Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone else have this prob with their Dp ??

33 replies

Handsoff · 28/09/2004 12:59

Firstly I am not a troll, am a regular poster, just don't want dp to read this.

Basically i am so sick and tired of dp treating me like some sort of tart.

I cannot bend over without him picnhing my arese or grabbing my other bits .
He does it all the time, even in front of the kids. He will also cntinually make sexual comments to me, which i try and ignore, but he still does it.
He just cannot control himsefl and he has even made unsuitable comments to a friend of mine. She found it funny but i was horrifed and made him apologise to her.

The other prob is that he keeps waking me up in the night pestering me for sex. It's getting to the point that he wakes me up at least 4/5 times a night and i tell him no and then he sulks and i have to try and get back to sleep. I am knackerd.

I have told him that i do not like what he is doing but he thinks it's me that has the problem. He says i am not affectionate, and he is right i'm not because i know that if i show him the slightest bit of affection, he'll be all over me like a rash.

It's now getting to the point that i don't want him to touch me at all as he makes me feel cheap, and used.

He just seems to want me for sex and thats it.

Any advice please.

OP posts:
lou33 · 28/09/2004 13:03

It sounds awful Handsoff. It is one thing to feel that your h/p finds you sexy and attractive, but another just to feel like you are being used for sex. I don't really know what to suggest, apart from reiterating that you don't like this sort of behaviour, esp in front of the children and your friends. Maybe try explaining that if he tried a more loving and gentle approach that you would be receptive, but the way things stand at the moment you don't want him anywhere near. Definitely isn't your problem though, it sounds like he is the one with issues that need addressing.

Good luck

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:09

Thanks Lou

We have discussed it lots of times, and i have xplained to him that the fact that he doesn't seem to know the difference between affection and sex is not on anymore.

If i went to kiss him, he would kiss me back and then go staright for my bum or try and stick his hand down the front of my trousers.
I just find it such a turn off.

He is into porn too, which i don't usually have a prob with, but it is all he uses the computer for, and he even had them all listed in his favourites . I made him delete them incase one of the kids clicked on them.
He has loads of vids and dvds and will quite often watch a bit of one when i go in the bath.

He has said that as far as he is concerned he isn't doing anything wrong, and that i should be flattered.
He also keeps accusing me of sleeping with other people as he reckons that if i'm not doing it with him then i must be doing it with someone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:18

Anyone else ??

Honestly am not a troll. I know it is quite a tyoical troll posting, rambling on about sex and porn, but honestly not.

Just very worried and upset.

OP posts:
lou33 · 28/09/2004 13:21

I would suggest to him about how he would feel if he saw someone behaving like that to his mother/sister/daughter?

JoolsToo · 28/09/2004 13:22

I suggest you try and locate some bromide - pronto!

MTS · 28/09/2004 13:23

would your dp be willing to go to relate/a sex therapist with you to talk all this thru. has your relationship always been like this, or has your sex drive decreased recently?

yurtgirl · 28/09/2004 13:25

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:25

Funny you should say that Lou as i said that exact thing last night when he made some disgusting comment about some popstar or other.

He said that i take him too seriously.
I can't win.

Joolstoo, if i could i would, seriously, thats how sick i am of it all.

He's lucky i haven't chopped it off yet.

TBH I'm a bit worried that one day he will get pissed off with me and go too far iykwim .

Do all blokes have this high a sex drive ??

OP posts:
Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:28

Oooh cross posted a bit.

Our sex life has taken a nose dive for about the past 2 years. I do try i really do, but i just don't want to. Used to just shut my eyes and think of something nice but can't do that anymore.

He has always been like this yes, but tbh he kept it quite well hidden when we first met, as i thought he was charming. Looking back i think people have been right. I am just a trophy to him and he just wants to use me to have sex with and show off.

OP posts:
yurtgirl · 28/09/2004 13:30

Message withdrawn

yurtgirl · 28/09/2004 13:32

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:32

Nope, haven't for years now.

I think he knows too. He asked me the other day if we were alright (meaning our relationship). God knows why but i said yes.

OP posts:
MTS · 28/09/2004 13:33

it sounds like you are quite scared of him, handsoff. do you find him controlling/critical/violent in other ways

lou33 · 28/09/2004 13:34

Saying you take it all too seriously is a huge cop out imo. He isn't taking YOU seriously, this is the issue.

Have you tried doing the same to him, pester him non stop, grit your teeth and see how he reascts. I bet if you pestered him as much as he peesters you he would get fed up with it too. Once you have had sex ask him for more again immediately, don't give him a chance to relax. Don't let him come out with excuses, demand it. Maybe that would make him feel like a performing animal and be more considerate to you.

I'm struggling to know what to say, especially if he doesn't take you seriously. I hardly think he would go to see a counsellor with his attitude. It isn't normal btw. It is normal to have a high sex drive, but not to treat the other person like a vessel.

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:34

He trys to be controlling, but tbh i have grown more independant over the last few years and he knows i'm no pushover.
I used to be much too dependant on him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:36

Don't think i could Lou. I have trouble not recoiling when he hugs me at the mo.

OP posts:
MTS · 28/09/2004 13:36

why are you still with him, handsoff. is he good with the kids? it just sounds like you are so unhappy.

lou33 · 28/09/2004 13:38

If you don't love him , feel more independent than you did, and you seem so unhappy with him, have you considered leaving him?

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:39

No he is crap with the kids actually MTS.

He swears at them and moans all the time.

He is so miserable and when i ask him why he says well is it any wonder.

OP posts:
Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:40

Yes Lou, all day every day, but don't think i could cope alone.

OP posts:
lou33 · 28/09/2004 13:41

I can't see what is keeping you together then? He sounds awful Surely your life would be happier without him?

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:42

Yes it would Lou you are right. Me and the kids would be better off without him, but i don't think i could cope alone, to many money worries e.t.c.

OP posts:
lou33 · 28/09/2004 13:42

I bet you could, really I do. I bet it would make you feel liberated and empowered. Of course it would be a struggle, but it would be on your terms. You deserve to be happy, and the kids do too. I doubt they like being shouted and sworn at by him.

Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 13:59

It's funny but sometimes if he works late then me and the kids have our dinner with no shouting and moaning and then i give them a bath and don't have to worry about them soaking the bathroom. Basically we have a laugh and have a life when he isn't there.

I have tried to split with him before but he made me feel so guilty i couldn't do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Handsoff · 28/09/2004 14:13

It's funny but sometimes if he works late then me and the kids have our dinner with no shouting and moaning and then i give them a bath and don't have to worry about them soaking the bathroom. Basically we have a laugh and have a life when he isn't there.

I have tried to split with him before but he made me feel so guilty i couldn't do it.

OP posts: