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Original poster

Help show husband he is an asshole

68 replies

Corilee21 · 13/12/2019 15:11

I am hosting Christmas this year on Monday because my sister has two Little’s and lives about 2 hours away and wants to be home for them on Christmas. My aunt and uncle and my father will also be there. We lost my mother 3 years ago on December 15 so this is an especially hard time of year. She always hosted the most amazing Christmas. My husband works Monday and Tuesday and is actually mad and telling me he is going to very unpleasant because he has to work and he knows the kids will keep him up. ( they will probably be in bed by 930) regardless I think this is absurd!! It’s one night out of his entire life and it is Christmas with my family !! He even called my sister and told her he was going to be unpleasant. Now she is dreading coming because she feels like she will be walking on eggshells when this should be a special night for all of us! Help ??

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/12/2019 16:02

Just promise you'll treat his family the way he treats yours.
I can't imagine he'll like it when you phone his mom to pre-warn her.

JorisBonson · 13/12/2019 16:02

Who cares if it's for better or worse. Why would you want to stay married to someone you freely admit is not a nice person?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/12/2019 16:02

I hope you leave him as soon as you can. He’s a nasty, selfish, childish bully. He’s the absolute fucking worst.

RougeVinEtFromage · 13/12/2019 16:06

Your husband is a Christmas cunt.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 13/12/2019 16:08

As Joan and others have said. He knows. He's trying to bully you and guilt you into his own way. Voice of bitter experience. It didnt get better in my case. I wouldn't bother with the hotel for him as there'll be some made up reason he can't ho. I would go see DS as others have suggested. Have a think about options after Christmas.

hellsbellsmelons · 13/12/2019 16:08

I try as best as I can to keep the peace
How's that working out for you OP?
Not working is it?
Unfortunately, you are enabling this awful behaviour.
You either need to make a stand or get out.
Make a plan.
See what separation looks like.
What benefits you would get. Tax credits, housing.
He would also have to pay maintenance.
I'm assuming you don't have full access to money and when you look into it properly you may find that you will be better off financially if you actually leave!?
I know you can't and won't do it now.
But just get all the information together than you can.
Knowledge is power after all.

forumdonkey · 13/12/2019 16:10

My jaw dropped when I read he phoned your sister and said that. It's one day and it's very special for you and your DC's (who are also his DC's I assume). What a selfish, nasty, mean spirited twat.

I'd reassess your marriage and life with this arsehole. It isn't normal to go out of your way to cause deliberate hurt, and with someone you love, it's abusive.

FruitcakeOfHate · 13/12/2019 16:13

He is not a nice person most of the time . I married him for Better or worse

Yeah, well he was supposed to love, honour and cherish you so he's a liar.

FYI: there are no more tax credits for new claims. All of it is now UC and has been in all councils for a year.

FGSJoanWhatsWrongWithYou · 13/12/2019 16:14

When you say keeping the peace I think you mean appeasing the bully

thecalmorchid · 13/12/2019 16:24

I think you should announce that your family will be coming on Christmas Eve and staying until Boxing Day so they don't disturb him.

He's welcome to go to his parents on Christmas Day but the children will be spending Christmas at home.

That would really wind me up. I used to have an exh who did that to my family. He was the grumpiest grump and they stopped coming altogether in the end. I hated the isolation.

Things have changed.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/12/2019 16:25

Time to make a plan and put it in action OP. Do you really want to start a new decade with this dick? It will get worse especially for your 10yo.Crown Sad

HulksPurplePanties · 13/12/2019 16:30

Jesus Christ, it's my turn to work Christmas this year and I'm trying to ensure everyone still enjoys! It's not my families fault I have to work.

gamerchick · 13/12/2019 16:33

He's planning to be a cunt OP. I don't know how you can appease that tbh. Either go to your sisters instead and skip his parents, leaving him alone or tell him he'll be going to his parents alone.

He's not a good dad, what kind of dad wants to ruin his kids Christmas?

PositiveVibez · 13/12/2019 16:45

You are married to a horrible cunt.

You know what your new year's resolution needs to be!!!

CruellaDeVille2019 · 13/12/2019 16:58

Working over Christmas is no excuse to be vile. I'll be up at 4am on Christmas day to work, same as I do the rest of the year 6 days a week. I'm still hell bent on making Christmas fun for the DC and will enjoy my time when I'm not at work.

Some people are scrooges and are glad to have an excuse to be vile. I'd be looking to trade him in for a less miserable version.

Willow2017 · 13/12/2019 17:06

Well op make your new years resolution to get ready to kick his awful selfish arse into touch.
Neither you nor your kids need to live with this nasty piece of work.

He isn't a great dad if he is a shit husband to the mother of his kids.

Book a hotel for him and he can be as shitty as he likes to himself while you enjoy your family Xmas.
You deserve better.
Get free of this waste of space in 2020 you will feel100% better.

Interestedwoman · 13/12/2019 17:11

'He is not a nice person most of the time . I married him for Better or worse '

That doesn't mean you have to put up with any old shit for life- sometimes you have to draw the line.

I understand the circumstances make the practicalities difficult though. But telling your sister he was going to be unpleasant- WTF?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/12/2019 17:17

‘Better or worse’ means you support each other regardless of the stresses you are each going through.

It does not mean you should accept bullying and cruelty.

DowntonCrabby · 13/12/2019 17:18

Seriously though, you deserve much much more than this horrible excuse for a man Sad Flowers

pooopypants · 13/12/2019 17:21

Being a 'good dad' doesn't equal being a 'good husband'. Good job cos he's being a class A prick. My DH doesn't even celebrate Christmas and he's more than pleasant to my parents, cos ya know, he's not a big cunt. Yours is though OP, sorry but his behaviour is childish and ridiculous.

OP's husband: you're a massive arsewipe and you deserve no more than stale bread and shit with sugar on for Christmas lunch. You ungrateful bastard.

EvilPea · 13/12/2019 17:21

If he’d rung me and told me he was going to be an arsehole in front of my kids, I’d tell him quite bluntly he was not welcome anyway and to go fuck himself.

Honestly op, go to your sisters and think hard about next year and if you want this to carry on being your life.

Embracelife · 13/12/2019 17:22

In 2020 get a job and leave him
In 2020 see a therapist and boost your self esteem
In 2020
Consult a lawyer about your financial position
Get informed about value of house pension assets
He is a crap dad who doesn't want to make xmas nice for the dc you or anyone

NameChangeNugget · 13/12/2019 17:23

He’s being an epic tool

ohwheniknow · 13/12/2019 17:26

You need to urgently revise your definition of a "good dad".

DeathStare · 13/12/2019 17:32

Often people are unpleasant to each other by accident - because they are tired, angry, stressed, miscommunicate, etc. but to announce that you are going to be unpleasant deliberately if you don't get your own way, and to use that to try to prevent someone else celebrating Christmas with their family is abuse.

So no, he's not an asshole. He's abusive. Hope that helps

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