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Relationships

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Original poster

Think it’s ended. Advice deciding message

34 replies

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:03

Written on here before. Being seeing a guy for 4 months. Both busy, him craft business, full time job and 50% custody of teenager. Me full time job often working overtime and active social life. We live 30 mins drive From each other and see each other 1/2 nights a week.

Since December has hit, we have little time to see each other. He warned me that as he has family from abroad a d he is doing craft fairs he won’t have much free time. I understood this, but we said we would make time once a week. 22nd onwards we knew we would not see each other for a week due to Xmas plans. Last saw him Saturday a d he said we should hopefully see each other before next week. However, getting time has been hard.

He cancelled Monday as messed up an order. On Tuesday he said free Sunday night or potentially Friday as his teenager may not be staying. I said Friday best and he said he round confirm, but if not Sunday. Other free days he is out for drinks with work and off to see star wars with his mate Saturday.

So I found out today that he definitely has his teenager on Friday. He didn’t tell me. I messaged him to ask if still on for Friday, replied no got kid, but she may change her mind. Great didn’t tell me! He then said with his family Saturday from abroad, out with mate Saturday and then with family Sunday. I asked still free Sunday night. He replied as I said with family Sunday. He had told me day before free on Sunday night!

I am now annoyed as he can make plans with everyone but me! I sent a messaging saying ok oh well. Have a great tine with your family and Christmas. I really wanted to send a break up text, but couldn’t as honestly not ready to give up, even though I should.

I can’t and won’t ask him to not see his kid, as that’s priority. He said he was looking forward to seeing his family as not seen them for years. I understand this too and was expecting not too see him when they were here. It annoys me he can break plans with family to spend time with his mate, but not me.

His reply - you too, hope your parents don’t do your head in. This sounds A final message. Basically it sounds to me that I won’t hear from him at all. Like we have mutually parted ways. In my head he has annoyed me and I can’t express my frustration without sounding like I am getting at his kid now staying on the night we had planned. I haven’t meet her yet. But what annoys me is the lack of supposed priority I have. What do you think?

OP posts:

gamerchick · 19/12/2019 22:17

I wouldn't think he was finishing things, just you've been put in a cupboard until he's finished his important stuff. Personally I'd take it as ended and when he gets back in touch, tell him then and wish him well.

category12 · 19/12/2019 22:23

I don't think it was a final message. He'll probably expect to be able to pick up where you left off in the new year. Depends if you really want to bother with that.

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:25

In my mind it is. Just can’t articulate it yet without sounding like I am blaming his daughter - which I am not. It’s his attitude. But do you think his message Means I am not going to talk to you till I have time.

OP posts:

category12 · 19/12/2019 22:29

Yes, I wouldn't expect to hear much from him.

You could say something like "this isn't working for me - I need someone who is fussed enough to make time for me, especially around the holidays - we're clearly not on the same page, so let's leave it here."

MsPepperPotts · 19/12/2019 22:35

This guy has no time for a relationship and....
You're the gap filler
Sending him any message will not get the response or commitment you want from him.
Don't bother sending him a message just block and move on.

Tippletopple · 19/12/2019 22:36

No it just means “likewise”. You sent a message saying “oh well, have fun with your family” which would suggest to him that you won’t be speaking to him until he has time - which you’ve passive-aggressively acknowledged won’t be until after Christmas.

That said, I’d echo the others - up to you if you want to bother...

managinged · 19/12/2019 22:39

I remember your earlier thread.

Regarding this latest text from him, it seems to me that he's thinking "right, later I'll try to make a plan to get together with Moses12, after Christmas and New Year's are over, after my family visit is done."

This month is especially busy for him but I can't help wondering if he's always going to be juggling you with the other priorities. If you really like him, then see how things go during January, after his family members have gone back to their home country.

LellyMcKelly · 19/12/2019 22:40

When you only live half an hour from each other the reason you’re not seeing each other is because one of you doesn’t really want to. It’s easy to pop over for a coffee or meet half way for a catch up for half an hour, once or twice over the holiday, especially if he has family there to take care of his daughter.

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:41

I was trying not to be passive. I just couldn’t articulate my frustration. Think I shall leave it.

Very annoying as in person he is really nice. Just busy juggling balls and I am getting dropped. He said he wanted to take things slow, but he is making me a needy person and that’s not me. He was so attentive up till a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s him trying to end it.

OP posts:

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:44

Yip. Agree we could make time. He works in my city and was out for tea with colleagues. I said pop in on way home. He replied will see what I can do. It’s annoying as he has declarations of love for his last partner over Facebook at the time they were going out. That relationship only lasted a few months. Actions speak louder

OP posts:

HappyHedgehog247 · 19/12/2019 22:45

In my experience, when a man wants to see someone they find a way. I don’t mean he’s lying about the other things but that you aren’t enough of a priority for him to find a way around all the barriers.

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:46

managinged - the thing is, 2 weeks ago we said we would do something New Year’s Eve. He forgot and said he has no plans. I said we were doing something and he replied yes, if I dint have my kid. It’s a scheduled day, but he said Xmas plans are pushing childcare all over.

OP posts:

Babyg1995 · 19/12/2019 22:49

If he really wanted to see you he would my dp lived an hour away and didn't have a car when we met worked 5 days and had his teenage son once a week we seen each other twice a week him always coming to me .

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:51

It’s been like that till December. He always makes an effort to come to me. Just December hit he hit busy and wanted to see everybody. I just got pushed down the ladder. I didn’t really expect to see him when his sister was here, but to make plans with friends and not me!

OP posts:

NobJobWinker · 19/12/2019 22:52

Sounds like you are overreacting assuming everything was going well prior to December

It is tricky at thed best of times to juggle work, family etc during December but if he is in a business where this is the busiest time of the year then it must be really stressful

I would cut him some slack and hold off making a decision til the new year

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 22:52

Sorry that sounded selfish. Should of said include me somehow.

OP posts:

MsPepperPotts · 19/12/2019 22:54

It's a horrible situation to be in when someone makes all the right moves to make you a priority then all of a sudden you're dropped an you wonder WTH did I do?
His actions have got you on the back foot wondering what's going on with him and tbh some men do like to do this with women and as you rightly say it's making you feel insecure.
Being sidelined at Christmas or any time for that matter is horrible and you deserve better from someone who wants to be with you not just use you as a convenience
I hope you are getting your glad rags on and are off out for Crazy Friday tomorrow. You never know who you will bump into

Original poster

Moses12 · 19/12/2019 23:03

Yip. Dropped because not interested or busy? He keeps texting saying it’s manic this time of the year. He does text or call everyday. Just not into pen pals. Not too sure I am being not understanding or just pissed

OP posts:

MsPepperPotts · 19/12/2019 23:15

I think your gut feeling is telling you that there's something not right with this situation.
@LellyMcKelly @HappyHedgehog247 @Babyg1995 have all said it as it should be when a person really likes you and will do anything to find the time.

Claireshh · 19/12/2019 23:37

If he has been lovely and attentive prior to December I would wait and see. He has said he is busy this month with craft fairs and family visits. You’ve only been together four months so I wouldn’t finish now if I were you. That said, I wouldn’t be sitting in on New Year’s Eve on the off chance he wants to see you.

BumbleBeee69 · 19/12/2019 23:42

OP it sounds to me like you're an option.. He gets a better offer he takes it.. He's clearly not told anyone you exist.. I think you deserve better OP.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/12/2019 23:56

This relationship is not working for you, and I do think that pp are right - he is just not that into you. Sorry OP.

Original poster

Moses12 · 20/12/2019 00:04

His friends know about me and his brother. Teenager kind of, but certainly not in a place to meet. His sister I think so, she is coming from USA. He is close to her and had been really excited she is coming, planking it for months. No mention of meeting. But think that’s cause the teenager will be thete

OP posts:

IM0GEN · 20/12/2019 00:06

Sounds like he wants something casual, that he sees you when he doesn’t have anything else on. Nothing wrong with that , if that’s what you want too.

Are you both also dating other people ?

marchingonwithmother · 20/12/2019 00:14

That sounds like you won't hear from him until after Christmas tbh. Although I do think he will text at some point he's just not that interested

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