Is he manipulating me? It's my birthday and I'm so upset.

[ashleytt]

I've been seeing him for 5 months now.
I have strong feelings for him.
He text me last night
"Ok something has happened "
"It's going to make you go off it"
I asked him after 2 mins
"What's wrong"
He replied .."it's ok I've sorted the problem"
I asked him what has happened here ?
He said "drop it"
This morning he's being weird with me..
I say "look it's my birthday she Xmas and you have my stomach in knots"
"Can you please tell me what has happened ?"
He replied ..
"I don't know what your talking about,your acting silly"
I said "last night you said something had happened,that I would be upset about"
He's read it and ignored me..
What on earth ?

I've just said to my friend ...
Why let me stress for a night /day about it when he could have just said.

You want to believe it, sure. But do you really?

If not then try to enjoy Christmas without worrying about him or letting him take up all your headspace, then have a think about what you want to do next.

Be honest with yourself. At minimum he's being a prick and game playing with no thought about your feelings.

If this is true then he's basically ruined his present to you by behaving like a twat. He has metaphorically shat all over your flowers before giving them to you.

Try to work out why you let him do this to you.

It’s pointless posting here really because on some level you obviously enjoy the drama.

Happy birthday!
Happy Christmas!
Don’t believe him. It’s an excuse and a poor one at that. Welcome 2020 by being single.

I agree it’s pointless to keep posting about him here. You’ve done it several times IIRC and the advice is always the same - dump him because he’s messing with your head. You haven’t and it seems like you won’t. Fair enough I suppose. It’s your life. But you could be spending it with someone who actually gives a fuck about your wellbeing instead of with this utter twat. Or you could be on your own only pleasing yourself. Both options are far preferable to where you are ONLY 5 MONTHS IN. This should be the honeymoon phase where you’re both still on your best behaviour. If he’s fucking you about this badly at this stage, it will get much, much worse.

Dump him, for God’s sake.

Easy solution... DUMP

Op, with all due respect, don’t let anyone have this much control over your emotions and mental health.
Start looking into ways of building up your self esteem and emotional resilience.

shakes head in despair...

It seems that men like this don’t want you to have anything good, even a nice birthday, so they find a way to sabotage it. It’s twisted and manipulative and seems to be borne of a deep resentment but it’s definitely a thing.

Wow, you need to watch this one OP.

He loved watching you squirm there didn't he. And then making you feel silly and guilty when you realised it was flowers for you. Classic.

He sounds like a manipulative twat to me.

Does he often try and make you feel insecure?

He's keeping you dancing to his tune/confusing you... And ah yes! here's a bunch of flowers....love bombing you...

Listen carefully... I spent years working in women's refuges.... His behaviour is just typical of an abuser.... Just keeping you guessing /your anxiety high... In the end you'll tolerate anything...

It's almost a test.... To see how much you will tolerate... It will worsen sadly...

Any decent bloke would not be treating you like this a few months in

It's almost a test.... To see how much you will tolerate... It will worsen sadly...

Indeed. Check out the boiled frog theory OP.

This sounds like 'gaslighting', to me. This is an emotional abuse tactic used by narcissist's to start you doubting your own sanity: eg: 'maybe I imagined that'? And thus, the narcissist has more manipulation power over you. I'd read up on narcissism if I were you. I once typed a friend's behaviour into Google and it came up with narcissism. Before this, I knew extremely little of this subject and just assumed that it was simply someone that loves themselves. Boy, was I in for a life lesson!? It may be early days in your relationship, but I implore you to read up on it, so if he is a narcissist. You will know what he is and how to handle it. Narcissist's are more common than people realise and their mind games are extremely confusing to empaths. We tend to attract them, due to our loving and non judgemental nature. Take care and be alert. Beware of the mind games and they favour blanking you for no reason at all! Oh, they love to destroy anything that's not all about them, eg: Christmas and anyone elses birthday. They will cause drama, just be aware.i sincerely hope that I have my 'diagnosis' wrong and it's just a 'blip' in your relationship. They emotionally harm people, but if you're read up on it, it's less likely to happen. All the best.

Bin him. Sounds like he's either:
1.
covering up deceipt

Sowing manipulation seeds that may lead to gaslighting.

The whole 'what are you on about' 'you're silly' are BIG indicators that are one step away from 'you're going mad' etc to make you doubt your own judgement and eventually sanity.

Might think I'm over egging the custard here, but I've worked with a bunch of people who've been gaslighted and abused and it often starts like this.

Bin him asap.

Good luck,

Alan