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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Don’t want to share a bed with “D”H any longer

50 replies

Idontkowmyname · 11/12/2019 22:10

After attempting to chat to “D”H tonight I can’t bring myself to share a bed with him. If I sleep on the sofa in the living room I know he’ll come through in the early hours just because he can and he will wake me by turning the lights on. As far as he’s concerned it’s his house he is entitled to use the living space whenever he wants. I could bunk in with one of the DC but not sure how I’d explain it in the morning.

OP posts:
Equanimitas · 15/12/2019 09:41

Then as usual the discussion defaults to him saying “I’m a terrible person” which backs me into a corner

Don't be backed into a corner by that. Respond with: "Don't retreat into that, if you have any self-respect you will acknowledge your behaviour and take steps to change it ."

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/12/2019 09:58

"I want what I can’t have which is a husband that shows both me and the dc the respect we deserve. He called one of the dc something imho unforgivable and fortunately they stuck up for themselves but the thing is they shouldn’t need to. I shouldn’t need to be in a position where I’m teaching the dc how to defend themselves from their own father".

Why remain with this man at all?.

Re your last sentence they are already doing this. What as you as their mother doing whilst all that is going on?. How are you protecting them, infact you cannot fully protect them whilst he and you are living under the same roof. What do you want to teach them about relationships and what are they learning here re same?.

What is and has stopped you from leaving this man altogether?. Is it fear of him, fear of the unknown, the kids; what is it? What are you still getting out of this relationship?.

Idontkowmyname · 15/12/2019 19:22

@AttilaTheMeerkat fear of him and how he’d respond after I started the ball rolling, him using my health against me, fear of the unknown, ripping the dc’s life apart over what to most will appear very minor. As far as others including my own family are concerned is he can do so wrong and our marriage failing will be my “fault”
I’m not getting anything out of things other than a roof over my head. There’s no closeness or compassion from him. He sent a message the following day saying it would be nice to have me come back to bed and miss you yet none of his behaviour demonstrates that he gives a damn

OP posts:
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 15/12/2019 22:08

It doesn't matter what others think. You know the truth and any actions you choose to take can be based on this and not on what others may perceive. I wonder if DH has put doubts in your mind that others wont believe you (and that their views on this matter - which they don't).

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 15/12/2019 22:10

Perhaps your health will improve if you don't have DH affecting it. My mental health improved no end after I got rid of ExH

Idontkowmyname · 15/12/2019 23:29

@MyMushroomsInATimeSlip I’ve convinced myself that things are not really bad. He was right in my face mocking me today which was apparently a direct response to my behaviour. Told him two wrongs don’t make a right and that I was most definitely not in his face.
I wonder about my health to be honest as although he provides no emotional support/compassion the practical side of things are very well managed by him. I suppose you could say I’m completely lacking in self worth but this was a factor even before meeting “D”H.

OP posts:
KellyHall · 15/12/2019 23:43

You do need to find some self worth, and as you rightly said, you need to break this cycle for your children too.
It's not fair that they should have to take abuse from anyone, not least their own parent. They've seen you endure it and it's become normal to them. If you don't change something, it will taint every relationship you and they have for years to come.

CallmeAngelina · 15/12/2019 23:43

Does he still expect sex? I presume you don't want it? What happens there?

Idontkowmyname · 15/12/2019 23:55

@CallmeAngelina settled into a pretty sporadic sex life for a while to be honest. But there’s just so little contact/affection in our relationship as a whole for some time. He blocked a doorway and demanded a hug the other day and called me mean for not doing so but this was after some of his crap. I’m not allowed to stay annoyed at him.

OP posts:
Idontkowmyname · 16/12/2019 08:50

Feeling teary yet again at the way he speaks to me. He knows I was running a fever last night yet still makes nasty comments that he claims are factual this morning. Then I get a text response from him after he’d left the house having a “go” at me about how I’ve not asked if he’s ok and that he’s not ok. I may have responded by saying that perhaps if he hadn’t been so facetious I might have been able to take the time to see how he was and that the lack of apology for the way he spoke to me this morning spoke volumes. I know I should “grey rock” but it’s very difficult when I’m not even up yet and the digs have started
It’s going to be a loooong Xmas break.

OP posts:
KellyHall · 16/12/2019 09:03

Get out or get him out. Don't wait. Nothing will change if you don't change it, he's obviously happy being a complete cunt and treating you lower than dog shit on his shoe and every moment you stay with him you're saying that it's ok. Actions speak louder than words. Find your self respect, and the door.

Idontkowmyname · 16/12/2019 09:08

@KellyHall even if I decided that I was leaving i couldn’t do so at present. I don’t have a cent to my name and no access to any funds so I couldn’t go anywhere. At present, there is so little equity in our place that early exit fees would eat that up leaving me without even enough for a rental deposit.

OP posts:
KellyHall · 16/12/2019 09:11

I'm so sorry for you Op. No doubt feeling trapped is only exacerbating the problems in your relationship.
Do you think it's salvageable, if you must stay? Counselling or anything?
Have you properly sat down and talked openly and honestly about the future of your relationship?

rumred · 16/12/2019 09:13

Can you look into getting counselling at least to help you deal with it? Mind or a health charity linked to your illness might be able to help

Aisforharlot · 16/12/2019 09:16

I went to ikea, bough a mattress and slept on dc’s floor for months. My mental health improved.

Techway · 16/12/2019 09:21

Op, you must try not to react to his baiting as you can't win against a toxic person.

I know it is hard but responding just feeds the drama which encourages him and you know that he will never compromise or show empathy. It must drain you trying to tell him to treat you well.

I think I was in a similar situation, outside home he appeared Mr Charming, rarely letting the mask slip. Most of his anger was directed at me, often subtle and covert as a master of passive aggressiveness. He later became openly hostile to me.
Like you he handled the practical side of home life well but that was in about control and image management. He set the heating, controlled the TV, organised the bills, took my car to the garage...however he did it when it suited him. I cringe to think that as a very capable woman I had to wait for him to change the heating. I could do it, but has been trained that it would annoy him, so just left it slide.. but overtime he had control of so much and I became a shadow of my former self.

I would recommend you start a journal (hide it) but use it as a way to track the incidents. You will see patterns through a journal. I would recommend counselling but there is a shortage of counsellors who truly understand toxic people.

It was only through the divorce when Ex's behaviour escalates so significantly that a counsellor saw his behaviour as NPD. It then all made sense. Had I known about NPD I would have left differently, planned it quietly, started to tell family, got a solicitor who knew NPD lined up and only then told him it was over.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 16/12/2019 09:27

He is toying (abusing) with you, like a well fed cat with a mouse.

What do you plan to do op?

Idontkowmyname · 16/12/2019 10:25

@Techway you’ve really hit the nail on the head regarding counselling and toxic people. I gave up counselling as all they could see was how wonderful he was even talking about what a great emotional support dh was for me.
Oh and I can really relate to the passive aggressive comments as well it’s his speciality. In fact a former workplace even called him up on it.
@Aisforharlot that’s an excellent idea about getting a mattress from somewhere. I think I’ll grab one as soon as I can scrape some cash together.
@OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole I’ll sort out a mattress as soon as I can as per a pp’s suggestion. Will just tell the dc that daddy snores too loudly and that I need my sleep.
I’m really going to hate being stuck with him 24/7 over the festive period. He’s got a chunk of leave to use. There is also the obligatory time staying with the in laws as well just to add to the fun. By not going I’d miss out on time with the dc and I’m not prepared to do that. No doubt due to this whole mess there will be many Christmases to come where the dc and I will not be together.

OP posts:
MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 16/12/2019 16:50

Christmas can exacerbate relationship problems especially if you can't get away from each other. Can you plan some time doing activities apart over the christmas period eg. Meeting a friend alone or taking the DC out somewhere

Idontkowmyname · 16/12/2019 17:03

@MyMushroomsInATimeSlip I think I will try and do something but most people will be caught up doing stuff with their own family. Might try and pencil stuff in once school goes back as it’s easier to navigate childcare etc. Also won’t need to deal with his worsening attitude at me doing stuff without him when he’s on leave even although he claims that he supports it.
I will get out though even if it’s only grabbing a decent coffee somewhere.

OP posts:
ScreamingLadySutch · 16/12/2019 17:39

“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

yellowallpaper · 16/12/2019 18:11

ExH would do that type of thing. If I slept in the spare room he would turn all the hall lights on and leave the tV blaring out the the door open. So the noise and light would wake me up. He was as abusive as they come

MrsCherry · 16/12/2019 18:24

Reading your post had really triggered how I felt with my ex partner. I ‘couldn’t’ leave for years. My mental and physical health were awful. I was at rock bottom but couldn’t see a way out. Finally I did get out of it but I can see that it has really affected my DD and regret not having the ability, bravery, insight or whatever to do it sooner. It is abuse. You don’t have to live like this. It will be ok. It will be better.

Idontkowmyname · 17/12/2019 07:58

@MrsCherry sorry my post was triggering for you. Thanks for your kind post

Well things came to a “head” last night when he stopped me from leaving the house to go and get some shopping.(apparently due to money being tight)
Spoke for hours about his behaviour and also how I wasn’t going to tolerate his jealousy. Spoke about his “feelings” and I told him he was responsible for his behaviour. Will see how long it takes to go back to his “old” ways

OP posts:
KellyHall · 17/12/2019 22:25

I'm glad you were able to talk with each other op, communication is so important.
I hope the openness continues and that you can be happy Flowers

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