Don’t want to share a bed with “D”H any longer

[Idontkowmyname]

After attempting to chat to “D”H tonight I can’t bring myself to share a bed with him. If I sleep on the sofa in the living room I know he’ll come through in the early hours just because he can and he will wake me by turning the lights on. As far as he’s concerned it’s his house he is entitled to use the living space whenever he wants. I could bunk in with one of the DC but not sure how I’d explain it in the morning.

Why is that the case? I'm in a similar position to be honest.

Take the bulb out and sleep on the sofa. Or turn all the downstairs lights off at the fuse box.

That’s abuse, call the police if he won’t leave.

Are you splitting up? I would bunk with DC and find a way to explain. A friend of mine did the same. I don't think she explained anything to her DCs tbh.

Why do you know he would do that, Op? From previous experience? It sounds like you really need space from him.

He sounds vile. Are you safe op?

Sleep with the kids, tell them you fancied a sleep over.
Or Dadd y was snoring so loud you couldn't sleep.
Kids aren't going to question too deeply.

Do all of the above. Reclaim your right to protect your sleep.

Don’t explain or get drawn into arguments. And don’t accept being a second class citizen in your own home.

@HGranger I can’t bear the thought of being physically close to someone who treats me with such contempt

I wish i could take out the light bulbs but we have the dreaded downlights that we’ve not changed yet. I hate them

I’m safe for tonight, he wouldn’t physically hurt me he’s just hurting me in other ways

What were you trying to talk to him about?

He’s a prick. Time to consider your options.

Bunk in with DC. If you really must explain, make something up!

I've done it, when I couldn't even bring myself to look at my husband because he'd treated me with such contempt, I couldn't bear to have him that close to me so I slept on DD's floor.

I eventually told my DH that he couldn't live with us if he couldn't be the husband/father this family deserved. It seems to have been the wake up call he needed 🤞

Good luck OP

I had bunk beds in DD’s room and slept in the bottom bunk for years. She hardly knew and never asked why. I used an eye mask because she had a nightlight. We now have the space for separate rooms which is much better.

Our issue was snoring but my point is kids don’t take much notice of who sleeps where imo

My mom used to frequently sleep in my room as a kid because my dad is a heavy drinker. She used snoring as the excuse. Good luck op. Hope your ok.

💐

@Geppili he’s done it before. That’s when he came out with the it’s his house comment.

It’s infuriating the way he twists things. Things are coming to head as he’s trying to make a decision for us as a family with no discussion. It’s all about him and his needs/wants.
Tried talking to him about it and how he does not show me any respect and all I got was how I was being mean and I hadn’t said anything nice to him. He also stated that he doesn’t use all my faults and list them. Then as usual the discussion defaults to him saying “I’m a terrible person” which backs me into a corner. Quite frankly the dc show more emotional maturity than him.

What age are the dc? Do they already share a room? If not can you put them in together for a while and you take a room?

Things are a bit all over the place due to renovations and one of the rooms being used as a music room(piano occupying most of the room) and for storage. If I dismantle some furniture in one of the rooms I might be able to make things work. The dc can’t share as neither of them get any sleep. I don’t think my sanity could survive!

What do you want going forward?
Knowing that he won’t change?

It feels like half the info on this post is missing. Is there a backstory?

@Weenurse I want what I can’t have which is a husband that shows both me and the dc the respect we deserve. He called one of the dc something imho unforgivable and fortunately they stuck up for themselves but the thing is they shouldn’t need to. I shouldn’t need to be in a position where I’m teaching the dc how to defend themselves from their own father. The worst thing was they denied even saying it! Dc got an “apology” with the if I said it preceding it

@Flyingfish2019
the main thing missing is emotional abuse and jealousy within the relationship. The thing that threw me was not realising that his behaviour had actually entered abuse territory. Just thought he was being a bit of an ass at time’s to be honest

So knowing he won’t change, what plans do you have?
Is there any support we can offer?

Hi,
I just want to follow your thread if that’s okay as my situation is almost identical to yours. Except we haven’t attempted to talk and I’m not ready to share my story on here.

Hope you’re coping okay this weekend. My DH is at work this morning so that atmosphere is okay. The worse thing is that I’m fighting even harder than usual to make things okay for the kids and I’m not managing that well. DS (7) just screamed at me ‘I don’t think you even LIKE Christmas!’, at which I’ve taken myself away for a few minutes in the bath.

Similar situation to yours last night when DS accidentally broke something and got really shouted at. He cried hysterically and needed cuddling, not shouting at. It was horrible. I did the cuddling. But then it’s me he’s angry at (DS).