Shaken up, lost and alone

[Ellaandlouisqueenandking]

Hi. So I am on here because I am lost and no longer know what to do.

DH and I are living together and trying to raise DD but I can't stay here anymore. I am too depressed. On tablets. DH constantly in mood with me as house is messy. When I do try to tidy it he says I have not tidied 'properly, like I do'.

My Dad died a few years. Mum is very frail and terminally ill. Had a serious fall. This Xmas Eve I was desperate to take Mum to church, as it helps us both to remember Dad but DH was v insistent I drive him to other side of London so he could have ham with his family. I only agreed as I thought we could leave early so we could go church but then it overran, hubby said we had to stay. On Xmas day we couldnt go as we were hosting 15 people. Mostly his family. House was a little messy. I asked him to tidy it quickly, apparently that was rude of me. I asked him to wrap pressies, he didn't wrap all of them so I ended up doing it after doing all the chopping and peeling. He told me I was crazy as I made houmous and tzatziki from scratch. Refused to let me into the kitchen to get bowls to put nibbles out. Blocked my way. Gave me silent treatment. I gave up. I went in the bedroom and cried. The guests arrived. I survived the day. We managed to feed everyone. I am thankful for that. The whole time he acted like nothing had happened. Asked why I was in a mood with him. Asked again this morning. When I told him he stormed off and is giving me silent treatment again. I am moving in with Mum, without him. I keep thinking this is all my fault. I feel panicky. He will go crazy. But I cant cope with him anymore. I just wanna be with my Mum and girl. I dont know what to do anymore.

He couldnt drive as he has an illness that means he cant drive. I suggested a taxi but no was the answer.

He sounds controlling and emotionally abusive. How old is DD? You are better off away from a man like that.

What a vile nasty shit. Is this the life you want. Make plans to leave this pitiful excuse of a man. Life is too short to live in such misery

So sorry you are going through this but life is too short. He sounds very controlling and clearly making your life and your no doubt your daughters miserable. I think you must separate. Get some legal advice so you know where you stand in relation to your home and finances/benefits. Good luck

He is abusive OP. Controlling and abusive. Make plans to leave permanently. See a solicitor. No wonder you are depressed living like this. It's not your depression causing your circumstances, it's the other way round x

Tell him to piss off

I'm not Ms Innocent. I have spoken to other men online merely as an escape. I deserve it all.

You do not deserve this treatment. Leave, it sounds like you will both be happier apart.

I know you are all right. DD is 7. It will ruin my relationship with in ILs if I leave. I will have no family but Mum and my DD. I am terrified. He claimed he cooked all the Xmas dinner himself. I hadn't helped at all. Apparently. This was after he refused to let me in the kitchen. When the guests arrived there were no nibbles for them.

Please phone or email women's aid, this is not normal and he's abusing you. Good luck

I'll bet he is a major cause of your depression. I know its not easy but you need to break free of your abuser. Don't talk yourself out of it by focusing on the problems to solve or the worst case possible consequences. Find support and look forward.

I'm not Ms Innocent. I have spoken to other men online merely as an escape. I deserve it all.

You do not deserve this. Your daughter does not deserve this. You husband is abusive.

Contact WOMEN'S AID right now. www.womensaid.org.uk/

He is so incredibly selfish. You need to leave him. He won't change.

Please think of your daughter and leave. He is abusing you . . . and your daughter will grow up thinking this is a normal behaviour.

Sweetheart this IS NOT YOUR FAULT

He is ABUSING you

Get out, soon as you can. You dont have to live like this.....you DONT deserve it.....

So sad for you! Xxxxxxxxxx

Thank you all of you. Today I am at ILs putting on a straight face. He barely said 1 word to me on the way there. I am taking him to see his family. I am tired and just want to cry.

Everyone will hate me

I know it's not easy but focus on you and DD and what you both need. We can't control what other people think or feel, that is their issue. They don't know all the full details about your life so try not to worry about what other people think and just do what you two need

You are right. After 18years together I cannot see the wood for the trees. X

Now been acting all sweetness and light. I dont know what to do. Who is he? Who is he really? I feel sick

He is an abusive bastard

I left one not so long ago and my god this all sounds very familiar

What happened to your poor mum? Why didn't you get to see her like planned

RUN FOR THE HILLS
Keep posting on here when you are unsure
I got sound advice here as I was so confused - one minute he was taking a knife to me next minute and hugs and kisses had no idea what to think

I am so very sorry

Have you contacted Women's Aid? Their guidance will help you to understand the cycle of abuse you and your child are enduring. If you cannot so it for yourself, do it for your child. She will see abuse as normal and become an abused woman like you. Do you want her to have a life like yours? Call Women's Aid and make up who it mind to give your daughter a decent childhood.

make up who it mind --> make up your mind

Pack gradually and get all your important documents put away safe.
When you get the opportunity, run

Thank you so much. I am gradually packing. Mum has kidney failure so I'm moving in with her as I am terrified what will happen to her as she is really struggling. She may also have early dementia.