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Original poster

Horrible first date

76 replies

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 21/12/2019 12:37

Horrendous first date last night. He was from PoF, looked nothing like his photo, was about 4 inches shorter than promised, was rude, arrogant, argumentative and far too tactile. When I rejected his sleazy advances he told me that at 34 my best years were behind me and that I should get 4 cats. Awful experience.

My question - how do you end a date that is going badly? What do you say? Do you just get up and leave?

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 21/12/2019 20:48

4 cats for me, no pussy for you.

👋

AlwaysOnAbloodyDiet · 21/12/2019 21:05

@PicsInRed I'm laughing out loud !!

Sushiroller · 21/12/2019 21:17

I've done this... after the first time it gets waaay easier

I've never left mid-drink but I've left after a single drink saying something like "well, it was nice to meet you (even if it was not really), but I think we can both tell this isn't going anywhere so I'll give you the rest of your afternoon/evening back, good luck"

The trick is to make it seem like they are rejecting you too Wink

For the proper creepo plonkers I would just say my housemate texted and they locked themselves out so I have to go RIGHT NOW. So sorry not sorry at all

switcharoo · 21/12/2019 21:17

On one of mine I went to the loo, ordered an Uber and snuck out the pub then text him I'd gone. He answered a call from another girl he openly admitted he'd been on dates with before me and sat chatting to her while I sat there like a lemon! To give you some hope I'm now happily married for 2 years to lovely DH who I met through Tinder!

Lozzerbmc · 21/12/2019 21:28

What an idiot he was - just politely leave next time why waste your time. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince!

After my first ever internet date the guy wanted to meet again. I politely declined as not my type and he emailed me saying I’d end up a sad, lonely, childless old woman. He was wrong thankfully as later met my DP on internet date!

Inexperiencedchick · 21/12/2019 21:50

Someone from POF told me “no wonder you are single” because I said it won’t work for me to get involved with someone recently separated from his wife and 2 kids.
I still laugh about that expression and use it in some situations.
The guy you met might even not be 40y.o.
At least 45.
Dated someone for a while thinking he was 3 years younger than me, turned out to be 5 years older. Same POF.

Dieu · 21/12/2019 22:09

He was putting you down because he knew you were above him, and he just wanted to tae you down a peg or two. Twat.

AnFiadhRuaRua · 21/12/2019 23:15

I nearly went on a date with somebody i thought was 7 years older which was the upper end of what i would have wished for. He had boasted about the books he'd written, so it was easy to look him up and discover he was 15 years older than I am. I politely cancelled and the jackass responded, shame i wont get to hear about your "life".

I wanted so badly to say "my life is my life. It's your "life" that's a "life".

But i sat on my hands.

Muckycat · 21/12/2019 23:17

Wow OP! This is very, very familiar to a hideous date I went on! He didn't happen to be in the legal profession, did he? (Not an indictment on all lawyers!) I ended up calling him a horrendous little man and leaving after 15 mins.

SandAndSea · 21/12/2019 23:27

Sounds horrible, OP.

I think if I was dating now I would try to see the early dates in a practical way, a bit like interviewing people for a job where you've got loads of applicants. Keep it to a short coffee in the day, ask lots of questions and don't invest too much. Let them know upfront that you need to go somewhere else afterwards, so you can bow out easily.

That said, if you need to cut it even shorter, I might say something like, "Wow! O. Kaaay! Moving swiftly on! I've to get on now. Good luck with everything. Bye!"

Cherrygirl3 · 21/12/2019 23:43

Sounds like a right charmer OP Shock
In the South East there's a thing many pubs/bars participate in called "Ask for Angela". If on a date where you feel uncomfortable/uneasy or God forbid, threatened in any way the staff are trained to help you if you approach them and ask if "Angela" is in today. They will call you a cab and see that you get out of the situation discretely and without fuss. Great scheme.

Murrfect · 22/12/2019 07:52

@Muckycat me too.... are you in the SW? Or do you think it’s a plague of angry little legal professionals taking over online dating?! Grin

Feelingabitashamed · 22/12/2019 08:48

Haha Murrfect probably a whole swarm of them! I am in London and think he lived locally

Bubblesintheair · 22/12/2019 11:08

I faked a call from my mum saying my daughter wasn't very well. However that was a few years ago. I think now that I am older and a bit tougher after 13 years being single I would just say that I wasn't feeling it.

Winterdaysarehere · 22/12/2019 11:22

Omg my dd went on a date, they ended up back at his house - not a stranger - she text me to go pick her up as he was awful..
She sent the text to him by mistake.. And had to sit there waiting for me to arrive once she realised and did text me!

MsMellivora · 22/12/2019 11:51

I’m not the quiet type and he would have got both barrels from me but I am good at this and thick skinned. I worked in all male environment for many years and know the enemy well.

My older sister is one of the sweetest women you could ever meet, very non confrontational. When a first date wasn’t going well she went to the loo in the pub and climbed out of the window and made her escape.

vbtudor · 23/12/2019 08:38

Good morning ladies

Excuse my I trusion into your forum, I saw this post and registered just to respond

I am a pub owner and we, along with a lot of other pubs, run a scheme called "Ask For Angela"

If you are in a situation where you feel in any way threatened, go to the bar and Ask For Angela.

The bar staff will assist in getting you away safely, and defusing the situation for you.

We also run a similar scheme asking for a paracetamol. You ask for a paracetamol and we will take you upstairs as we cannot administer drugs in public. We will then deal with the situation how you wish (spirit you away out the side door, tell them you had to go home, organise a taxi or in one instance I have driven someone home as she was so afraid.

You could always get a friend to call you 20 mins into the date to ask are you ok. If not she/he can tell you you need to come home cos cat, baby, washing machine has a problem.

As for the guy himself, well you are best off without him. If someone is not as they describe then just ask him how he can expect to start any relationship with a lie and turnaround and walk away. It will not get any better from there

Please be safe out there and do not put yourself in danger. Let other people handle it for you. Go to places you know.

Merry Xmas

Vince

minesagin37 · 23/12/2019 08:50

Don't give losers one second more of your time. 'You're an arsehole' 'bye'

Tellingitlikeitisnt · 23/12/2019 08:55

Good decision to make it just a drunk not a meal

Practice I’m front of the mirror- head up- meet their gaze- ‘Thank you for your company so far but this really isn’t working for me and that last comment has sealed my decision to leave- bye’

Then go. Don’t look back
Stay in very public place (don’t park in a car park etc) as sometimes twatty men don’t react well to being put down.

Ideally meet in the daytime or very early evening then you can walk into a shop or whatever and phone a friend to come and meet you (always have one on standby)

QueenOfOversharing · 23/12/2019 08:56

My last foray into OLD, I arranged a call after an hour from a friend, so I could bail if need be. I'm so non-confrontational, it would have been easier. I did sit through an interminable first date once (which prompted this strategy) where he told me he wasn't exactly single, but looking for someone for a 3sum! Then texted me the next day, like he had been on an entirely different date to me!!!

EverythingsDozy · 23/12/2019 09:12

I arranged an OL date for an hour before I had a doctors appointment. I wasn't that keen but he insisted we met (and since I accidentally publicly insulted him, I felt bad and agreed). Longest 45 minutes of my life but I managed to get out of there eventually thanks to the appointment! This guy has since been arrested and charged for sexually assaulting an 18 year old woman in the street...

I also had someone who looked nothing like their pictures look me up and down, spend 15 minutes with me, then tell me he had to babysit his niece and it was very nice and we should do this again. Never heard from him after that. Do you have any nieces you could babysit??

In all seriousness though, if someone is being so horrifically rude to you, I wouldn't even think of an excuse. I'd just say half way through his sentence "well this was fun, have a nice evening" and leave 🤷🏼‍♀️

madparrotlady12 · 23/12/2019 09:20

Wow 😂 what a dick I would of just got up and left . Also would of probably told him there's no wonder he's single . Hope your ok op not all men are like him so don't let that put you off ❤️ and at 34 your life is just beginning x

Stillsexystillsingle · 23/12/2019 10:07

Btw for those who have never been on the receiving end of it this is 'negging' the idea is for the guy to put you down and undermine your self confidence so that you'll feel so desperate for positive attention that you'll jump into bed with him..or something like that.. it's a 'technique' taught by the pick up artist community... although not one that would ever work on me or anyone I know, like you I'd just be inclined to run fast in the other direction! Men..they just get it wrong don't they Grin

LuckyShoe · 23/12/2019 10:53

Oh I could list my shitty OLDs before I met my DP but we’d be here all day. The most memorable was one who said he was a pilot in his profile and was a family man who adored his twin DDs.

We met at a pub. He messaged me told me he was there and I arrived just after. He was nowhere to be seen. I nipped to the loo and saw someone looking about ten years older than his profile pic get out of an absolute banger in the car park. I returned to the bar and he was stood there. Proceeded to pick a fight immediately with the poor barman over the price of a glass of wine and because he gave him his change with four 50p’s instead of two pounds.
We sat there and he spent the next five minutes just looking shiftily around the pub before showing me about 15 photos of other women he had been on dates with, all taken surreptitiously. He’d warmed up by then and started to tell me about his “Psycho” Ex, the mother of his DDs, who had a restraining order against him and that he was on bail for raping her. He then told me he was unemployed and that he had taken a couple of flung lessons so that made him a pilot Hmm
I got a well timed message and said I had to go- he jumped up and started walking to the car park with me before grabbing me, trying to kiss me and asking if we could be “fuck buddies”.

I have never been so relieved to get home in my life...

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 23/12/2019 11:07

@vbtudor

Thanks for coming on an telling us about Angela. I'm sure we'll look her up some time, if we need to.