Is it possible for someone to be into me even though I'm fat?

[confusedyoungthing]

I'm a 24 year old female.
Over the last few years I have put on a lot of weight. I am 215 lbs (15 5st) and wear UK size 18-20 clothes. Yes I know there are people bigger than me out there, however I also have an extremely large chest (38GG) which makes me appear very top heavy and disproportionate. I also feel as though this weight has snuck up on me and I am not used to being 'the fat one' even though I have to accept now that I am.
I got into my last relationship when I was thin and put on some weight during that but even more since we broke up. Now I have met somebody that I'm quite interested in but I feel as though there's no way they could possibly be interested in a fat girl like me?

Ah, really glad you enjoyed it @LetsPretendforDecember!

I agree, given how zeitgeist the show is, it's really strange Shrill hasn't had more publicity! The BBC just stuck it on Iplayer really quietly, it seems.

Don't be daft OP, I lost 7 stone after having a gastric band but never had any bother attracting men before that. In fact they show less interest in me now if I'm honest.
Not everyone wants a model type. men are attracted by confidence, they are not attracted to timid retiring women on the whole.
I'd work on your confidence.

You can analyse what you think men want until the cows come home. It's all assumptions unless they tell you otherwise.

Flip it on it's head. What do you want? What do you like about yourself? What are your top 5 qualities?

I've started seeing someone who thinks I am the bee's knees...I am baffled but won't argue with him about it... he likes what he likes.

I spent years assuming that I was some horrific bog beast. That I made ppl sick. May be I did...I'll never know for sure though.

Best thing I did was start to validate myself, not seek it from others... I could never accept a compliment because I was convinced they were wrong. I had and continue to be a kinder friend to myself.

I won't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's ok. I don't want to be.

Keep believing in you. That way if you do meet someone you'll have a strong sense of self, whatever clothes size you wear x

A lot of men love bigger woman. I'm the biggest I've ever been and i feel sexier than i ever have. I also take more pride in grooming and being glamorous and i feel awesome.

On threads like this, there are usually "there's more to a person than their clothes size" comments, suggesting that somebody might be attracted to you despite your size. But, actually, as other posters have pointed out, many people are attracted to fat women because of their size, not despite it. If you find it hard to believe and aren't opposed to clicking on a porn website, have a look and note that videos featuring fatter women can get just as many views, likes and positive comments as those featuring thinner ones. There aren't 'attractive' bodies and 'unattractive' bodies, only attractive to this person, unattractive to that person bodies. Some people will be attracted to you, others won't - exactly the same as if you were a size 8.

Also, remember OP, that for most of human history, big curvaceous, voluptuous women were the cultural ideal even in the west and a byword for health and fertility. It's only in the past couple of hundred years that's changed, and the twentieth century was the point where it started to become thinness to the point of unhealthiness as the 'ideal'. The male brain (or indeed the female brain) has not really evolved since prehistoric times.

On the whole most men aren’t incredibly picky over what women look like provided they are well groomed, dress well, and are self-confident. When you aren’t self-confident it’s easy to blame the things about yourself that you aren’t confident about but the truth is it’s your lack of confidence that prevents men from approaching you.

Is what Dieu states true, "You have history and/or children together.
It's harder for those of us who are starting out fat." as I've had this concern too.

I’m a size 16 myself, and I’ve had great sex and relationships with both men and women of all different shapes and sizes. The idea that only one specific body type is attractive is nonsense designed to make us buy stuff, essentially. Confidence in one’s body is the sexiest thing of all.

Absolutely!!!
I was a size 10 when I met my OH and I'm now an 18... and had three babies. I've no idea how I got so big... well of course I do but I just can't believe it really.
However my OH finds me attractive no matter what size. He's never once complained or made me feel anything less than a goddess. I don't like my body in the mirror but he adores me.

"Is what Dieu states true, "You have history and/or children together.
It's harder for those of us who are starting out fat." as I've had this concern too."

I'm not sure about that, but there are enough men interested in big women in porn that the preference is completely mainstream - not at all niche. Presumably, there's no history there, they just like bigger bodies.

Agree. I've always been quite slim but super shy and very unsure of myself until relatively recently. I never used to get male attention. As a teenager my closest friend was a size 18, attractive, super vivacious and so confident. Needless to say, all the nice men fancied her and I got her leftovers. She also knew that she wanted to get married so she never wasted time with people who were afraid of commitment / bastards - unlike her less than confident friend. People can be attractive at any size but there's also a lot to be said for confidence and knowing what you want out of a relationship.

I'm my experience of dating, most 'normal', confident and attractive men prefer a slimmer physique. And I say this as a plumpie myself, albeit an attractive one!
And great that your husband treats you like a goddess, but you have history and children together, which proves my earlier point!
The above makes it far easier to overlook physical flaws.

@RuffleCrow
Also, remember OP, that for most of human history, big curvaceous, voluptuous women were the cultural ideal even in the west and a byword for health and fertility. It's only in the past couple of hundred years that's changed

Botticelli's Venus - 1480s

Cranach's Three Graces - 1531

Velazquez Rokeby Nude - 1640s

Not exactly fat, are they?

You don't say how tall you are - actually you may have done, I haven't read all the thread yet - but if you are tall, you may be more statuesque than fat. Statuesque women are amazing and plenty of men would be interested. If you are a really nice, warm and fairly humourous person, I'm sure you'd have admirers.

However, being 15stone+ is not particularly healthy, I'm sure you'd agree with that. At the moment you're young and we all get away with stuff -eating too much, boozing even extreme dieting - when young but that doesn't last forever. You would feel better if you lost some weight, you don't have to go skinny.

I did that, blimey more than 20 years ago and when I put my mind to it, it was not difficult at all. I stopped being a couch potato (I did go to work but took little exercise), and comforting eating. Walked everywhere instead of going on a 'bus or car, walked up stairs rather than take a lift and had a little personal exercise regime, didn't take long, when on my own at home. Hee hee, it included my own version of ballet. The weight fell off! I felt marvellous too, I wasn't skinny but had a good figure. I did actually eat well and healthily. I'm just saying it is achievable but whatever you do, don't pressurise yourself.

I hope your new relationship goes well and wish you every success in the future.

OP. I'm a size 12. I've been a 16 and I've been a 10.

At every size, I've been told to lose weight by whatever man I'm dating.

I wouldn't worry about it. If someone comments negatively on my weight/size/body, I dump them.

You've selected three paintings from thousands, @ScarlettBlaize

Not sure what this very selective sliver of art history is intended to do, other than add to women already feeling shit about their bodies?

I met my husband when I was the wrong side of 40, 14.5 stone and 5ft4". I know his 'type' up until then was tall slim blondes....he never married those. He waited until he was nearly 50 and married a short fat ginger with two kids and three cats.

I have lost quite a bit of weight since ( medically needed) and I know whatever my size, he loves me, fancies me and only wants me.

You are you and you are beautiful

I was fat for a long time and never struggled for a date. I know it helps that I have a pretty face though as several of the men have commented on it saying that is more important than the perfect body. I do think it is easier though to get in a relationship fat than keep one when you started out slim. In fact, my friend was always big but then lost a load of weight and her partner ended up finishing with her as he didn't find her attractive anymore. Some men do prefer bigger women as beauty can be subjective, however I have noticed that some men target fat women because they think they will be desperate for attention and put up with their shit.

I'm size 16 with FF boobs and generally assume I'm too "matronly" to be attractive but I've still had offers. My DP is very fit and into weight training so very much in shape and he likes the differences between us. He likes the whole soft curves, voluptuousness thing. There's someone for everyone, lucky.