Help me end my relationship

[shemakesmewaitonabedofnails]

DP and I have been seeing each other for ~18 months. I'm recently divorced, and have a DS who is 4.

DP and I live miles apart (~4 hour car journey). He comes to see me once a fortnight or so (DS lives with me so easier for DP to make the journey).

I need to end it. He is talking about moving in, having a family together (he loves DS and is great with him), wants to help. Says and does all the right things, but I just can't do it.

I work ~45hrs a week + 2 hrs daily commute (I work 4 days a week). I am a single mum and having a DP is just impacting the rest of my life so much I just can't handle it. I stay up every night until midnight and get up at 6am every day to work/do life admin so I can see him at the weekends. I'm at breaking point. So I need to end it. He is very persuasive and emotional (he cried in the middle of a park when I said I didn't want to have sex with him the night before, he woke me up once when I slept in the spare room with DS because DS was crying and I couldn't settle him, saying "don't you want me here, shall I just go home") - I need to find some words to say so he'll get the message and not railroad me. What do I say please? And face to face? If so, when? We are spending between Christmas and new year together but I was going to wait til after the New Year.

Help please!!!!

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

You HAVE ended it. The fact that he's not respecting that is immaterial.

Woman, seriously, you need to reach deep and BLOCK HIM. On everything. You are being far too soft and you're doing nobody any favours. I can't believe you've been replying to him!!!!

He is not your problem any more. You're actually being cruel (not that he deserves any consideration) by being so cowardly. Assuming that he does have some genuine feeling for you, the only thing you can do for him now is cut the cord, cleanly and surgically, and stop speaking to him completely.

If you can't do it for you, do it for your son. You are wasting all this time and emotional energy on this man that you could and should be spending on yourself and DS.

[2018SoFarSoGreat]

You need to just do it. Send one more message - wish you the best in the future, or whatever; short & sweet

then block. That's it. No more contact. You are done. He needs to be able to move on, and you need that to happen. Just do it.

[Missarad]

Bless him. Just message and say I know you love me but this relationship for.me isnt going anywhere and I think lets start moving forwards away from each other. You wish him all the best going forwards

[shemakesmewaitonabedofnails]

Thank u. Yes actually seeing it in black and white I'm being cruel.

It's too late now but I'll do it tomorrow. (Need to be up in a few hours!!).

Thank u

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

It's never too late to block someone?! You don't need to tell him you're doing it. You've already told him it's over. There's really nothing left to say.

Seriously, you're worrying me a bit here. Do you really struggle with boundaries and standing up for yourself? Once you've finally blocked this guy and shed that weight, I think it would be really worth making 2020 the year you focus on toughening up.

[Sunflowersok]

How exactly did the conversation go the first time you thought you ended it?

[SomewhereInbetween1]

OP you're going to have to be cruel to be kind here. I think he knows you intend for it to be over but hopes if he carries on messaging per your old routine, you'll fall back into place. Don't respond with "thanks" because that's going to help him clutch at straws that you are acknowledging his kindness and his remaining existence in your life. You need to send a clear and concise message along the lines of "whilst I appreciate this situation is difficult, you need to accept you and I are no longer a couple and so the frequency of your messages and the content is not appropriate. I wish you all the best for the future I really do, but I don't want to drag this out and therefore must ask you to stop contacting me as I will no longer be replying. "

[shemakesmewaitonabedofnails]

Yes, I do need to toughen up and stick up for myself more. Good advice.

It's funny cos at work and generally I'm tough but I'm basically saying my life would be better without you and that's so mean!

I said to him "it's over" so whilst I pussy footed around the reasons I did clearly say that. I will call him (he deserves that) and say that to him.

Thank u all

[jasminepearl]

Don't call him, you've told him...

Block him.

[SomewhereInbetween1]

Don't call him. Just dragging it out.

[nowayhose]

You're being cruel and thoughtless. You are giving him hope when you know there is none.

I know there's red flags everywhere blah blah, and yet you still say he ''deserves'' a bloody phone call ! I honestly don't get it :(

Either you totally cut all ties or you are actually being horrible to him (although he is also being horrible to you by trying to manipulate and guilt you into a relationship YOU DON'T WANT)

Put on your big girl pants and bloody well end it TOTALLY, no phone calls or discussions !

[shemakesmewaitonabedofnails]

I did it!! I hit send and he called immediately. I debated and answered. 30 mins. And it's done. Actually done. I really want to send another message. A sorry. A follow up. Am are you ok. Cos I do care. But that's mean and I'm not going to.
What do I do with his stuff?!?

[CmdrCressidaDuck]

Stick his stuff in the post if it's going to bother you. Get a box, dump it in, tape it up and take it to the post office. Consider it the price of being free.

For god's sake DO NOT use it as an excuse to unblock him or talk to him.

You HAVE blocked him now, right? On email, phone, WhatsApp, everything?

[shemakesmewaitonabedofnails]

Thank you. Ooooh not email. Until now. Done.
Thank u. I need to woman up. 👍

[IM0GEN]

Well done.

Now block. And every time you feel the urge to contact him, do something positive Instead . Post here, do some press ups, have a herbal tea and watch a box set, meditate, read a book, call a friend and don’t talk about your ex. Anything .