Think I kissed my colleague at Xmas party

[Lostatsea1988]

Have NCd for this.

Work overseas. On visa sponsored through employer. Professional role.

Married 3 years. Colleague married 10 years. Both happily married. Neither of us have kids.

We work in the same team (although we don't actually work on the same projects) and share an office.

We get on very well, good friends. Never see one another outside of work except when we've had a few boozy dinners with our respective spouses. All get along well. No texting outside of work etc.

Friday Christmas lunch. Boozy, obviously, and I have been on a huge M&A deal since September that's been utterly draining so it's safe to say I hit the champagne hard.

Went to pub after lunch along with rest of department. Fast forward a couple of hours and suddenly the bouncer said to me that I'd had enough and had to go. I remember clearly colleague and other colleagues trying to persuade him I hadn't done anything and to let me stay to no avail. Colleague left pub with me, we went to another.

This is all desperately hazy and I have no idea how this unfolded but I have a definite recollection of us kissing. Not just a peck.

Woke up at 1am at home and text colleague to ask how I'd gotten home. He said he'd ordered me an uber and I thanked him, told him my head was pounding and said I'd pay him back Monday.

Wtf do I do? I feel panicked and sick with guilt but I don't even know what happened.

My husband is an incredible man and I truly love him.

Please don't berate me for the booze, I know i had far too much to drink. It's not a normal occurrence and I won't be doing that again.

Shit happens (or may not have happened) when you’re drunk . Move on - nothing is served in an act of self flagellation in telling DH.

Presumably you didn’t sleep with colleague? and the kiss didn’t take place in full view of everyone else?

What everyone else has said. Don’t say a word. It could be a dream for all you know!

Agree with everyone who says it was only a kiss, forget it and move on and NFW should you tell your dh. Especially as you’re not 100% sure it happened.

You have said you kissed him. You know in the pit of your stomach if you have done something like this as like I said previously it holds so much emotion with it. You would remember his lips on yours however battered. So you know you did. Stop second guessing. Just cut wayyyy back on the drinking. See if he ever mentions it if he doesn't then fine, if he did say oh I can't remember. (Even though you can)
Just soon stop lookin at this page as you are just torturing yourself even more. Have a nice Christmas xx

Telling your husband would only alleviate guilt for you for not lying to him. It wouldn’t make you feel better about what you did and it could destroy your relationship.

It was a drunken kiss that you won’t be repeating. It’ll take time but you need to move on.

Speaking from experience - kissed someone behind my exes back, told him as felt so awful about it and we ended up splitting 3 months later after 3 years together.

You need to give up drinking if you get so wasted you are thrown out of a club and snog a work colleague.

How was work today OP?

Hi everyone, sorry been with husband so tricky to update.

Colleague worked from home on Monday. I do have a vague recollection he mentioned he might do that last week when we were chatting about holiday plans so nothing suspicious about that although naturally I’m second doubting myself and assuming it’s because he couldn’t face me. Gah.

Anyway we did chat over work messenger slightly, initiated by the fact that he forwarded me the Uber request I had asked for over the weekend, I paid, said I had paid he said thanks ‘god you were such a state’ and I said ‘did you send me home’ and so I got a bit more colour on how the night unfolded.

Basically yes apparently (as i knew) I was drunk but didn’t seem it at the first pub, bouncer said I could come back in if I sobered up so he took me for ‘a beer’ (yes I know the logic in that is flawed) but he realised I was actually completely wasted and sent me home in the taxi.

I am concerned by the fact that there was ‘waiting time’ for the uber receipt and am panicking that this means we were snogging in the street saying goodbye or something.

Anyway the kiss (or likely kiss, I should call it) wasn’t discussed. I won’t have to see him for a week now, he’s not on my deal and is officially on annual leave now anyway.

He's a quick talker isn't he.

The misery of a work Christmas do, every year I really look forward to it, I plan my outfit and make up etc and every year I get the 'Beer Fear' sometimes I wonder if its ever worth it.
Hopefully all is well Op and you can move on. I don't mean to rub salt in the wound but I'm so glad I didn't have a work do this year as I don't work!

That kiss didn’t happen.

She said it did happen , she has flashbacks, however drunk you are you know if you cheated or not.

My advice: Do not talk any more about the night with your colleague. Because talking about it further would just make matters worse. Forget the night and don’t mention it to anyone.

If I were your DH I would not want to know.

Don’t drink like that again without your DH there.

" I was drunk but didn’t seem it at the first pub, bouncer said I could come back in if I sobered up so he took me for ‘a beer’ (yes I know the logic in that is flawed) but he realised I was actually completely wasted and sent me home in the taxi."

What fucking bullshit.
If you didn't seem drunk the bouncer wouldn't have kicked you out would he?! Flawed argument right there.
And taking you for a beer to sober up (!) is completely irresponsible. He wanted to take advantage, and he did.

Just curb your excessive drinking and maybe reflect on why you think it's normal to drink to the extent you can't remember what you did the night beforehand.

I don't think he took advantage. I mean for what a kiss?! It's not like he took me to a hotel.

At the very best we are equally culpable. He is fundamentally a decent guy I do not think he would ever think 'yay here's my chance I'll get to kiss lostatsea!' Nor can I imagine a grown man engineering a situation to steal a kiss. A shag? Sure, some absolute bastards definitely do prey on drunk women but this wasn't that.

I know it sounds like I'm over invested in defending him but I'm just determined not to be sold a line about how this wasn't my fault. Conversely it makes me feel worse.

You were not capable of consenting.
You were "at fault" for getting too drunk but that's it.
I hate this victim blaming bullshit that's so pervasive that women have internalised it.

I couldn't just go about my day not knowing what really happened, I'd have to just ask what the hell happened because of my memory being hazy and I'd just say 'look my memory is so hazy from the other night, I need to know what really happened, what do you remember?'

Have you seen him yet OP?

How are u doin op ??

Hi guys - not yet. He decided to use some time in lieu to go on a break with his wife. Again that's something he did mention maybe doing depending on how quiet his deal went over Xmas. Although, who knows. So won't see him til Monday now. Kinda glad and kinda sick to my stomach all at once. I've been having IBS type symptoms for a couple of weeks now. Might be too much fine dining and booze over Xmas or may be the booze. Urgh.

Thanks for checking in. I'll update.

*or may be the guilt.

I’d put in in the memory box and file it far far away
Don’t mention it , don’t start an affair
If you love your husband

If he mentions it , make it clear it was a one off mistake

You majorly messed up. And I don’t think a one off drunken kiss needs to end whats a normally good marriage

And stay off the booze 🍸

I promised an update. He's back. All seems normal, friendly. He briefly teased about me being drunk at the Christmas party but otherwise the evening was not discussed. Just chatter about how was your holiday etc.

Think I'm just going to power on and forget about it x