Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I miss my ex but have a boyfriend

35 replies

AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 09:51

Hi, im 26, been with boyfriend for 8 months and I have been happy with him.
I broke up with ex during the summer last year after he moved abroad for no reason, just to "see the world", 2 weeks after I had had a major operation. This combined with his on and off dumping me and talking to other girls behing my back led to the breakup. I was devastated and he had been gone for coming on a year. He moved back about 2 months ago and wanted to meetup but i had moved on with someone else and was happy with that.

Hadnt heard off him since until i had a text the other day saying how hes going back abroad because he cant bear to be in the same town as me knowing we're not together and wished me a merry christmas.

This was 2 days ago and i havent stopped thinking about him since. And i've been getting a random "ick" feeling from boyfriend. When boyfriend tried it on with me last night, i couldnt stomach the thought so made out i was tired.

But before the email, I couldnt keep my hands off boyfriend. Maybe i'm just being hormonal - just came off the implant and started the pill

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 09:52

Before the text sorry

OP posts:
scotsllb · 21/12/2019 09:55

I think you are just going through the rose tinted glasses stage.
Think back to reality where your ex was hit and cold and texting other girls and decided he would prefer to go travel than be with you.
No he's back he thinks he can click his fingers and disrupt the new life you made for yourself when he gave you no choice.
He's manipulating you with the text and is trying to make you feel guilty.
If this guy cared about you he would respect you and the fact he left you.
Your new guy was great until the ex messed your head up again, don't let him

beyondtheshed · 21/12/2019 09:57

First boyfriend sounds like a nightmare. Rest assured he's not going abroad because of you, he's going because he wants to. He's just trying it on to see if he can reel you back in for five minutes before he f's off again. He won't have changed.

Current boyfriend is much better. Stick with him and in a short while I'm sure you'll feel happy with him as you did before the text from idiot ex.

slipperywhensparticus · 21/12/2019 09:58

He wants to shag and dump do you really want to be that girl?

Aussiebean · 21/12/2019 10:02

Your ex is a manipulative arse.

Can’t bear to be in the same town but happy to dump you on and off and talk to other women when you are around.

There is not much to actually miss. If you actually see who he is.

Original poster
AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 10:06

Thanks guys, i just needed a reality hit;
My boyfriend is amazing and i can tell he truly cares for me

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 10:07

And i love my boyfriend which is why i was scared of these "i'm missing my ex" thoughts even though its only been 2 days;
Maybe i'm just fantasising in my head about the past and seeing it as better than what it was

OP posts:
Tessaraqt · 21/12/2019 10:11

He's not going back travelling because he can't bear to be in the same town as you, he's saying that so he can have that smug feeling that you'll always be at his beck and call, and so he gets sex before he goes. Don't lower yourself back down to his level, he sounds uncaring and cruel.

Original poster
AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 10:18

Just realised i had loads of message requests on messenger from him saying how much he loves me and hes angry were not together etc and he doesnt care about my new boyfriend.
He must have been drunk but im not replying or accepting the message request

OP posts:
Crystal87 · 21/12/2019 10:23

He's playing you. If I was you I wouldn't be with either of these men. If you're feeling ick because of your boyfriend that is a very bad sign. But your ex messed you about and now thinks he can come back and you'll just have him back? There's men out there better suited to you, you don't have to settle for the ones immediately available.

midep · 21/12/2019 10:30

He's just spitting his dummy out OP. Nothing loving about any of that.

Block.

Original poster
AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 10:41

But the "ick' only happenef after the text; boyfriend and i have a lovely christmas planned together with our families, been christmas shopping together and we regularly go on double dates with my friends,
I dont want to leave him but want this feeling to go away

OP posts:
Crystal87 · 21/12/2019 11:04

If you were really in love with your boyfriend a text from your ex wouldn't do that. All feelings for anyone else would be out the window.

Lozzerbmc · 21/12/2019 11:10

I dont think either man right for you actually. The first one definitely not as he was interested in others before travelling.

Whilst you like your current boyfriend if you were that mad about him you wouldnt have been bothered by thoughts of the first boyfriend ...

PhannyPharts · 21/12/2019 11:15

It's probably because all of that "I can't be without you" stuff is the way we think love should be. Mainly thanks to pop songs and movies. It's all heart break and dramatic and makes you feel alive. Except it's all bollocks. You're thinking about a passionate fantasy relationship.

He texts stuff to other girls and treats you like shit. Actions speak louder than words. Trust me.

4amWitchingHour · 21/12/2019 11:17

PPs are being silly. I don't think the way you're feeling means anything about your new boyfriend. Your ex is a manipulative twat however, and when you've been in a manipulative relationship they have a weird hold over you that lasts a long time, and can make you feel strange about your current partner when you're emotionally transported back to that place. Forget the old guy, and be happy :)

Mermaidsinthesand · 21/12/2019 11:47

I agree with @4amWitchingHour spot on

HazelBite · 21/12/2019 11:48

Did you post in the past about your ex when he decided to "travel" at short notice.
If so, and I am remembering correctly he treated you appallingly, and showed very little care for you and was totally selfish and cruel.
Try and remember how he made you feel and how easily he pushed you aside to do what he wanted.
Its all about him and what he wants, and You damaged his ego when you moved on seemingly (to him) not giving him another thought he wanted you at home pining for him while he had "fun".
He doesn't love you he just wants your attention don't give him the satisfaction!

SapatSea · 21/12/2019 12:14

Your ex is manipulating you. It'd be nice for him to have a shag before he goes and/or to know you are on the hook with a comfy nest for when he returns.

As to your current bf, you need to work out if you want him because life is nice with him, he fits in with your friends etc. so it is comfy and nice but not deep seated feelings. Was sex better with your ex? Sometimes it can be hard to accept "niceness" and care when we are used to the mind f**k and heightened feelings (good and bad) of relationships with drama llamas.

crestar · 21/12/2019 12:48

You should tell your 'new' boyfriend all of this so he has the option of leaving you.

I'm sure he wouldn't be at all devastated to know the thought of him being anywhere near you gives you an 'ick' feeling. Very nice op.

He clearly deserves someone so much better because even if you 'get over it' this time, it is clearly in your nature to feel like this again at some point in the future.

Original poster
AmIBeingStupid111 · 21/12/2019 12:59

But the ick feeling only happened yesterday, usually i am attracted to boyfriend, this feeling will pass and we've spent the day together and i love being around boyfriend;
Maybe im just having a moment

OP posts:
magoria · 21/12/2019 13:01

Want to bet you are not the only woman he is sending these messages to?

Just don't be the one to bite the hook.

Loveablers · 21/12/2019 13:04

Are you the poster who fell pregnant ? One minute it was one baby the next twins?

I apologise if you’re the wrong poster

Either way this guy is messing you about. I mean he could be telling the absolute truth but you’ll never know because you’ll never trust him 100%

readitandwept · 21/12/2019 13:13

This is that poster.

And she could easily have blocked the ex last time he was trying his luck, but clearly she didn't.

readitandwept · 21/12/2019 13:14

And I'm sure it was triplets.

Swipe left for the next trending thread