Am I being unreasonable ?

[Graduation2020]

Hello this is my first time on here and I am looking for anybody’s opinion. So my husband plays golf every Sunday and I am happy for him to do so. In October I asked him for our anniversary (december) if he would be intrested in going to the ballet but it would be on the Sunday. He agreed and it was planned. Then two weeks before our anniversary he said that he wanted to go away for a lads golfing weekend but it fell on the date of our anniversary ballet date. I said to him if you want to go then go as I would never stop him from doing what he wants. The weekend comes and he goes away and his phone was off the entire time. When he gets home he apologises and said the battery died and then he lost it in a bar but managed to get it back from the bar Monday morning. I feel really hurt by his actions and he didn’t even get me a card. I was really upset when he come home and he says I am being unreasonable to be upset when I agreed he could go. But as much as that hurt me that he went, it was the not being able to contact him that triggered me to be angry. So my question is am I being unreasonable for being upset? Any answers would be gratefully received

I’m so sorry op. You’ve been so good to this man and he just takes you for granted. He sounds horrible.

You mentioned a few times how you’d never stop him doing what he wanted to...well, in my relationship I’d have no problem with that.

If I had plans and my husband asked if he could go away...I’d say ‘hang on...’.

In fact, my husband must know he’d never get away with behaving like that, because he’s never let me down. We had plans to go to the cinema a few weeks ago and DH got a bad headache. I had to persuade him to forget the tickets and go to bed, as he really didn’t want to let me down.

Op, your husband also has form for cheating. He’s really not treated you right has he. You really truly do deserve better than this selfish barsteward.

He has bern incredibly shitty to you, i also reckon he is lying. If it were me though there would definitely not be another anniversary that's for sure.

Well done OP.

What a nasty lying fucker your husband is.

You are totally right to feel the way you do. He lies and cheats. You do not deserve this and should leave his sorry arse.

Good luck

Oh dear. You poor lady. Get rid x

I read somewhere that golf is a game for men who don't like their wives. I'm very sorry to say that this is probably the case with your arsehole of a husband, who certainly doesn't put your happiness on his list of priorities. I would cherchez la femme if I were you.

Why are you putting up with this? You were incredibly generous saying he could go when honestly, he should have honoured his commitment to you. You’d booked tickets. He could at least have left a gift and card or borrowed a friends phone to call you on the day. You obviously mean naff all to him and you deserve better. What’s the point of him?

Just read the bit where you said you called the club. He’s lying and I’d put money he was away with another woman and he’s using golf as an excuse.

I'm so glad you're getting rid of this horrible man. He is horrible through and through.

But keep it quiet op, don't let him know what you're doing and planning. Remember, her doesn't like to be disagreed with - he won't take kindly to you leaving him. Plus he'll make all the empty promises again.. No, keep it to yourself.

And do the Freedom Programme.

Vile man

Search for a Freedom Programme near you

I’m afraid that I’d be suspicious of the dead phone story. On the rare occasions my DH has had a problem with his phone he’s always borrowed a colleagues to keep in touch (not conversation). Not because either of us needs to know what the other is up to but we like each other and want to!

I can’t sleep and just wanted to add my support. He is a liar and a cheat. Build up your friendship circles and stop being so accomodating of his selfishness and thoughtlessness.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to reply, I have decided to divorce and have asked him to leave. And he didn’t even put up fight. So deep down I think this is what he wanted any way, I’m trying to be strong for the children, but I think as painful as this all is in my heart I know it has to be the right choice. I really took on board what someone said about how I would respond if I was witnessing my own children being treated in this way and I don’t want them to think it’s acceptable. I’m feeling quite lost today if I’m honest but am determined to make this Christmas a special one. Again I just want to thank you all kind words and support xx

You're so brave OP.
Your kids will have the best Christmas because you'll be able to focus on them and not worry who that prick is texting while you pull crackers or where he's going when he suddenly has to meet his mate in the pub.

YANBU! He's a twat, sorry OP.

@Graduation2020. You’ve been very strong and done so well: as others have recommended - do the Freedom Programme and/or read “Women Who Love Too Much” so that you can start to massively raise the bar on the treatment you’re willing to accept in a relationship.

Of course, you’ve been depressed and anxious - you’ve been living with a lying cheat who minimises his infidelity, abandons you and his family every Sunday and goes away for a dirty weekend on your anniversary and then blames it all on you.

It’s very difficult right now but you’ve just taken the first step to your new life where you value yourself enough not to tolerate such bullshit and you’re a terrific role model for your DCs who have been shown that behaviour like your STBXH’s is unacceptable.

You might want to point out to your father that this man’s ‘down time’ was clearly being spent with another woman and perhaps your father won’t be so quick to defend what was always very poor behaviour (even w/o the affair, leaving the family for an entire weekend day every week was always unacceptable).

PS - a good start in your new bold life would be to lose the mantra “I would never stop him from doing what he wants to do”. Sometimes a DP should be told ‘no’.

Well done you.. and now for the hard part. Get rl support and keep posting here. The support on here is incredible!

I'm sorry to say this but it sounds as if you are been manipulated and he is not to be trusted. A good man wouldn't even consider changing anniversary plans and the whole phone thing is very suspicious.

OP thank goodness you've seen sense and asked for a divorce. I'm so sorry you're going through this but this man has treated you like a door mat for so long, he didn't even have the balls to leave you. He is utterly pathetic and you and your children deserve better.