Am I the only one?

[relentlesslyred]

Feel like I am the only one without any family... I have siblings but they are nc with me. It's not bothered me for ten years because a lot of stuff went on but I feel like letting go of that negativity now and forgiving and forgetting. I offered an olive branch to both siblings and there was literally no response. I know they received my message. I just feel such sadness for what could have been. I feel like every person has some sort of family behind them. I can't afford to sink into a depression but I'm just paralysed by this because I would have loved for all our families to have integrated and we all got on as youngsters. Help me to get some perspective!!!

On here cos I can totally relate and sometimes it does feel like you are the only one! I have no family as I am nc with them haven’t spoken in years. They just aren’t very nice people. I have no wish to have contact with them but I do feel sad for my children having no aunties/uncles grandparents.

Yes i think that's where the sadness for me is coming from- the fact the kids haven't got aunts, uncles, cousins!

@relentlesslyred, you are not alone.

I have a sibling, who makes no attempt to contact me, so I stopped bothering.

Yep it’s rubbish really, my older one has started noticing the lack of family. But my family are really nasty people so won’t be getting back in contact with them.

Nope, I have one sibling that I have no relationship with and mostly feel like an only child. I've always had useless parents and don't have much to do with them either.

@relentlesslyred please don’t feel on your own with this. My family aren’t close at all. They aren’t very nice people and we have no contact. I have a partner who has 8 siblings and they are all very close. It hurts me a lot to see how close they are knowing I don’t have that. They are welcoming but they aren’t really my family without sounding horrible. It makes me feel pathetic. He spends lots of time with them and I’m sat at home wishing I had a mum to go out with or a sibling to have a drink with. But embrace your kids. The way I look at it is I will be the head of my own family one day. When they have partners and children of their own that will be my big, close family! But for now it’s a bit lonely.

I just have this image in my head of what it could have been and I keep thinking in my head that they are nice people but I guess I need to accept that actions speak louder than words. They actually don't give a fuck

@relentlesslyred my family are the same. I was bought up by my nana who told me regularly she didn’t want me. My uncles were horrible growing up. My sister is selfish. Sometimes you have to just cut your losses to feel healthier. Your family is you and your children. Have fun with them. Ensure you stay close. You’ll never be on your own then. And they may feel slightly sad at the lack of a bigger family but they have you.

I guess all this has been triggered by seeing my partner with his family and even tho they tell me they are my family it's not the same. I feel so guilty because I'm projecting my sadness onto my parenting and I can't even be grateful for what I do have

Well atleast you got a partner with family that’s one thing to be grateful for I guess.
My ex is absent and has no family either so my kids have none on that side either.

I know it’s not the same as your own family though but atleast it’s something, just trying to see a positive.

I'm about 80% out of my family and I'm stuck between feeing resentment at their actions and needing to apologise for my own so I just don't do anything because it's the easier option.

My mum and siblings have just been away, no invite for me where as before I would have been more than welcomed, it's so hard to try and fix things.

True and I am so grateful really . I need to let go of this toxic energy. We can't choose our family can we ? Thanks for ur messages guys , they are helping me .

@relentlesslyred you sound exactly like me. My partners family are lovely and welcoming to me but they aren’t my family. I want a mum dad and siblings. It’s not the same is it at all. It hurts. Keep your kids close

@Kayleigh12 thank you 🙏🏽

Madamebutterfingers - I have a sibling who never bothers to contact me, or ask.after his only nephew, or my husband, or my stepchildren. I gave up bothering with him as I was getting upset.

Should I try again to contact them? I'm scared if (when) they reject me/ don't respond It will really upset me

@relentlesslyred you are definitely not on your own. Last year my sister cancelled at very last minute on coming to my daughters 18th. To be honest we weren't surprised as she always cancels. But that day I made the decision to not be the one to call her (it is always me who calls or visits). I was facing some huge medical tests that week.
It's now 14 months since then and whilst I sent her a birthday card and Christmas card I have not heard a peep from her since. Nothing.
We joke that she's gone NC in case I ask her for a kidney (mine are failing) but it's hard.
Sending hugs xxx

Why are you and your siblings no contact? You don't have to put the details here but thinking about the reason may give you some clarity. Contacting them a second time may lead to another rejection.

Sorry you're feeling down OP but honestly having no family can sometimes be better than having the wrong family.

Be thankful for the good people you have in life. You choose these friends and your DP. You can't choose your family.

Only thins weekend I've completely cut my older sister out of my life. She causes nothing but drama and is a nasty drunk so I want nothing more to do with her.

No I don’t think you should contact them again and we don’t know the reasons why you have fallen out so they are entitled to not want a relationship. Have they ever tried to contact you or has it just been you trying to contact them?

What happened for them to go nc with you?

It all started from when I got married . I invited someone they didn't 'approve' of and they didn't attend the wedding.

They really are useless, I just wish I had a proper family unit. I think as well I need to bloody get off social media it doesn't help!!

They did try to contact me on and off thru the years but I rejected them because I knew it would be a case of everything fine and dandy and then not hear from them for the next 5years. From no where I feel an overwhelming need to build bridges but when I look at the pattern over the last 10years I don't think I should bother either.

relentlesslyred Mon 09-Dec-19 15:16:05
It all started from when I got married . I invited someone they didn't 'approve' of and they didn't attend the wedding.
........
That sounds unbelievably petty, particularly to carry it on for so long, unless the person you invited was an axe murderer or similar :-), which I doubt.

However you said you have since rejected them so I suppose it cuts both ways.

Do you have any children yet? If so then you do have family. Also your husband's family is your family (especially if you get on with them).

It's sad but you are not the only one. I don't have anyone apart from my son and some cousins - cousins don't live all that near so I don't see them often but when I do, it's good. My son won't have anyone either when I'm gone (his dad has died), but he'll have his own family.

I realise my circumstances are not the same because you do have close relatives and just don't see them because of pettiness. However you have to move on and live your life. This time of year brings out that sort of sadness.

You could send them Christmas cards telling them you miss them, would love to see them sometime and then leave it up to them but please don't pin any hopes on that.

I do hope you have some good friends.