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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help show husband he is an asshole

68 replies

Corilee21 · 13/12/2019 15:11

I am hosting Christmas this year on Monday because my sister has two Little’s and lives about 2 hours away and wants to be home for them on Christmas. My aunt and uncle and my father will also be there. We lost my mother 3 years ago on December 15 so this is an especially hard time of year. She always hosted the most amazing Christmas. My husband works Monday and Tuesday and is actually mad and telling me he is going to very unpleasant because he has to work and he knows the kids will keep him up. ( they will probably be in bed by 930) regardless I think this is absurd!! It’s one night out of his entire life and it is Christmas with my family !! He even called my sister and told her he was going to be unpleasant. Now she is dreading coming because she feels like she will be walking on eggshells when this should be a special night for all of us! Help ??

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 13/12/2019 17:37

Tell your husband to stay elsewhere

IAmBeatrixKiddo · 13/12/2019 18:03

He sounds horrible.

And I'm very sorry about your mum OP. Flowers

LadyFlumpalot · 13/12/2019 18:19

Jeez, he is being a proper knobber. How would he feel if you phoned his parents to tell them you were going to be unpleasant on Xmas day? Only, you wouldn't do that, given that you are not, in fact, a knobber.

category12 · 13/12/2019 18:21

He is not a nice person most of the time . I married him for Better or worse and honestly we have a 2 year old and 10 year old and I am a stay at home mom. So it’s not that easy to just tell him to fuxk off . I try as best as I can to keep the peace.

You might want to think about whether you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

You also should start making some changes/small steps for yourself.

  1. you have a claim on any marital assets and it'd be worth getting some legal advice now on the quiet, so you know your position. You may not wish to do anything with the information now, but the knowledge will give you reassurance.
  1. Retrain / get yourself ready for the workplace, so you can be independent. You may not wish to leave the marriage now, but being there because you want to be is a whole lot different to being there because you have to be.
Countryescape · 13/12/2019 18:33

That’s abusive behaviour OP. You can’t pre-empt issues. If my brother in-law rang me to tell me he was going g to be an arsehole in advance I’d be furious! But It’s so far from normal
I’d think he was joking!!

selmabear · 13/12/2019 18:35

Agree with op. Drive to your sisters and leave scrooge at home. Wanker

category12 · 13/12/2019 18:56

Also, your vows were reciprocal and it is a huge misrepresentation of what they mean to think that "better or worse" means sticking out him treating you like shit - it's supposed to be about the hard times in life as well as the good times, external things not your husband being an abusive asshat. He's supposed to cherish you.

willowmelangell · 13/12/2019 19:17

Oh no. I had a 'I made my bed I must lie in it' mindset for my marriage. I was so determined to 'make it work'. Turns out I was incredibly wrong. When I finally saw that he hadn't kept his side of the marriage vows, that was it for me.
I see you have a 2 year old. So you could start thinking about nursery care, part time work, job at the weekend. Please start a nest egg.
Can you negotiate with Dsis for a change of venue? Leave him a meal for that Monday in the fridge.

Fingers crossed you have a lovely time cooking dinner for your family.

whonoes · 13/12/2019 19:20

What a prick. Sorry you’ve ended up with this arsehole

Louise91417 · 13/12/2019 19:21

Youve got yourself a prize arsehole thereHmm

Interestedwoman · 13/12/2019 19:31

'Leave him a meal for that Monday in the fridge.'

@willowmelangell Why?

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 13/12/2019 19:40

Great, if he's a good dad, that makes it easier to leave - he will be happy to split childcare, you won't need to worry about how the kids will be looked after while they're with him, he will put their needs first during the divorce and will think about how his future life choices (job, house, subsequent partners, etc) will affect them.

Or....when you say "he's a good dad" do you just mean "he has children who he doesn't actively harm"? Because usually when a woman describes a man that selfish and unkind as "a good father" her bar tends to be set pretty low.

EKGEMS · 13/12/2019 20:25

Let's hope you get a dictionary for Christmas because your definition of a "good father" is well removed from the norm!
He's a controlling,selfish,rude and nasty motherfucker

Original poster
Corilee21 · 13/12/2019 20:44

Ok y’all I appreciate everyone who has commented. But please their is no need to belittle myself .

OP posts:
Original poster
Corilee21 · 13/12/2019 20:47

Thank you IamBeatrix ❤️

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 13/12/2019 21:23

You’re worth more than this, OP. Can you start looking at splitting up? I mean, would you prefer to? I can’t imagine being with someone like this or even someone telling me they’d be unpleasant to my family. It’s not normal.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 13/12/2019 21:33

You dont need us to tell you he is an arsehole. He is already calling people up to tell them how unpleasant he is

Pumpkintopf · 13/12/2019 22:07

I agree with everyone who's told you his behaviour is unacceptable op.
Can you move the venue or send him away so he doesn't spoil things?

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