After 4 years together, do you miss your OH when you’re apart?

[Nifflernancy]

I just wanted to get other people’s perspectives....

If you’ve been together 4 years (or thinking back to that point) do you miss your partner if you’re away from them for a week? I’ve just spent Christmas away from DP and I haven’t really thought of him, haven’t spoken on phone, not really that bothered to be honest.... We’ve both had busy weeks with lots of others around us, but our relationship has been rocky for a while - or at my end, anyway. We haven’t had regular sex (maybe once a month) for the last few years due to medication I was on which totally killed my sex drive. I was only on that medication for 6 months but it never came back. I feel it’s really affected our relationship but he seems to cope better with it.

I feel a lot of affection for him day to day and love doing things with him, but I’m not that bothered about kissing and definitely not anything more intimate. And now I guess I’m not that bothered about seeing him for a week (we live together usually).

Help!

In 21 years of marriage I've not actually ever spent a week away from one another, for longer than that tbh as even beforehand we hadn't really. Longest has only been a couple of nights.

I'd miss him for sure if away that long, as would he. When he's away for a night he always calls or texts to talk to me and teen dd.

I've been with my dh for 4 years and I miss him when we're not together.
It sounds like your relationship might have run its course

24 years together and we text in our lunch break. No way could I be apart from him for a week without seriously missing him.
We do have our own time and space, we do our own thing but we enjoy time together and have only been apart for a maximum of 2 nights

Been together 23 yrs and I miss him hugely when he’s away for a few days.

We do our own things, have our own interests and friends, but my goodness I struggle without him around.

Yes I miss my dh when we are apart but I haven’t got much choice as he works away for 3 weeks at a time! 3 weeks away and then 3 weeks home. So I manage...

It sounds like you know what's missing (the romance and intimacy). Have you two spoken about this recently? Do you want to try and get it back, and if yes, does he know this, and what has he said?

20 years and yes, I manage a night (enjoy the space in the bed) but he doesn't, and a week would be awful.

Nope but I love my own time and space plus now we have a baby i rarely get either so I’m currently enjoying not having him here 😂

No I wouldn't. Why would I? We spend every day together and will again for the rest of our lives after he gets back.

I think it depends on the type of person you are, rather than the quality of the relationship. I'm not the type that enjoys talking on the phone generally. I'm not that chatty type of person or the joined at the hip type. DP is the same. So we wouldn't talk on the phone if one was away for a few days.

I would enjoy the alone time and the fact that it's something different, and having some new experiences to tell him about later.

In fact I'm greatful for our relationship when I read things on here like

• I'd miss him terribly if he was away for one night
• I couldn't go for a meal with friends without him
• we do all our errands together, if I go to post a letter he would come with me That sounds horrible and suffocating. I'm glad my DP and I are on the same page.

@TrueRefuge yes we do speak about it (always initiated by me) and he commits to making more of an effort (especially re initiating things in the bedroom etc) but it never seems to happen... he says he has such low confidence since I never seem to want to have sex and that’s why he doesn’t try. And to be honest quite often I don’t want to do anything intimate anyway so avoid it. Arghhhh. I hate that medication can fuck up your life so much

Yes I do miss him. I look forward to him coming home each day. We are both on our third marriage, so we both continue to make an effort with each other and we've made a pack to never take each other for granted. That makes a huge difference to our relationship

After 7 years I miss DH terribly when we're apart. He feels the same.

I think the 'not missing him' has happened because the relationship doesn't pack enough of a punch to empower you to miss it/him.

Family/friend interaction/company is enough for you and has made you happy

I'm someone who wouldn't worry too much about not missing a guy - after all you're not conjoined - but I think your day to day relationship needs work if you want it to survive - couples counselling maybe?

Or cut your losses and move on?

he says he has such low confidence since I never seem to want to have sex and that’s why he doesn’t try

Seriously?

I'd leave a man who dumped this crap on me

Your medication may have affected your libido but that doesn't mean the relationship has to go down the pan - you're so young. Find someone who gives a shit

Been together 3 years, but I do miss him if we are apart. He used to go away a lot for a week and I hated it. Now I have to go away sometimes, usually only for a couple of days, but it sucks. Hotel rooms are really lonely.

19 years together, only spent 2 nights apart I all that time (when I was in hospital having had each DC).
I still miss him when he goes to work, even though I am at my work,we speak at lunch time every day.

7yrs together, but have never lived together (we both have DC from previous relationships, so it's all a bit complicated). If I don't hear from him, it is a physical ache inside me.

I knew that things were over with my ExP when after ten days I realised that I didn't miss him. I didn't miss him at all. I actually just felt relieved.

Medication can totally fuck your libido up. But libido is not intimacy or love or everything. As I say, it is a physical ache for me to not be in touch with DP. I miss him so much that it hurts. We just need that contact. Only you will know if that's what you need from your OH.

Missing doesn't mean a thing its how you feel when you see them again