How is the best way to tell him I am leaving?

[cantdecide1]

I have posted previously and hopefully now gave a house for after Xmas. I haven't yet told my husband I am leaving I have made it clear I am unhappy. He is a nice person but does nothing to help me ..He spends too much and we don't have a proper relationship in that he does nothing with me or the kids as he would rather be in the pub or asleep. But I don't want to hurt him..I know it's inevitable to an extent but how do I tell him in the kindest way possible?

and asked me to pick him up from the station and bring the youngest to meet him
Wow! That's entitled of him.
There is such a thing as public transport and taxi's.
Why is it YOUR job to collect him???
Please stop allowing him to demand and you just do it.
You need to start pushing back - as of right now!

Do not pick him up or take him anywhere.

Do not have him at your house nor drop the kids at the old house.

Pick up / drop off at a public place, cafe or a park.

You need to set a clear line right from the start.

It is not your responsibility to facilitate his life. You've been there, done that. He is perfectly capable of making his own way from the station.

What he chooses to do now is up to him. You do not have to do anything for him any more.

He is at his mum's because she will cook his dinner and wash his socks and listen to him crying "woe is me / I didn't do anything wrong / I don't know why she has left me".

He will look for any excuse to force you to see him so that he can work on you. He has yet to realise that that particular ship has sailed. You're out of there. He doesn't get to call the shots any more.

My exh had his mother go round to cook and clean, fml it never changed. Now his gf does it for him..silly cow lol.

So I have been in the new house 2 weeks and I love it. He came back Sunday has been nice to me trying with the kids..trying to get me back I keep firmly telling him it's over and to focus on him and the kids but want to get him to do financial stuff whilst it's being reasonable. His being so nice is a bit confusing and annoying..like someone said b4 why couldn't he have done all this b4. Sure it won't last. My mistake popped up this week since everyone has heard I left my DH they are all saying I left him for mr mistake! This is friends of his so anger might happen soon. I hope he will still be nice to the kids then.

'Been nice to me...'.

Only because you've shown him you're in control. You call the shots.

What you've done is amazing, for you and your kids. Spend time enjoying your new home, new life. Don't rush into anything just let it sink in. Keep telling yourself you're worth more than the pathetic low life you left.

I'd advise that any communication from now is solely about the kids and finishing the separation. Don't let him in your new place and if you have to meet make it a public place such as a cafe.

Best of luck, keep strong and we'll done you.

@TobyHouseMan thank you. Yes keeping him out of the house which he hates. He keeps trying to chit chat. He called me at 10.30 last night! I said it was late and I was tired. Driving me crazy waiting for him to turn. Then I can get a routine with the kids.

@cantdecide1 - how are you doing? It's been a few weeks now so I thought I'd check in with you. Spring is just around the corner and I hope you are all thriving in your new home.

Hi @Sicario thank you for your message and sorry it's taken a while to reply. Well I am loving my new home and the kids seem pretty settled. We are getting into a routine of sorts. He still hasn't accepted it ..has begged..got cross said I have another man..said I am a lesbian..that he is depressed and so on. He calls and rings me every single day but doesn't try to come to the house.

I now feel stronger than I have in a really long time and although I occasionally have the odd niggle of doubt I am sure I have done the right thing xx

Good to hear it's working out. That initial phase when you're wondering if you've done the right thing - I had that too, even though it was bloody obvious that I had to get out.

Well done! It takes massive guts to make a stand and say NO MORE. I think you have done brilliantly.

You sound so strong. Well done. I hope you are proud of yourself because you should be