Op, you must try not to react to his baiting as you can't win against a toxic person.
I know it is hard but responding just feeds the drama which encourages him and you know that he will never compromise or show empathy. It must drain you trying to tell him to treat you well.
I think I was in a similar situation, outside home he appeared Mr Charming, rarely letting the mask slip. Most of his anger was directed at me, often subtle and covert as a master of passive aggressiveness. He later became openly hostile to me.
Like you he handled the practical side of home life well but that was in about control and image management. He set the heating, controlled the TV, organised the bills, took my car to the garage...however he did it when it suited him. I cringe to think that as a very capable woman I had to wait for him to change the heating. I could do it, but has been trained that it would annoy him, so just left it slide.. but overtime he had control of so much and I became a shadow of my former self.
I would recommend you start a journal (hide it) but use it as a way to track the incidents. You will see patterns through a journal. I would recommend counselling but there is a shortage of counsellors who truly understand toxic people.
It was only through the divorce when Ex's behaviour escalates so significantly that a counsellor saw his behaviour as NPD. It then all made sense. Had I known about NPD I would have left differently, planned it quietly, started to tell family, got a solicitor who knew NPD lined up and only then told him it was over.