Really fucked up

[Christmasfuckup]

Hi,
I'm not sure why I am posting this.
Earlier on my dh "tapped" (his words) my 9yr old around the head for not listening. This resulted in my ds crying. (Not surprisingly)
I lost my shit, I'm so embarrassed to write this... I slapped my dh hard on the upper arm.
I cannot justify this. I saw red at hearing my ds crying, again at being told off and hit around the back of the head.
My dd said that ds was listening and was just trying to clean the ddog water bowl without making a mess but at 9 doesn't have the best ability yet to do this completely mess free.

Dh and i have had a screaming match. Dh threating to leave and tell me he wants to "punch my face into a wall"

I told him to leave then. He is upstairs whilst me and the dc are downstairs watching a film.

I tried to talk to dh to apologise, he didnt want to know, which I dont blame him for.

I dont really know what to do right now. I have no idea how we would ever be able to come back from this. I dont think I even want to in all honesty.

Dh has always had a temper on him and we have argued in the past, resulting in him throwing things at me, but this is the first time I've seen red and retaliated.

I've ruined christmas for my DC.

Thank you for reading this far, I dont really expect any replies, just needed to get it out really.

And apparently he is afraid of me
I really hope he is now he knows I wont be putting up with this any more.

I'm off to my parents later so will tell them everything, this will help to keep it real.

If he's afraid of you for hitting him on the arm how do you expect your poor child feels being hit by a fully grown man? He's pathetic.

Wtf you haven't ruined Christmas at all. I wouldn't be surprised if your DS would be happy if your OH left and the two of you spent Xmas day together without that abusive man.

OP I'm sorry, you are in an abusive relationship. Threatening physical violence and actual physical violence against you (by throwing things) and against your DS. This is about control, not him "losing his temper". It might be hard to see now but see this as the last Xmas you will ever let an abusive man near you or your children.

I know how hard it is (been there) but getting your DC away from this man is the most important thing. Please contact the womens centre and also report to the police. It will be useful later on to have it on his record even if no action is taken (trust me). His other threatening behaviour falls under the new coercive control law.

Do the freedom programme in the new year and don't date anyone until you have worked through why you keep attracting abusive (narcissistic) relationships.

Him saying he is scared of you is a classic narcissist reaction. He will play the victim, he will smear your name to anyone who will listen, he will try to talk you round and suck you back into this toxic marraige. You have to be very strong now and prepare to remove him from your life permanently. His abuse has escalated (very common for abusive men to amp it up over the holidays) and he may very well carry out his threats.

Leaving an abusive man is the most dangerous time for women so please get support from your parents and from the police.

Good luck 💐

Hang on, he assaulted a 9 year old child and then went in a huff when the child's mother assaulted him back. Kick the fucker out OP!

Also, why are YOU apologising to a man that hit your child?

Don't blame you one bit. He had no right to touch your poor child. I think I would have wanted to have done worse if that had happened to my child. And I have only ever said LTB once before and here I say it wholeheartedly for your child.

Have a look to see if anyone is running the Freedom Programme near you, it’s brilliant and really teaches you the early warning signs of an abusive partner.

The fact that he's their step dad just makes it worse..... The child was cleaning ffs... Not acting the maggot. Probably was making a bit of a mess as wod I if someone was standing over me judging what I'm doing and how I'm doing it.

Protect your dc and sling him out. Nobody, NOBODY would ever raise a hand to my child.