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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Cheating husband

49 replies

mammashark · 14/12/2019 08:37

Hi all

The photo says it all really.

Not sure what to do really, I want to kick his butt to the curb but with Christmas and a very exciting weekend of Christmas activities with the Little's lm not sure how to approach it. Plus all his family have been invited to our for christmas as he wanted a special one without his mum.
My husbands mum died a few months ago (not an excuse but I don't think he is coping well).

He went away Sunday early evening, stayed in a hotel for a course on Monday.

I'm absolutely distraught and don't know what to do.

Cheating husband
OP posts:
JoanBonJovi · 14/12/2019 08:41

Wow. Is this a FWB page or a sec worker? Have you previously suspected?

DDIJ · 14/12/2019 08:44

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

littlecabbage · 14/12/2019 08:45

For me, it would be over. If possible, I would try to get through Christmas so that the kids' memory of Christmas wasn't forever tainted by their Dad leaving, but I appreciate it may not be easy.

I would try to sort out finances, get copies of important documents etc, before confronting him.

Sorry OP. What a bastard Flowers

TrebleBadger · 14/12/2019 08:45

302 days on KiK

I will put money on the fact that this wasn't his first time either.

Personally, given how close it is and that all arrangements have been made, I would do the whole Christmas thing. Fake it until you make it and then before the turn of the New Year send him packing

Original poster
mammashark · 14/12/2019 08:45

No nothing at all really. We have been together for 12 years, married 4 years.

Im trying to keep it together, not quite sure what to do.

What I do know is that I will be getting myself tested next week!

OP posts:
puds11 · 14/12/2019 08:48

So sorry @mammashark Flowers What a prick!

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 14/12/2019 08:48

I'm so sorry. You will be in shock and the desire to protect everything is overwhelming. I carried on after I found my STBXH on Kik because he minimised everything and I wanted to believe him. But eventually he had to go. Be kind to yourself. You deserve to be happy.

Original poster
mammashark · 14/12/2019 08:52

@TrebleBadger his days on kik are 2902 which works out about 8 years ago... we were together then. X

OP posts:
TrebleBadger · 14/12/2019 08:54

@mammashark oh sorry, shows how much I know...

Either way I'd suspect he's been hooking up with many (or at least trying to)

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/12/2019 08:54

As he is already not at home I would inform him that Christmas for him and in turn his family is now cancelled because you're no longer hosting them. Do a different sort of Christmas now for you and your children; its after all only but two days.

Seek legal advice as soon as you are able to do so rather than in January (there is reason why Solicitors busiest month is January and its because people hang onto relationships that have ended solely for the kids). Start gathering all the financial paperwork and items like kids photos and birth certificates. Put all these in a safe place.

Paddy1234 · 14/12/2019 08:56

If you can fake it then have a go - however I doubt you will ge able not to erupt at him
❤️❤️

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/12/2019 08:58

This is all on him OP, not you. This is no reflection on you as a person but on him, his sense of entitlement and his own inadequacies as a human being.

Jayneisapain · 14/12/2019 08:58

Decide what you want to do before he starts giving you his excuses. If you want him out after Christmas then I would advise that you tell him you are considering what you want to do rather than that he needs to leave when Christmas is over. You'll get him putting a lot more effort in that way which you will need.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 14/12/2019 08:59

Tell him you know and that you're over but that he will not ruin Christmas for your children. He will stay and act like the doting father but he won't touch you or sleep in your bed.

When the kids are back at school he can pack his bags and go.

Snowman123 · 14/12/2019 09:07

So I assume this is a sex worker he has been messaging?

Perhaps the first point is to get an explanation first, although it does seem pretty conclusive to me.

Take some time out to work out where you want to go from there, and get your ducks in a row. I hope you have good friends to support you.

Original poster
mammashark · 14/12/2019 09:39

Thank you all for your responses.

Will take some time to think today and spend the day with my little ones. He is at work, on the verge of just sending him the screenshot but don't want to give him the pleasure of making excuses!

OP posts:
mrssoap · 14/12/2019 09:42

What a pig. So sorry this is happening to you 😔. If you confront him I'm sure he will say he never would have gone through with it and worm his way out of it. Don't let him.

No idea what I would do 😩

DDIJ · 14/12/2019 09:54

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

whonoes · 14/12/2019 09:55

I wouldn’t be able to fake it. It’s only 14th December. There’s lots of time to still sort out an alternative Xmas. Everybody has time to buy food etc and there’s time to see a solicitor. I’d tell him he needs to check himself into a hotel/Airbnb and make him have Xmas on his own somewhere. Make him feel the consequences. He’s stuck his dick in somebody else. Yuck. Why should you have to pretend? You didn’t sign up for this debacle! Teach your kids about strength and honesty and accountability not fakeness and suffering of little women. Be the power in your family. Message his entire family with him copied in, with the photo attached. I’d say “just to let you all know that the Christmas arrangements this year are cancelled. You all need to find somewhere else to go on Xmas day. Please see the attached photo. This is the woman that my husband slept with on Sunday/Monday. If you have any questions please refer them all to him. He’ll be letting you all know his new home address in due course. Merry fucking Christmas” fuck him and his whore and fuck anyone who tells you anything else.

whonoes · 14/12/2019 09:59

Oh and all this backfoot nonsense and finding paperwork...it doesn’t work like that. When I saw a divorce solicitor (and my husband has a very complicated self employed business set up) she told me that they track that all down. It’s not their first rodeo. They’re trained to deal with blokes who want to hide things and if any bloke thinks he can hide anything then he is in for a shock. His income (if he’s employed) is on his payslips that courts will summon copies of and any assets will be tracked down. Don’t let fear keep you down.

Huggybear16 · 14/12/2019 10:03

Don't say anything right now, if you can manage not to. Wait until you've gathered important documents and had proper legal advice. Decide what you want to do and what you want to happen before you say anything to him - if you've already made your mind up, he won't manage to worm his way out of this. What a sack of shit

Wallywobbles · 14/12/2019 10:27

I put this in another thread yesterday. I'd aim to book a couple of lawyers appointments today and then tackle the rest as and when.

My best advice is download Evernote and scannable -link scannable to Evernote which saves a copy of everything you scan. Then get every scrap of paperwork you might need pre solicitor appointment and scan it all so you have copies to hand at all times. (And back ups online)
Salary slips
Mortgage
Pensions
Bank statements
Loans
House valuation
Etc .

Work out everything you need to ask the lawyer. Write 2 lists, one of what you want the outcome to be re house, kids, pension etc and a second one of what you're prepared to accept.

See more than one lawyer, you want the one you most feel will fit with your circumstances.

Keep a notebook of all of this somewhere private. All the shit stuff so you don't loose sight of things on the way

Original poster
mammashark · 14/12/2019 13:22

Thank you all, this is really helpful!

OP posts:
Original poster
mammashark · 14/12/2019 23:23

Thanks all

I confronted him tonight, he admitted everything.

It was a prostitute recommended by the guys at work that they all use when they go on training! Lovely! Nothing happened (apparently) he says he doesn't know what he was thinking
He took money out for it which I just took from his wallet. I'm taking me and my kids on a day out with it ASAP! It's over!

OP posts:
Halloumiwrap · 14/12/2019 23:35

It looks like he only didn’t go through with it because she wasn’t free! And why does he need to be on Kik in the first place?
Stick to your guns OP. You deserve better and your kids deserve better modelling of what a relationship should be like. Good luck.

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