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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex found out about new partner

75 replies

Mrshappy2019 · 11/12/2019 20:59

I separated from my husband in September due to a number of issues however it was kind of mutual and no 3rd party involved. He moved out and was being a bit of a dick in general but we were sorting finances and things out. Anyway I became friendly with a guy to talk with and see and we started seeing each other but not telling anyone and just taking it slow. My husband was supposed to be working away this week so whilst the kids were at school my new friend visited me. I didn’t know that my ex’s work was cancelled and he turned up at home yesterday to get some things and you can guess the rest. He’s been a dick ever since and thinks it’s been going on for a long time. Not really after advice as I’m sure it’ll get sorted just venting girls

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 12/12/2019 16:22

@WooMaWang basically yes but in defence of him he has free access to the house, it’s never been an issue. If I’d known he was around I’d not have arranged this

OP posts:

WooMaWang · 12/12/2019 17:08

Even with free access to the house, it's not ok for him to hear bedroom noises and decide to intervene. That was the point at which he should have it's quietly let himself out again and texted you to ask when it would be convenient to come round to pick up X.

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 12/12/2019 18:38

I’m getting the silent treatment now 😞

OP posts:

IdiotInDisguise · 12/12/2019 18:41

Well... trying to see the positive... at least he is keeping his mouth shut.

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 12/12/2019 18:44

@idiotindisguise 😂

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 12/12/2019 18:53

When did this happen ?

He wasn’t in the right but give him space to calm down.

custardbear · 12/12/2019 18:55

So he's moved out now. Do you have free access to his new home? Doubtful - tell him he needs to call and ring the door from now on if he can't respect your privacy

I think you've
Moved on quickly too, he probably thinks it's been going on a while but who cares just say enough is enough and he needs to arrange entry to the home now as you've started a new relationship so things have changed - good luck

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 12/12/2019 18:56

@starlight456 it was tuesday and I’m the one in the wrong I know that 🙈

OP posts:

TheReef · 12/12/2019 19:05

Just own it OP. I can see it from your ex perspective and I guess it's still half
His house, however he shouldn't just be waking around your home... you could have been knocking one out () for all he knew. Ok it's not great you had the new bf round, but shift happens. As I said above, just own it, it's nothing to do with your ex

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 12/12/2019 19:09

@TheReef yeah it’s all I can do 🙈

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 14/12/2019 09:48

He’s still convinced I’m a cheat 😞

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 14/12/2019 16:23

There is not a lot you can do about it . Mostly tell him he can believe you or not and move on .

You are separated now so in the scheme of things it doesn’t matter

Dullardmullard · 14/12/2019 17:08

You are not in the wrong here regardless if you began this relationship 1 day after the split or 1 year.

He’s in the wrong as he entered your room after letting himself in because normally he wouldn’t of went up stairs by your own admission

Tell him from now on to phone first
Also tell him to Grow up and only discuss the kids from now on

It might of been ok in the past but things have changed and don’t be so hard on yourself either

Hopingtobeamum · 15/12/2019 22:17

Is he still paying for the house? What's your agreement re this?

JustASmallTownCurl · 15/12/2019 22:44

This isn't me having a go but maybe something to think about - calling this guy your new partner doesn't sound like moving slowly or something that's just a bit of fun.

I can see both sides really to be honest.

My ex shagging someone else in what was until recently my bed soon after our marriage ending would be very hurtful to me (rightly or wrongly) and most people I think. I'd find it hard to act as normal for a little while after because I'd be upset.

However I know that you have every right to move on and he really shouldn't have come into the room knowing what was going on and then be aggressive.

It's a shit situation for everyone involved really and I think some space and a cooling off period is best.

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 17/12/2019 17:31

@JustASmallTownCurl yeah he’s not a new partner. I know what this is and it’s just a release for me and some fun. Or it was

OP posts:

JustASmallTownCurl · 17/12/2019 18:13

How have things been since OP? Have they calmed down a bit?

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 17/12/2019 18:42

@JustASmallTownCurl a little thank you. We’re communicating via his sister when it’s needed

OP posts:

JustASmallTownCurl · 17/12/2019 18:57

Glad you're ok. That sounds like a good idea for now and it takes the heat out of the situation a bit. Like I said before I think this is one of those situations where it makes sense that everyone involved is upset it just needs to be dealt with calmly like adults. Hope it improves

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 17/12/2019 19:23

@JustASmallTownCurl thank you. I’ve no time for 2 moody men just before Christmas I’ve too much to do lol

OP posts:

WaterOffADucksCrack · 17/12/2019 19:32

I'd think you'd been cheating if I were him. Can he put adultery as grounds for divorce now?
If he owns the house surely he can legally still come and go as he pleases. There was a thread from a woman who had moved out but still owned half and posters were advising her to move back in as she had a legal right to.

I'd hate to see what moving fast is to you if having them in your family home to shag them is moving slow! What if he'd brought the kids in?!

BrendasUmbrella · 17/12/2019 19:43

I'd hate to see what moving fast is to you if having them in your family home to shag them is moving slow! What if he'd brought the kids in?!

He came upstairs because he heard shagging noises. If he'd brought the kids upstairs to have a look too I'd think him some sort of pervert.

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 17/12/2019 19:54

@brendasumbrella 👏🏻

OP posts:

Original poster

Mrshappy2019 · 17/12/2019 19:55

That last emoji is supposed to be clapping 🙈

OP posts:

WaterOffADucksCrack · 17/12/2019 20:36

BrendasUmbrella I meant in the house The children could have easily gone upstairs

I lived with a housemate who heard noises and came up to my room. She wasn't being a pervert, she was unsure what the noises were. Thank god she did as it enabled her to call the police and help get the attacker off me.

Mrshappy2019 you almost seem proud of yourself.

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