So this might be a long waffle but I really need some perspective right now, I’m worried I’m over reacting and my hormone are the current driving force behind me feeling so let down.
DH and I have been married 11 years have two DC aged 6 and our third is due in March.
Friday night my husband had his works Xmas do. They were staying in an apartment in the town it was at about a 2hr drive away from home with all the works lads. I had a horrendous day with our children on Friday, my little boys guinea pig had to be euthanised and they were both off school sick. It was tough going very emotional for them both. I told my husband to go and that I would deal with them however to keep his wits about him, have a drink by all means but not to get so shit faced that he couldn’t handle the next day. I wanted to take them out if they were feeling better as a family to see Santa to try and cheer them up.
So fast forward to the evening time he called me as I was putting the children to bed absolutely pissed. I asked him to try and sober up a little and he said he would. I knew they had at least another four hours drinking ahead of them and some of the lads are a bit wild so text him as I was going to bed to say good night and to make sure he let me know by text when he got back in one piece (a couple have been arrested before on nights out for fighting so this is a big thing for me)
I had woken up during the night a couple of times with my little boy and checked my phone, no message but could see each time he had been online but left it and went back to sleep. We woke at 6:45am and again no message but he was online literally two mins prior. I sent him a message saying ‘are you okay? I was starting to worry that something had happened. He completely ignored me. After an hour of nothing I completely lost my shit. Text him telling him he was a selfish bastard and not to bother coming home. He responded to that immediately saying ‘sorry I should have text you back that was really inconsiderate of me’. So I phone him. Straight to voicemail. No phone call back. Started texting about how much he loved me, how he was so looking forward to our baby coming blah blah blah.
He had been awake all night taking cocaine he admitted that. Where he was who knows, he said that he and four others sat in a bedroom all night talking and he forgot to text me when I text asking if he was okay. I cannot for one second imagine five grown men some of them professionals sitting in a small bedroom on a bed in an apartment snorting cocaine talking for hours....... Why on earth would you be sitting in a bedroom together? It all seems a bit far fetched to me. He’s not a drug taker he’s dabbled a bit on occasion but nothing for years.
I’m so angry at him. Not so much at the cocaine well I am but more the fact he knew I would be worried and to purposely ignore me even though he knew how I would be sitting at home wondering if he was okay.
So other than a brief conversation were he said they sat in a bedroom for 6/7 hours and he had taken some cocaine we haven’t spoken to each other. Well I haven’t spoken to him. He’s trying to be dad and husband of the year. Playing with the kids, just being overly nice asking if he can have a hug etc. He’s been told to fuck off. He hasn’t gone to work this morning so I’m expecting him to try and talk me round. I’m so muddled, I don’t know if my hormones are making me act irrationally or this is a normal reaction. I feel like something else has gone on and he’s lying to me I just can’t shake it.