Am I being messed about?

[Disappoint]

Will try and be thorough here.

So started seeing someone who lives local to me. It started as a very casual thing, I kind of went into expecting just a bit of fun and fwb type of situation so it started with us just spending evenings at my house. We developed feelings and he asked to take me on a proper date. He ended up coming down with a bug and we had to cancel, this hasn't been rescheduled. It's been about 2 months now and we haven't been out together.

He's told all his friends about me etc. We've talked exclusivity and he always tells me how much he likes me.

But he seems to have this really annoying habit of cancelling plans. They're often legitimate reasons ie him being ill, a family crisis etc but I'm just starting to find it really irritating that I can never be sure if he will actually turn up.

He has been ill again this week. We spent the day together and then from then on he went a bit quiet on me. I appreciate this is my problem, but I have a lot of anxiety about this because I've been ghosted so many times. So I just said after I'd convinced myself he was giving me the brush off, that was everything ok and I totally understood if something had changed but I'd rather know. He said it was fine, to stop worrying, he's just not very good at being ill and he promises things will go back to normal when he's better.

We then made plans for tonight. We usually do something on sundays because I don't have my DD. I text him at about half 5 letting him know when I'd be home. He didn't reply until about 20 minutes after the time I'd said I would be home and he just said 'im hungover'... I said does that mean you're not coming or is that a prewarning? He didn't reply for about an hour, and then said not coming sorry but are you around tomorrow?

I've honestly had the worst week, I felt crappy, I'd rushed back from my plans because I was expecting him, and to be honest I was just looking forward to seeing him. So I just said perhaps we should just leave this as you seem to keep cancelling and it's making me feel a bit crap, particularly when it's so last minute.

He's not read it/replied and now I'm confused. I don't really want to leave it on a dramatic text so im now considering a follow up saying I'm going to sleep on things but I also just feel like maybe I do need to put my foot down? I have no idea. I do really like him but I don't want to be hurt.

He’s ill. He’s hungover. He’s just not that into you.

No, don't backtrack.

He's treating you very disrespectfully, like he can pick you up and put you down whenever. It's not dramatic to tell him that.

I think he is messing you about yes. Don’t apologise for speaking up. Don’t allow him to take you for granted and not put his money where his mouth is. Too ill to see you but not to ill to go out and get pissed. Lots of people say it on here “if he shows you who he is believe him” and the old adage “actions speak louder than words”.

Time to move on I think. Good luck

I agree with other posters; he's messing you about. Good for you for stand

Don't text him again. If he texts you trying to talk you round then text him again. But only to tell him that you've slept on it and you're even more certain that this set up isn't for you.

Sorry, OP. Been there!

Argh! Posted too soon! Good for you for standing your ground. He's taking you for granted. Don't put up with it! You deserve better

Definitely messing about. Bin him OP. Don’t allow him to make you feel crap about yourself.

I would not put up with that

Know your worth and tell this user to do one

Don’t text him anymore, he’s not as into you as he made out. If a man wants to spend time with you , he’ll find a way.
Drop this loser and find another fwb, he doesn’t deserve anything from you. Unfortunately you’ve fallen for him and will Probably talk yourself into taking whatever few minutes he deigns to give you once in a while when he can be bothered... , before you know it you’ll have wasted years on him.

The heartache is not worth it.
Get rid.

Message him tomorrow morning OP, wishing him well for the future, then block/delete.

Yes, that's him messing you about. The hangover excuse is lame as fuck, as is assuming you'll just be free tomorrow instead. Ditch.

Don't message again. Never double message. Thr ball is in his court.

But I'm sorry it does sound like you're more into him than he is you.

He's just not that into you.

Something definitely isn't right and you know you know it, but it's hard to believe and let go. Do you ever go to his house or is it always at yours?

I agree that he's not really interested. Don't message him again.

Thanks everyone. I didn't text and now I'm sitting on my hands today.

Feeling pretty crappy as he has always been so keen. He wanted us to be 'official' and I said I wasn't ready to start taking things to a next level and I wanted things as they were. I told him that I'd been hurt a lot and been in an abusive relationship so it takes a lot for me to let my guard down and he said he understood that and was determined to prove himself. I finally started to trust him and bam this happens, almost like it's some sort of exciting challenge or game to him. And now pretty much everything he is doing indicates not that into me. What a joke. He's made me feel like a complete idiot.

Just venting, sorry.

Don't say sorry. He's inside your head and knows how to fuck with it. Don't wait for him to be the one who decides when this all ends. Et it be you. Or you'll feel worse.

As in, you have nothing to be sorry for! These fuckers know how to dangle and string you along. And they get a kick from it. He can park his testosterone somewhere else. You deserve someone who makes you feel great.

Yes if l were you l would be proactive and tell him you're not ok with how things are and that you're ending it. Then block. Don't wait around for a reply. This way puts you in the driving seat and you will feel good for not allowing yourself to patiently wait whilst he decides whether to see you again or not.

What a twat OP. What is wrong with men?? There are so many posts on here about men being overly keen then all of a sudden, nothing!
I'm currently seeing someone a bit like this myself and it can drive you insane trying to figure out what's going through their heads.
You can only go with the facts. And the facts are that he cancels all the time then doesn't come because he has a hangover. That is poor effort.
Don't text him again and, in fact, I would block him now to prevent him trying to weasel his way back in.

2 months and you haven't actually been on a 'proper' date?

He's all just words and yes, def messing you about. Block him.

The problem with building those 'go slow' walls because of abuse is that healthy people won't try to batter them down, they will back off and respect your boundaries. Whereas to dickheads like him, it's a challenge to break down the walls. Then when they know they have you, they have 'won' so they back off. You hit the nail on the head - your instincts were completely right that you were simply a game and a challenge to him.

They do the hot and cold thing to keep you off balance and addicted to the hormone rush when they are hot. And they know you will tolerate it, because you already told them you were abused. They know someone has done the work of training you into accepting less than you are worth.

Surprise this chancer by summarily blocking him and never having anything to do with him again.

In future, keep your abuse history for those who have proved they are worthy of your trust. It's self-protection. Adelyn Birch or Natalie Lue are both really good on boundaries - it's boundaries you need, not walls and guards. x

Agree, don't tell any new men about previous abuse.

Block and delete and don't message again. He sounds like an absolute time waster

Men do this to single woman, ones who have homes.
They come over at noon ght, eat you out with f house and home, booze and sex, seem to move in as your official, all while never dating you. Funny it costs you money, never them.
If he won't take you out, your not important enough for him to treasure.
Also he was well enought to go drinking, think about it.

I kind of went into expecting just a bit of fun and fwb type of situation

Well good, because that's exactly what. you've got. Your mistake was to think it has moved onto to something more solid. Clearly, it hasn't. Not for him at least.

He's biding his time until something better comes along. You are not a priority, merely a pleasant way to pass the time when he doesn't fancy going out but doesn't want to sit in by himself. Sorry but that's how it is. Don't make time and change your plans to prioritise someone who clearly doesn't do the same for you.