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Original poster

Is it possible for someone to be into me even though I'm fat?

86 replies

confusedyoungthing · 21/12/2019 19:03

I'm a 24 year old female.
Over the last few years I have put on a lot of weight. I am 215 lbs (15 5st) and wear UK size 18-20 clothes. Yes I know there are people bigger than me out there, however I also have an extremely large chest (38GG) which makes me appear very top heavy and disproportionate. I also feel as though this weight has snuck up on me and I am not used to being 'the fat one' even though I have to accept now that I am.
I got into my last relationship when I was thin and put on some weight during that but even more since we broke up. Now I have met somebody that I'm quite interested in but I feel as though there's no way they could possibly be interested in a fat girl like me?

OP posts:
LazyArsehole · 21/12/2019 20:42

In the last 4 years I've had 3 relationships and I'm a size 16/18

LazyArsehole · 21/12/2019 20:44

And I'm not the sexy curves type. I'm a huge bellied apple type.

Lweji · 21/12/2019 20:44

Of course you will still attract a partner.
If this person you're interested in isn't attracted to you, it's something that can happen to anyone. If they're not interested because of your weight, then you're better without them.

Graphista · 21/12/2019 20:45

I've been very slim and very large and I'm now closer to your size.

I've noticed I get more male attention as a larger woman than I ever did when very slim.

I think it's partly the boob thing, but also partly I'm actually more confident body/sexuality wise now than I was when I was very slim.

I've mentioned before on here, my brothers best mate has a real thing for larger ladies, his wife is I think a size 28-30 and he utterly adores her, he's always dated larger girls/women (known him since our teens) he used to get teased about it but is just very straightforward with people now and won't take nonsense from others either against him and definitely not his wife.

She is a fantastic, confident, intelligent, easy going lady. He is very tall and very slim, very easy going lovely guy himself.

Don't let your weight stop you living your life.

Too often we put happiness on hold, "I'll do x when I've lost the weight" "I'll go on holiday to y when I've saved double what I need to do so" "I'll try for that promotion when my relationships doing better"

It just leads to living unhappily.

If you haven't already (because this is something we larger women do quite often, put off until we lose the weight) get yourself some good quality, flattering clothes and shoes that fit your personality, get a good haircut, and rock how you look NOW because I bet you look great!

OhCumInMyFaceful · 21/12/2019 21:25

I had a boyfriend who couldn't get enough of my curves. It was what attracted him to me.

I'm slightly bigger than you and I have a long-term partner. He's much much much bigger than me but I still fancy him. It's him, not his weight.

Heaviestdirtyestsoul · 21/12/2019 21:28

My partner loves me, he met me at size 20, has seen me balloon to a 30 and start to go down again, he has never changed his affections towards me. (Despite recent weight loss leaving my massive chest deflated) he dosent love me because I'm fat- he just loves me ❤

Mermaidsinthesand · 21/12/2019 21:32

Be whatever size makes you happy not anyone else

Be confident in yourself of course people will fancy you, dont worry about that more things in life to worry over than dress sizes

Interestedwoman · 21/12/2019 21:46

'Yes I know there are people bigger than me out there, however I also have an extremely large chest (38GG) which makes me appear very top heavy and disproportionate. '

Not that appearance is everything anyway, but you say 38GG like it's a bad thing. A lot of men/women who love women would really go for that. It's one of the perks of putting on a bit of weight :)

I'm sure you'll find plenty of people that fancy and like you x

Jiggles101 · 21/12/2019 22:18

Some of the sexiest women I know are 'BBWs' - attraction is about chemistry more than looks anyway.

I also think more men than you'd think prefer bigger girls, they're not brave enough to go for a different type than what their mates find attractive when they're young but as they get older they stop caring so much.

Justaordinarybloke · 21/12/2019 22:18

I don't like the term fat. I pref to say curvy girls. My ex was up and down. Average around a larger 16-18. Nice boobs. Love handles in right place. Great sex, everything I wanted so there is some one for everyone out there.

Dieu · 21/12/2019 22:19

I would class myself in the very attractive range. I have big boobs, long naturally blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty face. I'm 45. And plump.
Truth be told, I feel a bit invisible these days.
I have told myself that I am not going to online date again until I lose some weight. I feel quite strongly that I will meet a good match when slimmer, as I will look and feel better, with increased confidence.
Most men prefer slim women. That's the reality. My slim friend meets extremely attractive guys all the time, whereas I got sick of meeting guys I didn't fancy.

Owem · 21/12/2019 22:50

Op there’s a programme on tonight at 11 on channel 10 that you might find interesting. It’s about Hattie Jacques and her marriage and affair. I’ve always thought she was beautiful, and she’s most definitely a larger woman.

RuffleCrow · 21/12/2019 23:00

Is that the one with Ruth Jones? I've always thought she was gorgeous - especially as Nessa Blush takes all sorts (bisexual woman here btw op if that counts for anything)

LazyArsehole · 22/12/2019 00:00

@Justaordinarybloke
I prefer the term fat. It's what I am.

I think 12/14 is curvy. Maybe 16.

18+ is fat.

And I'm not ashamed of the word. It's just an accurate description.

Dieu · 22/12/2019 01:31

And it's lovely that some of you have partners who have loved and stood by you through fat and thin. But you must understand that this is easier when you have history and/or children together.
It's harder for those of us who are starting out fat!

MissMoan · 22/12/2019 01:34

You are so much more than what you weigh. Confidence and kindness are attractive qualities. Please be kind to yourself OP, and don't let a number on a scale determine your happiness x

RonaldMcDonald · 22/12/2019 01:38

Yes

You are not fat - you have Xs fat for what you would like - stop identifying with the thing you dislike or else you will become a thing you dislike

Plenty of people like fatties and skinnies and plumpies and lumpies
You’ll be grand

TheReef · 22/12/2019 06:42

Bourses first courses Grin thankfully we all find different shapes and sizes attractive. I'm a size 16 and my dh genuinely loves my shape and find me attractive

CodenameVillanelle · 22/12/2019 07:55

I don't like the word 'curvy' as a euphemism for fat. Some women genuinely are curvy - and that can cover everything from the kardashian frame to much fatter women who maintain an hourglass shape but it doesn't really apply to most larger women.

category12 · 22/12/2019 11:04

I think you mean "horses for courses", TheReef.

Tinytimoteo · 22/12/2019 11:21

He might or might not like you but it could be because of anything like your voice, your haiur, likes smaller breasts more, your height, your teeth. You being slimmer may still mean hes not attracted.

In general, yes of course some men will find your body attractive.

You yourself dobt find absolutely all types of men attractive, surely?! Like we have preferences someone has them too

Lweji · 22/12/2019 11:24

Not sure men are what the OP is concerned about.

LetsPretendforDecember · 22/12/2019 13:44

Just posting to say a big THANK YOU to @RuffleCrow for her recommendation to the OP of Shrill up thread. I had never heard of this and watched the first one.

What a joy it is. I binged watched the whole series. Maybe it is famous and well known but I've never heard of it. It's a shame it deserves to be raved about and watched by any woman who has ever been on a diet or had a bad bf.

Thank you @RuffleCrow for this post -

I have a recommendation for you, OP:

Shrill

It's a US comedy-drama currently on BBC Iplayer about exactly your situation.
The lead actress is big and absolutely gorgeous but her character suffers from low self esteem in both her romantic and professional lives, but she slowly begins to realise her own worth - regardless of her size. It's bittersweet and laugh out loud funny in places. (And it has actual British people playing the token British characters - which is always a plus!)

Framic · 22/12/2019 15:24

Depends how attractive he is. If he has few other options then yeah, he may find you attractive. If the guy is attractive though then its unlikely hes going to pick you over other thinner options.

Guys, especially successful and attractive ones, are visual. The 'its whats inside' rhetoric is counter productive, especially when we live in an age where almost everyone (bar some medical conditions) has the capacity to change their body shape/size.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 22/12/2019 15:36

I‘ve been fat most of my life. And never short of a date, with mostly very lovely men. Plenty of men are attracted to bigger women, or find it‘s not an issue for them. In fact, perhaps it’s better to start out fat. So many posters on here have been treated badly by their partners after gaining weight.