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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I've got a broken heart

40 replies

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 11:06

Please tell me it will pass. The back story is long and complicated but basically, the man I thought I would spend my life with, has gone away and I don't know if I will ever hear from him again.

It's as much my fault as it is his, I didn't realise what I had when I had it and now a prolonged period of separation due to work seems to have tipped the balance for him.

I just want to know it will pass. It's physically painful, I keep bursting into tears, my heard is pounding, I can't get my breath and I can't eat or sleep.

I love him so much and I miss him terribly, he's in everything I look at.

OP posts:
caranxy · 27/12/2019 11:10

Have u told him ? x

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 11:18

Yes I have @caranxy, thank you.

I totally respect his decision if he's made a plan to move on, I've told him how I feel but he's not really responded. Previously (like I said, long complex backstory), he's blocked me for short periods on WhatsApp but he hasn't blocked me now? I know I should just stop messaging unless he replies but I keep looking for him to see if he's online. If he wanted to message, he would wouldn't he.

I'm annoying myself so much but I can't stop thinking about him, looking at photos, going to places that are meaningful. Snap out of it woman! FML. My heart feels like it will beat itself out of my chest.

OP posts:
caranxy · 27/12/2019 12:05

I totally understand how all consuming it can be. I'm going through a divorce myself as I fell for someone last year, didn't want to go down the affair route so took steps to end my marriage . Long story short the other bloke was only interested in fwb.
It nearly destroyed me, I'm on anti depressants now still . It took almost a year to realise he wasn't right for me (I know your situation is different) I'm just saying I know how u feel x
(Ps I've met someone else now, very early days but I'm now scared of feeling anything still ) Thanks

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 12:13

Thank you for replying. I'm sorry to hear how tough it's been for you. I think I might need to see my Dr in the new year, I'm like an empty wetsuit. Flowers

OP posts:
caranxy · 27/12/2019 12:22

I'm going through peri menopause too which isn't helping. It can only help to talk to someone. You will get over it but it's hard x

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 12:28

I'm trying distraction but that's just running at the moment and there's only so much of that I can do!!

Very hard to get out of bed tbh. No one to talk to, sort of linked to an extremely intense relationship with him and now... loneliness.

OP posts:
forkfun · 27/12/2019 12:31

I felt similar 16 years ago. Now happily married to a different man. It does pass, but you'll make it easier on yourself if you stop contact, unfriend on social media etc. You don't need to be mean about it, just tell him that's what you need to do to move on.
Good luck, heartbreak is awful.

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 12:35

I don't think I want to move on though @forkfun, I'd like him back Sad

OP posts:
caranxy · 27/12/2019 12:39

Is it completely over? x

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 12:42

I think probably so but I can't bear to accept it. Surely he would have just blocked me if he didn't want to hear from me again?

I'm going to leave my phone at home and go for a run. I know time is one thing that will help. I have this horrible, sick, empty feeling. FFS.

OP posts:
FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 27/12/2019 12:44

You'll be fine. Keep yourself busy.

SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 27/12/2019 14:02

Sending hugs. I'm experiencing similar the love of my life (unreciprocated) has eloped to Gretna Green today to get married tomorrow. Slightly different I know but it hurts to the point that I feel hollow.

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 14:29

@SheSnapsThenSheFarts (v good username btw). I'm so sorry. I've not helped myself by just going through old pictures of him & is but it made the hollow go away for a bit. It will do wonders for my New Years weight loss, can't face anything at all.

Hand here to hold if you need it. Sadly no advice.

OP posts:
SheSnapsThenSheFarts · 27/12/2019 14:58

@Genvonklinkerhoffen I'm trying to keep busy and distract myself, then spend all day tomorrow studiously avoiding social media.

We'll get through it Thanks

deepwatersolo · 27/12/2019 17:02
Flowers
Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 17:58

@deepwatersolo yep. Not heard that song before but yep... it won't be just tonight but that's exactly how I feel. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 19:14

Oh god, someone take my phone off me. I messaged to ask if he's ok and, in line with his messages since 20 Nov, he was just callous in response.

I know I shouldn't have messaged. I know this. I'm trying very hard not to.

But why be mean?

OP posts:
Mikethenight2good · 27/12/2019 19:25

Yes....me too. It does exist....
I ended up in AD to get through it....

You are not alone. Be strong and seek help if you need it x

IM0GEN · 27/12/2019 19:33

Don’t message him. Post here instead.

Constance17 · 27/12/2019 19:45

You are using he hasn't blocked me and you love him in the same sentence!?

I find this v strange, no man should need to block you if they feel the same way.

Move on

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 19:51

I'm trying @Constance17. I'm just struggling, it feels like the end of hope. The whole time we've both been working abroad, I've felt there's been a chance and now we're not, it's gone but there's been no closure. Just messaging and calling up til 3 weeks ago then... change like night and day.

Gone from long deep conversations to mean and callous. I'm just struggling.

OP posts:
caranxy · 27/12/2019 19:52

You'll find every tiny excuse in every interaction with him to 'prove' to yourself that he still likes u. It's like a self preservation thing to start with ... he didn't block me, he only took one day to answer me etc etc
But to be honest mine was never nasty with me . That's a whole different thing . U don't deserve that xx

twentyplustwenty · 27/12/2019 20:26

You need a plan of distraction. Something nice to read? Batch cooking? Baking? Can you arrange some outings with friends?

Original poster
Genvonklinkerhoffen · 27/12/2019 20:36

I got books for Christmas. That's a great plan. Thank you. I still have a backlog from this year as well! I struggle without the structure of work, I'm going in tomorrow but it doesn't start back til 6 Jan 😩

I never realised there would be physical pain.

I could go swimming as well. Good. Yes. Distractions.

OP posts:
MsPepperPotts · 27/12/2019 21:12

He is not coming back OP...he's moved on and you have to accept it.
You need to rip the band aid off now.
Pack up all the photos and any other stuff that reminds you of him and put it in an inaccessible place...in a box sealed with duct tape!
You need to delete his number or block it.
Stop putting yourself through your own mental torture.
If you are fit and healthy, you need to make a list of things to do every day and start making changes to your life.
If you have the money get counselling.
If you keep on this path you will waste years of your life on someone who does not want to be with you.