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Original poster

Do I snoop?

47 replies

H5w3 · 16/12/2019 17:41

I need some advice, my husband has recently started a new job (6 months ago) because it is approaching Christmas he has been out ALOT at work dos and smoozing clients. Sometimes 3 evenings a week, hes been getting in at 4am and has clearly been very drunk and I suspect they have been taking cocaine too. I have kept quiet and accepted that it's this time of year and will be over soon. Anyway, it was his work xmas do the other night and although I am aware partners are invited he was very shady about it all and basically said he didnt want me to go. He was supposed to get a lift home but ended up not coming home and staying at the hotel hosting the party, he then fell through the door at 12.15pm looking like crap!! I was furious and we had a bit of an argument. Our relationship isnt great at the moment and we havent been having sex (not that I havent tried) hes just not interested. I am becoming increasingly paranoid that hes doing things he shouldnt be behind my back. He takes his phone EVERYWHERE with him, even when he goes for a shower and my gut is telling me something is up... if I ask to look at his phone i know he will give me an excuse about him not wanting me to see an xmas present he has bought etc etc so the question is, do i go snooping when he is asleep this evening or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
rainbowxmastree · 16/12/2019 17:45

I know not everyone will agree but yes I would snoop. If you ask he'll only deny anything til he's blue in the face and cover his tracks and then you'll still feel like there's something up but any evidence will be gone.

Check messages, photos, internet history - also check app usage so you can see if he's spending loads of time on whatsapp or another messaging app.

Sorry you're in this situation. I know how you feel, sadly :-( I hope in this case you're wrong and you're able to work through any issues if that's what you want x

msmith501 · 16/12/2019 17:45

Might be totally innocent or equally he may not want you to talk to work colleagues who will let something slip. He doesn't need sex with you if he's getting it elsewhere. The phone behaviour is suspicious in itself. Hard to judge from here mind you.

yellowallpaper · 16/12/2019 17:46

I suppose the rest of your relationship/marriage set up has to be looked at.

The relationship doesn't sound good anyway, and if you hadn't been married and only been together a matter of months, you know you'd have gone by now.

No children, short marriage fairly young .....I'd call it a day and go.

ChongADong · 16/12/2019 17:46

I'd snoop too, in this situation

Powerplant · 16/12/2019 17:47

Definitely snoop. My ex used to take his phone in the shower and toilet! Note ex!

yellowallpaper · 16/12/2019 17:48

Why snoop anyway? It's not a happy situation, you don't sound happy. Does he have to be seen I g someone else? His behaviour sounds appalling without this.

MashedChristmasPud · 16/12/2019 17:54

With all the red flags I’d snoop and take photos of evidence.

FrivolousPancake · 16/12/2019 17:55

Yep definitely snoop!

Original poster
H5w3 · 16/12/2019 17:56

We had a big argument the following day and agreed to make some changes to our relationship to try and work things out. I do 100% believe we love one another but that doesnt mean men cant be stupid.

I like to think I am rather tech savvy and have just managed to login to his google account connected to his phone. He was on whatsapp on 5 occasions the latest being 4am the evening of his party.

The most worrying thing I have found is regular use of a calculator app... which is not a calculator. It's a photo and video vault with secret internet browsing etc. Now I'd like to think it's all just porn but now I'm really worried.

It looks like I'm going to have to stay up late this evening and wait until he falls asleep... 😥

OP posts:
Mermaidsinthesand · 16/12/2019 17:57

Yes snoop.

rainbowxmastree · 16/12/2019 17:58

Yes the secret calculator app doesn't sound great I'm afraid. How did you find out he was using that - did it show up in app usage?

Original poster
H5w3 · 16/12/2019 17:59

I hate the idea of being sneaky and i want to just ask to look at his phone but he has a history of telling lies and I reckon he will fob me off!

OP posts:
rainbowxmastree · 16/12/2019 17:59

How do you check their whatsapp by logging into google?

Original poster
H5w3 · 16/12/2019 18:00

Yes I can see his app usage on his Google Activity and it was used twice the day after his party but installed in March this year with regular use!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
H5w3 · 16/12/2019 18:01

I cant see the messages, just that he has used the app!

OP posts:
Originalusernameunavailable · 16/12/2019 18:01

I think you’re doing the right thing by snooping.

Cuddling57 · 16/12/2019 18:06

I'd always snoop and have no shame in it!
As above but also if iPhone check the pictures section for recently deleted items and any under 'Hidden' those two are in albums. I read that on another thread yesterday - amazing what you can find out on mumsnet Blush

namina · 16/12/2019 18:08

Definitely snoop

Original poster
H5w3 · 16/12/2019 18:08

It's going to be a long evening, hes out at the pub again! I'll keep you all posted with what I find!

OP posts:
TheSpatchcock · 16/12/2019 18:13

I'd definitely snoop. Forewarned and all that.

onemoresipofthehenny · 16/12/2019 18:21

Hi, I would definitely snoop too. Look in his call log, especially for any reoccuring unsaved numbers, texts, Internet history and pics if you can.
The call log was a giveaway when I was in your situation. I kept seeing certain numbers which weren't saved, so I rang them and surprise surprise there were the other women.

Winterdaysarehere · 16/12/2019 18:24

Bank statements while he is out op.

SmellMySmellbow · 16/12/2019 18:27

Can you get into this calculator app or is is further password protected? Do you know the pin to his phone?

puds11 · 16/12/2019 18:32

Photos and copies of everything. Good luck. Sorry you’re going through this.

Original poster
H5w3 · 16/12/2019 18:37

I have his passwords and even though I dont have the pin for the calculator app I reckon I will be able to get it, although I may need 10-15 mins. I have downloaded it myself so I am familiar with how it works.

In terms of his phone records I have got in to that too... I cant see anything very suspicious but I suspect it would all be whatsapp messages anyway.

I am in 2 minds about whether or not to just ask to see his phone but I dont want to start a confrontation or give him the chance to delete anything if he says no?

OP posts: