

Stereomum · 27/12/2019 17:05

Together for 18 years, he works away and we miss each other terribly. I do enjoy time on my own as does he.

Ginger1982 · 27/12/2019 17:06

Together 7 years and DH's work has often seen us being apart for a time. Would always text and speak on the phone though and do miss each other.

Why have you spent Christmas apart?

IamMaisie · 27/12/2019 17:08

Together five years. I could do a night or two fine. DP works lates a lot so I'm used to evenings alone. I have a couple of hobbies so I really enjoy the time by myself with no distractions

DP feels weird doing even one night alone as he's not used to being the one that's left.
If I go away with friends for the weekend with friends, he's very appreciative when I come back.

We would text regularly and call daily if one of us is away. I think we'd both go a long way to avoid being apart for Christmas or anything important though.

It depends if the way you're feeling now is different to how you've felt before. If you went away last Christmas and found it more difficult, I think this ambivelence now might be indicative of a lack of eelings left for him

Whiskers14 · 27/12/2019 17:12

I'd miss mine horribly if he went away for a week, while simultaneously enjoying being able to starfish across the bed! But seriously, to not really thinking about him or talk to him or "not really be that bothered to be honest" doesn't sound great, OP.

Original poster
Nifflernancy · 27/12/2019 17:13

We haven’t spent Christmas together yet, we’re late 20s with no children, I was with extended family & wouldn’t have been enough room for him, and I really love spending the time with all my family.

OP posts:
SexlessBoulderBelly · 27/12/2019 17:15

My DP goes away on work training courses for anything up to 4 days has been the longest so far. He always asks me if I want to come as they pay for quite lovely hotels with spas that I could use but I was always working and now we have a baby on the way.

When he is gone I do feel like I miss him. We’ve been together nearly 6 years now and it feels alien not to have involvement or physical contact with him for a long period.

Then again I am shite scared of being home alone at night (too many horror films) so maybe I’m just scared on my own and don’t actually miss him 😂

Original poster
Nifflernancy · 27/12/2019 17:16

Yeah I know it’s not a great sign Sad we are the best of friends, I’ve never got on with someone so well, we enjoy so much together, moved in together last year and set up home together... But it’s just the romance is lacking. And I’m guessing that’s a lot because of the lack of sex, but neither of us seem to put the effort in to improve things.

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 27/12/2019 17:16

At 4 years, yes, definitely. We were married with kids by then. Now at 10 plus years, I don't actively miss him but would always rather he was there and am very pleased when he is back. We had a year of him working away a few nights a week so we got the hang of it.

Original poster
Nifflernancy · 27/12/2019 17:18

If I was by myself at home I might have missed him more. But then I have poor mental health & can get quite lonely and anxious by myself... I’ve been so happy this past week with family I haven’t really felt low or anything.

OP posts:
HostessAtCrimbo · 27/12/2019 17:19

12 years together and i miss DH so much when were apart. Even if its that i have gone for a meal with family without him I miss him!

He makes everything more enjoyable to me

BacktoMA · 27/12/2019 17:20

15 years and yes I miss him when he goes away. He goes away quite a lot with work, I quite like the break tbh as it's always nice to have some space and look forward to seeing him again but I always miss him. Especially if it was a special time like Christmas.

CanIHaveADrink · 27/12/2019 17:22

I wouldn’t and never have.
But I think the major thing fir YOU is the fact you’ve been e trembly busy this week. It might well be that things would have been totally different if you had spent time ‘separated’ at a different time of the year

FairytaleofBykerGrove · 27/12/2019 17:24

23 years together. (Am I that old?).

If I’m having a wonderful time I don’t miss him or my kids, much as I love them all. But if I’m not having a great time, or not distracted then I will miss them all and look forward to coming home. To be fair so haven’t been away for more than 4-5 days myself.

ConstanceL · 27/12/2019 17:28

We've been together 10 years and I do miss him if we are apart for more than one night. Not as in I sit around pining and moping until he gets back, more in that he is my favourite person who I enjoy hanging out with :) I do quite enjoy having time to myself when he is away though, but I'm always glad when he is back!

aboutbloodytime123 · 27/12/2019 17:30

My DP is military so we have had months apart. We communicated via WhatsApp/text as much as possible and tried to speak at least once a week when possible. I didn't miss him every second of every day, I was also busy with work, kids, friends etc - but yeah I did miss him a lot!