Shaken up, lost and alone

[Ellaandlouisqueenandking]

Hi. So I am on here because I am lost and no longer know what to do.

DH and I are living together and trying to raise DD but I can't stay here anymore. I am too depressed. On tablets. DH constantly in mood with me as house is messy. When I do try to tidy it he says I have not tidied 'properly, like I do'.

My Dad died a few years. Mum is very frail and terminally ill. Had a serious fall. This Xmas Eve I was desperate to take Mum to church, as it helps us both to remember Dad but DH was v insistent I drive him to other side of London so he could have ham with his family. I only agreed as I thought we could leave early so we could go church but then it overran, hubby said we had to stay. On Xmas day we couldnt go as we were hosting 15 people. Mostly his family. House was a little messy. I asked him to tidy it quickly, apparently that was rude of me. I asked him to wrap pressies, he didn't wrap all of them so I ended up doing it after doing all the chopping and peeling. He told me I was crazy as I made houmous and tzatziki from scratch. Refused to let me into the kitchen to get bowls to put nibbles out. Blocked my way. Gave me silent treatment. I gave up. I went in the bedroom and cried. The guests arrived. I survived the day. We managed to feed everyone. I am thankful for that. The whole time he acted like nothing had happened. Asked why I was in a mood with him. Asked again this morning. When I told him he stormed off and is giving me silent treatment again. I am moving in with Mum, without him. I keep thinking this is all my fault. I feel panicky. He will go crazy. But I cant cope with him anymore. I just wanna be with my Mum and girl. I dont know what to do anymore.

I'm sorry you are going through this my exH was very similar in his controlling ways and manipulative around his family.

Don't worry what they will think of you I haven't spoken to any of exH family (no DC) since we split as they tried to blame me & just accepted the OW now his wife.

It gets easier with time & I just have sadness / regrets when I look back but I also now have a lovely DH & I can see how I am supposed to be treated. Was only with exH for 7 years but 7 years on I still find myself thinking or acting defensive. Counselling helps

Hugs

Leave him at your IL house as he can't drive, go and get your stuff and move with your dd in with your Mum. This is no way to live.

Tell him you need to stay with your mum because she is ill. You don't need to tell him you won't be coming back.

That way you'll avoid a big confrontation at this stage. If there's any moaning get your in laws to back you up. They will because they'll think how they'd like their dd (or you) to look after them if they were ill.

By the time it's obvious you are not returning he'll have got used to it. Just make sure you've got anything you want out of this house before that stage because he'll never let you have it willingly.

Hope your mum gets better OP and look after yourself x

Move in with your mum so you can help look after her. She is the one who needs you, NOT him. He is a selfish prick who treats you like shit. You are not to blame in any of this and if he has made you feel that way, its part of the abuse.

Move in with your mum. He is outrageous. He is not being kind to you. Please don’t worry about the relationship with the in laws, that’s not the most important thing
Would you ever treat anyone the way he’s treating you? I don’t think so! He is choosing to be awful and a bully. You need to get away from him. And watch out for him turning all sweetness and light. It’s only to make you doubt yourself. It’s not real. You know that...