Feeling very sad and alone this Christmas

[TashieWoo]

I just need somewhere to vent really.

Last Christmas I was with my ex and his family and it was lovely, my family do celebrate Christmas but since there are no children and everyone has got older, it’s been less special. Plus there have been other stresses in the family which have compounded things. But I have a reasonably close family and wonderful parents, who I will be spending tomorrow with.

This year my granddad is seriously ill in hospital. He is 93 and has cancer, then he had a fall on Friday as he has a chest infection. I was there with the paramedics and my grandma and it was very difficult, they practically said at the time he had days left, but then he went into hospital on Saturday and seems to be improving a bit. He won’t be coming home for a while though, and may be going straight into the hospice for palliative care.

My ex and I broke up in July and it was hard, I am over that now but Christmas does make you reflect a bit. Last Christmas and new year just seemed full of promise.

I started seeing a lovely guy a couple of months ago and he seems to have ghosted me... he is going through some family stress at the moment but this is out of character even though it is early days. He messaged me on Friday to see how my grandad was as we were meant to have plans yesterday evening but he didn’t know if he could make it and with the circumstances I didn’t either (he’d never cancelled on me before), I replied that he was improving and to his question about what I’d been doing over the weekend, then nothing. He hasn’t even read my WhatsApp message which is not like him. So I don’t know what’s going on there but I’m not contacting him.

I just feel like everything is out of my control, soon things will be even worse and that Christmas is something everyone will just be going through the motions with, and I don’t feel anything. I’d rather still be going to work on my own to take my mind off things. I have stuff to keep myself busy with but I just feel wretched.

Sorry for the long post and thank you to anyone who reads

Well I can join you in the sad and alone camp for sure.

@ouch I’m sorry to hear that. Feel free to share if it will help.

I feel sad too. This is such a hard time of year.

Im feeling very sad tonight. Been looking at photos from last Christmas. This year I have no partner to spend it with, just me and my 2yo ds (who doesn't understand christmas yet) and no plans. No family either to go and see!

It fucking sucks op. But it's just a other day and this time tomorrow it will be nearly over!

Och I can understand how this year seems sad and flat compared to last year but am glad you have lovely parents to spend the day with tomorrow. Try and put the ghosting chap out of your mind for now and have fun with your family, next year things could all be very different. Sorry about your grandpa too xx

Sounds very tough. Christmas can be such a sad time, it just highlights what is absent. Sending lots of love.

Re the bloke - it seems odd to ask you things on friday then go silent. Maybe his stressy stuff has got him down at xmas or he wants to give you space while you're waiting for news about grandpa. See how you feel but I'd maybe send a xmas message 2moro and take it from there x

Have some

Will you get to spend some time with your grandad? It will mean so much to him and your GM to hear from you and know how much you love them.

Sorry to hear about the ghoster. It's disappointing when you think you've found a nice one (I had a very similar scenario recently). We don't feel ghosted by the guys we're not fussed about!

Chin up.

I’ll join in too. I’ve no family left and just my two grown up kids, who are here for Christmas which is lovely, it’ll be just the three of us tomorrow then they’ll be off to their Dad & from then on it’s just me.

At 58 years of age I had hoped that life would be easier now but the hurt from the end of my 14 yr long term relationship 2 years ago is still there and even though I’ve seen a few guys in that time there doesn’t seem much hope of another proper relationship at the moment.

This time of year is really tough for so many people for so many different reasons.

No partner here either

Single and my only child spends Christmas with his dad as I'm an expat and have no family here. We make a big fuss of New Years instead. I spend Christmas totally alone ignoring the whole thing. I could see friends etc but it feels an intrusion on what is a family day.

I think the only way I make that ok is by making it totally all about me. An epic list of films to watch, Ben and Jerry's ice cream in the freezer, a nice bottle of wine, face mask and lovely bath etc etc etc. I treat myself all day and do whatever I want.

A thought I have had for next year is volunteering at the local homeless charity. I may not celebrate it in the traditional way but at least I can help people who have a harder life than me to have some basic pleasures.

Maybe reframe what you want out of the day of having a "normal" Christmas isn't possible. 💐

@BedraggledBlitz it was Sunday he asked me, it’s just so strange I can’t get my head around it. He might be in touch yet, I just don’t know. We don’t text every day and I haven’t slept with him, so it isn’t that. We’ve been on 6/7 dates and got on so well, no declarations of love or anything heavy we’ve just had a nice time. After my ex he was a breath of fresh air. He hasn’t blocked me or removed me from tinder though, surely he would have done that if he was properly ghosting next.

Thank you for the messages, they’ve made me cry. I also have a wisdom tooth infection and that’s making me feel a bit poorly too. I’m going to try and have a little nap before putting my brave face on and taking my mum out to deliver presents to friends.

@Palavah be seeing my grandpa on Boxing Day or Friday, others are visiting the other days. I’m close to him and my grandma, due to previous family issues the relationship hasn’t always been easy but I’ve made my own relationship with them in adulthood if that makes sense. I’m their eldest grandchild and the only one who’s single... I also have the best career but I know they just want me to settle down and have a family, which is what I want too. But they will probably never get to see it.

@fucketyfeck I guess I’m doing my own thing to an extent as spending the afternoon/evening with my horses after lunch, the owner of the little yard where I have them is a good friend and she works so hard so I volunteered to do evening stables so she doesn’t have to rush back from her mum’s. So I’ll be on my own for a few hours sorting out 8 horses, four dogs and about 60 chickens and geese!

@TashieWoo
Sounds ideal! Horses are lovely company and you're helping someone who could use some support. That's Christmas spirit right there! Try not to let things get you down and enjoy your very own interpretation of it all.

The thing is I do so much for other people and often feel forgotten about myself. Sometimes I think that if I wasn’t here anymore, nobody would really care apart from my grandparents. I can’t get upset about anything in front of my parents as they just tell me to pull myself together, when it’s ok for them, they’ve been happy together since they were 19.

People say I’ve got so much going for me and that anyone would be lucky to have me, I guess on the face of it that’s true but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. I’m a bit narcissistic really and only see my worth when it’s reflected in others’ actions and what they say, so things like being ghosted and rejection really hurt.

I'll join too. I'm with my partner but our relationship is hanging by a thread. Got my teenage son who is fab and will jolly the day along.

So even if you're in a relationship you can be sad and lonely as this will most likely be our last Christmas as a family. I'm desperately lonely and been largely ignored for months but I'm really feeling it tonight

Feeling a bit rubbish but no real reason to be so.
Adult son is having his own Christmas with partner ( 250 miles away).
DH is working 250 miles away for the next week ( opposite direction to son ).
First Christmas after losing my mum.
I’m looking forward to having a day to please myself tomorrow but still feel a little sad.

I have a great life on the whole but

Oops, left off the last bit. Great life on the whole but it’s the first Christmas in 30 years that I’ve felt a bit lonely and it’s all a bit meh.

@TashieWoo You're not alone - my story is similar to yours, in that I broke up with my ex back in June and have been seeing someone I met on Tinder for the last few months who seems to have decided a few days ago that she can't handle a relationship at the moment so I'm in limbo about that and feeling really miserable.

Not a nice feeling, and I'll also be glad when Christmas is over.

I can also relate to what you say about having a lot going for you, and yet feeling awful when being rejected. I hope your guy gets in touch soon. And if things don't work out with him, we're only a week away from 2020 when I'm sure you'll meet someone even better who doesn't ignore you.

Enjoy your time with the horses - that'll be a great way to keep your mind off feeling sad, and try to enjoy spending time with your parents.

I’m sorry to hear that @TheCat, it’s just horrible. I can’t stop crying and need to get my shit together and wrap presents. I don’t know why he hasn’t even read my message, it’s like he saw them and deleted them. So, so strange.

I hope you have a nice day tomorrow, maybe the stress has just got to the person you’re seeing and she’ll come back to you after Christmas.

Iv spent christmas's in a relationship..and it was bloody lonely...this year i am sat on my own tonight (ds 2yrs in bed). Im enjoying the peace, will spend tomorrow with my family. I do get the odd twang of loneliness but looking back on the years with my ex and the feeling of being alone even though i was with someone i really would prefer sitting on my own. Heres hoping 2020 brings us all total contentment, with or without a partner

@Louise yes I know the feeling of being lonely in a relationship as well and I’m pleased you’re feeling better now. Hope you have a lovely Christmas and new year.

Yep - I know how you feel! Had a little cry earlier today myself, and have been constantly checking my phone for messages. I was meant to be working today, but wasn't really able to focus. Fortunately I only had a few presents to wrap so managed to force myself to do that.

I think my goal for tomorrow is to not cry in front of my mum. I'm 45 - I should be used to this by now... but it doesn't seem to get any easier!

It is strange how he hasn't even read the message, but maybe there is a logical explanation and he'll get in touch soon.

I hope you have a nice day too. If you do feel down, just remember there are others out here who are thinking of you, and feeling similar. We'll have our happy time soon enough when karma sorts us out :)

I feel like such an idiot now... he messaged me about half an hour ago apologising and saying how crazy things had been... and I’ve also noticed he turned off read receipts on whatsapp. Which doesn’t worry me, but it makes me feel weak because I guess I had a bit of a reliance on them. I will have to look back at this moment and how I felt and remember how stupid I was when I next feel like this.

I hope we both have a happier 2020, or at least parts of it (I know it’s my grandad’s last Christmas and so I feel bad about wishing for a good 2020, as I know it won’t be, especially for my poor grandma).

I’m very lucky I’m not alone but Christmas is a weird one for accentuating things. My son has ASD, he finds this kind of family performance stuff hard. It’s sad watching him get overwhelmed and struggle (obvs we do our best to help and give him space). It’s just this awful fallacy that we must be jolly and together when life just doesn’t work like that. I hope your Grandpa is rested and peaceful in the upcoming weeks.