Twunt paints me into a corner

[ErrmWTAF]

So, twunt has DS(9) for both Yule and Crimbo this year (he's Pagan, I'm mainly just atheist). He fought for this in Court, and got it, mainly because I had DS last year, so that's "fair" (we haven't concluded custody arrangements, but it's probably going to be 90% me). Btw, for context, he's also paying almost no CMS - £6/week.

Last year, btw, DS and I were living in a woman's shelter after years of mental, emotional and, above all, financial abuse. I was still settling down in my Universal Credits, so not exactly rolling in the dosh, but by dint of eBay, charity shops, FB selling pages and some lovely donations via the shelter, I managed to give DS a great Yule and Christmas. Father Odin gave him something, inexpensive, but meaningful. Mummy gave him some presents, mainly practical, and Father Christmas absolutely showered him, mainly with fun stuff.

Sideline: that year, DS and I made a quick trip back to our previous town, to give Dad a visit, and see some (allegedly mutual) friends, every one of whom gave DS gifts of almost no value (contrast to previous years), or gifts that had his name and theirs scribbled all over the boxes, which they'd never done before. It took me a while to figure out; they thought I'd either pawn the presents or re-mark them as being from FrO or FrC or even me.

This year, as twunt has DS for both Yule and Christmas, he's in charge of "the bearded guys" presents, just like I was last year. Fair, right? DS and I are going to have our turkey and do our presents to each other when I get him back in a few days' time - this was agreed in advance, and every conversation I had with DS was based on this.

So, imagine my shock and dismay when I got an email from twunt LAST NIGHT to the effect that FrO got DS a little something, FrC only one or two things, but that's ok, because he told DS that FrC will be leaving more presents for him at my home.

WTAF?!? So, with almost no notice, and knowing how little I have to spend, twunt has put me in a position where I have to either:

1. spend money I don't have buying DS more presents, or changing the tags from my presents to him, or

1. telling DS something I didn't want to do yet about the bearded guys - I know he's 9, but I wanted him to be the one to lead this conversation, esp after all he's been through last couple of years, or

1. out&out calling Dad a liar.

I dunno, got a fourth option? Because I'm still flabbergasted and confused.

If he's celebrating Yule and father Odin is he a practising Norse Pagan? If so then maybe you should tell him he needs to check the 9 charges and virtues as he's basically broken an oath and therefore dishonouring himself and the Gods and his kin.

Just reply and tell him to fuck off.

Ooohh, interesting Magnetic. But he won't care. He's already broken so many oaths. He plays the "I am an Odinist, therefore I don't lie" card a lot, but even that's a lie. He's lied in Court and on Court documents, some of them easily disprovable. I'll win in the long run, but this interim is very irksome.

What Daisy said - tell him to fuck off.

I have no idea why some posters were being complete arseholes, I understood what you meant.
I also have a 9year old so understand how you feel about not telling him about FC. You've been put in an impossible position by your x. I think I'd try and find a few bits in the sale/charity shop to keep FC alive another year if at all possible. X

Ah, apologies OP. In that case he's just being a dick. Don't rise to it.

Snort.

Tell him to jog on.

Text him back and say “no, sorry, Yule and Xmas are your responsibility this year. You’ll have to tell DS you made a mistake”

Forward him all messages where you agreed he would organise presents (and stop saying the bearded guy like some kind of idiot) Surely, tho, as mum, you’ll be giving gifts to your own child? Change the labels as per a pp.

He’s been an idiot. Time to have the chat with your dc about Father Odin/Christmas., maybe?

Respond to him saying that you will do a second stocking if he provides the gifts to put in it. At the same time run out to the shops tomorrow and grab £20 worth of reduced bits to wrap from FC in case he doesn't do it.
He's an arse.

Second a pp who suggested not to bother. Don't engage just when your see your son say dad must just have been confused about FC presents, then distract with lovely presents from you/ a nice activity.

I would be pretty pissed off and reply that I'm not playing your fucking games and I will tell DS that it was Daddy's turn to sort out presents with Santa this year.

Although it will probably annoy him more if you ignore him.

Just tell your ds you don’t know why dad said that. Santa delivers presents to the place where children sleep on Christmas Eve, that’s why children on holidays get theirs at the hotel for example. Dad must have been confused.

Agree with other posters, Dad was confused, Santa only delivers to the home the child is at. Don't engage with twunt at all. If you feel bad, and can do it, try to stretch to an extra gift from you to make up for a poor show from Santa. Hey, it's a marathon isn't it....you child will work this one out in due course and make their own mind up. It is no longer your job to cover up for your ex husbands shortcomings at your expense.

Thank you, lovely vipers.

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Twunt wrote further, claiming he's only following advice on parenting websites which help to ease the strain on kids with split families.

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I'm not going to bother to reply, but really, that's bullshit - I've been on Mumsnet for 10 years now, and I haven't heard about this before, let alone as "recommended".

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And even if it were generally good policy, breaking away from the FrC/FrO party line we've held since DS was a baby without discussing it first, telling me on Christmas DAY, etc, was still right out of line.

It wasn’t hard to understand your OP at all. I think I would just say it is a misunderstanding if your son asks as Yule and Christmas as over. At age 9 he is getting to old to really believe in this anyway, are you sure he really does believe?

Tell him you're going to tell your DC the truth. His father's a liar who breaks promises.

He is so yanking your chain!!!

why don't you let him do Yule and you do Christmas from now on. He gets FO's presents and you get FCs presents? (is Yule the 25th December too? If not, can you split the dates in the same way?)

(at 9 I'm surprised he believes either way now tbh!. )

My ex has got the kids now and my dd thinks FC has delivered a load of presents to his house already. We just buy presents separately.

(my dd thinks Father Christmas delivers to both houses on Christmas Eve, even the one she's not at. Then when she goes after Christmas, she has a second lot of presents to open - two christmasses and she feels excited twice).

The precedent was set last year, changing what happens will just be confusing/make it obvious about FC

You can not trust this man or anything he says, it is shitty but for you and your sons sake, you need accept this.

Don’t run around spending money you can’t afford, get creative and use your anger to remind yourself to take anything your Ex says with a pinch of salt.

I want to smack twunt upside the head now, with extreme prejudice.
. ...

DS has been home for two nights now and has only just revealed to me he's confused (and sad) about why FrC would have put things in his stocking, but not given him presents (nay, not even one, singular - twunt even lied to me about that).

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The best I could come up with was "maybe FrC knew you'd be travelling on trains a lot and didn't want to give you loads to carry".

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The contrast between last year and this is stark. Fucking twunt.

I agree with the PP who suggested you take Christmas and ex takes yule. Presumably there is no joint present buying anyway.

Is having two celebrations in quick succession with presents twice sustainable without making one mum holiday and the other dad holiday?

What does twunt mean?