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Relationships

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Original poster

Inequality with house/money

73 replies

Gorillagorillagorilla · 09/12/2019 08:13

I've been with my partner for nearly a year and still don't feel equal to him. I moved into his house with his daughter after previously having owned my own house with ex. I pay "rent" which is half of all bills and mortgage and half of all other costs eg food and house stuff, and will continue to do so out of savings when on mat leave (we are TTC). He always refers to it as his house and I feel uncomfortable, especially when we will have a baby and I have no security. I also had hoped we would merge money when having children but he has made it clear he doesn't like joint accounts and didn't value childcare as a contribution from his ex so I would feel as if on my own. I always seem to owe him for things and it's not a nice feeling.

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 09/12/2019 12:14

STOP TTC.
Oh my god why would you even consider having a child with someone who wants you both to look after the baby and keep paying? If he can’t afford to pay for all the costs he needs to save too before you can try for a baby.
Move out. Pay your own rent instead of his mortgage. Dump him. Find someone better.

Cacklingmags · 09/12/2019 12:26

So he wants a nanny and a skivvy who also pays for the privilege of working for him. Move out, get your own place. If you must have a baby with this tight arsed wanker do it from your own home. You will be paying for everything anyway, you may as well have the advantage of independence - he may then have to pay for childcare for his other DC and you will be able to claim maintenance from him for your DC and get a bit of time off when he cares for your DC. Don't stay in this situation - you are heading for a life of slavery.

wherearemymarbles · 09/12/2019 12:56

Why are you TTC.
You’re mad and even madder that its only been a year.

With respect you need to give your head a wonble

wherearemymarbles · 09/12/2019 13:00

Wobble even.
Fair enough its his house. Splitting bills etc fair enough but not when on mat leave.

But a new baby without being married - thats its insanity

Wondersense · 09/12/2019 14:03

For nme, 'partner' means someone ypu've been with for at least 4 years. This man is still a boyfriend and you're still getting to know him. It sounds to me like he has trust and commitment issues. He doesn't want to think that after maybe years of working that he could lose half his house to someone who he's only been with for not that long a time. However, he has to accept that if you are pregnant with his child, that you also have to look after your own interests as well. It's not just you, it's now your baby as well.

Whose decision was it for you to move in? Was he as enthusiastic about it? Was this baby equally wanted by him as well? It's a bit worrying that he doesn't value childcare. I would have thought by now he would know how draining it is and how by not working, you are sacrificing pension contributions. Is there a reason why you're not planning to buy a house together?

willowmelangell · 09/12/2019 14:21

Hang on! You are paying half the costs of two adults and one child. If you have a child you will be expected to pay half the costs of two adults and two children.

If he was the last man on Earth you could still do better than him.

He is profiting from you financially. You are a guest in his house. He keeps you at an emotional arms length.He could kick you out tonight.
If you can buy a roof over your head then do so. Date him. Stay weekends. And please do not get pregnant.

MsPepperPotts · 09/12/2019 14:30

WTH who in their right mind would consider TTC with someone like him

BumbleBeee69 · 09/12/2019 14:49

I agree with every single post on here ...

FizzyGreenWater · 09/12/2019 14:58

and will continue to do so out of savings when on mat leave (we are TTC). WRONG! Why? You'll be on reduced income because of his baby - he should be covering costs at this point.

He always refers to it as his house and I feel uncomfortable, especially when we will have a baby and I have no security. If he won't commit in some financial way here then yes you have no security. He's getting a live-in partner taking on half his costs and lots of the grunt work, plus a free new baby that you'll care for and fund at no extra cost, not even your mat leave will cost him. Sitting pretty! WRONG. Don't ttc.

didn't value childcare as a contribution from his ex definitely don't ttc. He's a knob.

I always seem to owe him for things and it's not a nice feeling. Wow, forget ttc, why are you with him at all? Why are you with someone who makes you feel bad?

Dump him!!!! He's a selfish user.

katy1213 · 09/12/2019 15:00

Well, we can see why his ex left.
Why would you even consider reproducing a skinflint like this?

user1471449295 · 09/12/2019 15:08

Please give yourself a wobble and do not get pregnant by this man.
Do you still have your previous house?

NameChangeNugget · 09/12/2019 15:40

You need to slow down. Moving in and TTC in under a year is crackers.

AngelsSins · 09/12/2019 20:27

If you are sharing his house then you should be contributing to costs. Accommodation isn't free and you would have to pay rent or mortgage to house yourself somewhere else so I don't think it's unreasonable for him to charge you something for it

But if she rented or got a mortgage somewhere she’d have rights. This guy could kick her out and any point he fancied.

AngelsSins · 09/12/2019 20:28

OP, why are you subsidising HIS child?

JasonPollack · 09/12/2019 20:37

Do not be stupid enough to have a baby with this tightarse.

strawberry2017 · 09/12/2019 20:39

Op I think you know this isn't a healthy relationship, I think that's why you haven't posted again. Don't have a baby with this man. Sounds like he's only interested in himself. He doesn't value a mother's work. Don't become his next ex with a child to him. X

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2019 20:43

he has made it clear he doesn't like joint accounts and didn't value childcare as a contribution from his ex

Fuck

That

Noise.

If I knew you I would be round with a packet of condoms and a suitcase for you to pack. Don't have a baby with this arsehole! Or a relationship but mainly a baby.

TheReef · 09/12/2019 20:59

Do yourself a favour and leave this man! If you think it's bad now, imagine what it'll be like if you had kids

Grobagsforever · 09/12/2019 21:07

He's profiting off you and then trapping you while getting you pregnant.

DO NOT GET PREGNANT

notangelinajolie · 09/12/2019 21:09

You do realise you are just the lodger in this relationship? So much negativity coming from both of you and yet you are planning a baby? Madness!

timeisnotaline · 10/12/2019 01:05

She’s not a lodger. Lodgers don’t : pay half the mortgage, have to share a bedroom, be on tap for sex, provide childcare, or do housework for the homeowner. The only similarity is that lodgers and the op can both be thrown out of the house tomorrow if the owner feels like it. The op would be a million times better off as a lodger.

AfterSchoolWorry · 10/12/2019 01:48

didn't value childcare as a contribution from his ex

OP, what are you thinking trying to conceive with this loser?

Debbierocket123 · 10/12/2019 08:16

I used to be with a guy like this. He bought the house (a huge 3 bedroom house for a single guy?!?) and expected me to pay at least half of all the bills on. £16k income. He got angry with me and made me feel like I wasn’t at home. I knew I wouldn’t have children with this guy because of how he treated me (he was also abusive) but in the end I realised I was just there as a business transaction and don’t think he ever really had feelings for me . I’d urge you not to stay with him but you will make your own choice :)

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