Feeling very sad and alone this Christmas

[TashieWoo]

I just need somewhere to vent really.

Last Christmas I was with my ex and his family and it was lovely, my family do celebrate Christmas but since there are no children and everyone has got older, it’s been less special. Plus there have been other stresses in the family which have compounded things. But I have a reasonably close family and wonderful parents, who I will be spending tomorrow with.

This year my granddad is seriously ill in hospital. He is 93 and has cancer, then he had a fall on Friday as he has a chest infection. I was there with the paramedics and my grandma and it was very difficult, they practically said at the time he had days left, but then he went into hospital on Saturday and seems to be improving a bit. He won’t be coming home for a while though, and may be going straight into the hospice for palliative care.

My ex and I broke up in July and it was hard, I am over that now but Christmas does make you reflect a bit. Last Christmas and new year just seemed full of promise.

I started seeing a lovely guy a couple of months ago and he seems to have ghosted me... he is going through some family stress at the moment but this is out of character even though it is early days. He messaged me on Friday to see how my grandad was as we were meant to have plans yesterday evening but he didn’t know if he could make it and with the circumstances I didn’t either (he’d never cancelled on me before), I replied that he was improving and to his question about what I’d been doing over the weekend, then nothing. He hasn’t even read my WhatsApp message which is not like him. So I don’t know what’s going on there but I’m not contacting him.

I just feel like everything is out of my control, soon things will be even worse and that Christmas is something everyone will just be going through the motions with, and I don’t feel anything. I’d rather still be going to work on my own to take my mind off things. I have stuff to keep myself busy with but I just feel wretched.

Sorry for the long post and thank you to anyone who reads

Oh dear! Well at least now you know he didn't ghost you.

Not good to rely on a potential partner to bolster your emotions though.. Can you have a think about what action to take in future. Not an "I was stupid" self talk. More of an "I deserve dedication at this minimal level"

That's great news - at least that's a weight off your mind :)

Thank you all.

You are right @EvenMoreFuriousVexation, I annoy myself for ‘needing’ him to bolster my emotions. But like I said I feel that and work are the only things I have some control over, I.e. they are my fault if they go wrong, which I know isn’t healthy.

Another 2019 event is one of my horses having major surgery in September and I don’t know if I’ll be able to ride him again. He’s only eight, of course if I can’t ride him and he still has quality of life then he will stay with me forever but it’s this horrible waiting game until April/May time. My horses are my world and I’ve made a lot of sacrifices to keep them (I also know they’re a massive luxury), but his prognosis is another thing weighing on my mind. I guess I’m just a bit scared of 2020.

Hi @TashieWoo, another one finding this Christmas a bit bleak. Isn’t it funny how the grass always seems greener, I would love to have a horse to hang out with right now! Reckon it would make me feel loads better. We always want what we don’t have!

@Honsandrebels Horses are great and I love everything about looking after them, even poo picking, I find it therapeutic and of course it’s great exercise. I’m sorry you’re not having the best Christmas. There’s just too much pressure on it all.

Happy Christmas everyone

Can i join the alone camp . I haven't had Christmas with anyone for ten years now . I am still in bed with no motivation to do anything.
Happy Christmas everyone

Another one in the lone camp today. My first Christmas without my little boy, no friends (well none that I guess care) and no family (again none that care as they know I’m on my own today). Had a little cry, I’m sure they’ll be a few more.

Merry Christmas lone ones

I hope you manage to enjoy Christmas with your family. Try not to focus on what you don’t have but what you do have this Christmas.
I have a partner but he never spends Christmas with me preferring to spend it alone with his mother. I cried for weeks Ofer this but I have accepted I have my family and my 4 yo niece and just going to make the most of that.

Sorry you are feeling sad OP

I'm all alone this Chrsitmas too as I'm living in temporary accommodation as my house sale goes through.

But I am not sad despite being divorced recently, I feel pretty happy if I'm honest.

A christmas alone is better than a nasty abusive relationship with somebody who doesn't care about you.

It's better then suffering the day with a toxic family.

We have too many expectations about Chrsitmas which are absurd, it's just a day, there is nothing "magical" about it, unless you are very religious it's meaningless. It's a day like any other. Make sure you do things during the year that are meaningful, do not pin all your hopes and dreams on the 25th of December.

Hope you all managed to enjoy Christmas.

Mine was nicer than I thought it was going to be.. I think it was the stress getting to me the other day, plus I was rather confused about what was going on with the guy I’m seeing. Things seem to be a bit better on that front now and more importantly my grandpa is continuing to improve, although his time will come soon as he is very elderly and has cancer.

Yesterday the annual Boxing Day at my grandma’s was a bit different without him there and it was clearly on everybody’s minds, but I think we all had a nice day, and I stayed with my grandma for a bit after everyone had gone.

So I’m feeling rather reflective at the moment, and hoping that despite the inevitable sadness there will be some things to look forward to in 2020.