Twunt paints me into a corner

[ErrmWTAF]

So, twunt has DS(9) for both Yule and Crimbo this year (he's Pagan, I'm mainly just atheist). He fought for this in Court, and got it, mainly because I had DS last year, so that's "fair" (we haven't concluded custody arrangements, but it's probably going to be 90% me). Btw, for context, he's also paying almost no CMS - £6/week.

Last year, btw, DS and I were living in a woman's shelter after years of mental, emotional and, above all, financial abuse. I was still settling down in my Universal Credits, so not exactly rolling in the dosh, but by dint of eBay, charity shops, FB selling pages and some lovely donations via the shelter, I managed to give DS a great Yule and Christmas. Father Odin gave him something, inexpensive, but meaningful. Mummy gave him some presents, mainly practical, and Father Christmas absolutely showered him, mainly with fun stuff.

Sideline: that year, DS and I made a quick trip back to our previous town, to give Dad a visit, and see some (allegedly mutual) friends, every one of whom gave DS gifts of almost no value (contrast to previous years), or gifts that had his name and theirs scribbled all over the boxes, which they'd never done before. It took me a while to figure out; they thought I'd either pawn the presents or re-mark them as being from FrO or FrC or even me.

This year, as twunt has DS for both Yule and Christmas, he's in charge of "the bearded guys" presents, just like I was last year. Fair, right? DS and I are going to have our turkey and do our presents to each other when I get him back in a few days' time - this was agreed in advance, and every conversation I had with DS was based on this.

So, imagine my shock and dismay when I got an email from twunt LAST NIGHT to the effect that FrO got DS a little something, FrC only one or two things, but that's ok, because he told DS that FrC will be leaving more presents for him at my home.

WTAF?!? So, with almost no notice, and knowing how little I have to spend, twunt has put me in a position where I have to either:

1. spend money I don't have buying DS more presents, or changing the tags from my presents to him, or

1. telling DS something I didn't want to do yet about the bearded guys - I know he's 9, but I wanted him to be the one to lead this conversation, esp after all he's been through last couple of years, or

1. out&out calling Dad a liar.

I dunno, got a fourth option? Because I'm still flabbergasted and confused.

It's a mixture of twat and cunt.
OP are you a long standing poster who had several threads about said twunt? I can't recall details but remember vaguely. If you are sorry you still have to have this man in your life.

Is twunt a bearded hippy who worships trees and the sun and weed and such?

A twunt is a hairy dick with warts. So I'm told by a friend with a stupid ex.

Well my ds who is 8 doesn't believe in santa anymore. He asked me straight up and I gave him an honest answer. He wasn't bothered at all. Perhaps phase out santa. Change the tags on 1 or 2 but the rest can be from you. You get more credit that way anyway. Good luck.

P.s. I think you're making too much of all of this and making it too complicated. That's why I stopped the santa stuff as soon as my son asked. I think honesty is the best policy long-term. I think all this father Odin father Xmas stuff would be confusing for an adult let alone a kid.

Why should she phase out Santa before her child is ready just because the ex is being a dick?

Thank goodness DS is with you next year and then after that it really is time to let him know as he'll be heading of to secondary school not long after.

Your ex is indeed a horrible man, I hope residency really is 90% with you.

GinandGingerBeer - I am indeed a long term poster - I've had this name for 2-3 years, but others before. I've chimed in on other people's freds, but I haven't written about ex much, certainly haven't started any/many freds about him. I wonder who you're thinking about?...

I was thinking of the thread where the term twunt was coined, so thought it was you. Obviously there's more than one twunt in this world.

Twunt wasn't coined on mumsnet!

Why should she phase out Santa before her child is ready just because the ex is being a dick?

Because all this patriarchal father this father that stuff belies it's actually his mum doing all the caring and paying and preparing. At 9 it's probably healthy to start to get a hint of that?

I remember my mum keeping the santa thing going artificially long by which time I was outraged she had lied to me.

Since when was Odin in charge of bringing Yule presents anyway? I'd not want him creeping about my house at night with his orbiting eyeballs and his ravens shitting everywhere. What a twunt!

Eoin

Hilarious Eoin 😂

I think you might need to look at the "FC is actually acts of kindness" type blog posts, about transitioning children from "magical FC" tales to "FC is a cover story for helping others without expecting a thanks" as I suspect this will really help your son understand on an age appropriate level that his dad is trying to weaponize gifting against you.
It really helped us in a similar situation, also we had early Christmas here so that it took the sting out of ex not putting in any efforts on the 25th, which considering dad apparently slept in front of the TV most of the day and the turkey was burnt/overcooked, was fortuitous. I'll try and find a link that isn't Facebook!
Parenting alongside a man who sees the child as a foot soldier in the war against his ex is a series of preemptive clarification of "what nice people do in x situation" and "Daddy says some funny things doesn't he, of course Mummy can look after you"

Excellent point, Originally, I've seen those posts and that's exactly how I was going to bring up the subject when I do. I particularly like the bits where parent&child together surprise somebody else - I think in one case there was a neighbour with slippers. DS is very kind and caring, and it'll be right up his street.

You'll know better next time. In future just so it all like he didn't exist, stop making arrangements and agreements with him, that way you'll never get caught out and your dc at worst will get it all from you, at beat he'll get 2 sets if gifts/holidays etc etc