New partner doesn't climax during sex

[pinktophat]

I have met someone I really like. We get on extremely well and are both enjoying the start of this relationship. During this time there's about 8 occasions when we've slept together. It's all been fine except he never finishes - he hasn't climaxed. We have not talked this over as I don't want to add stress to the situation.
Why would this be? The mechanics all seem to be fine. He's been single a while with a few short-term relationships so could it be anxiety or something else?

im astonished you havent asked him.

i would have asked the first time.

it IS unusual.

Antidepressants was my first thought.

I would've definitely asked him what's going on. I could be wrong but I'd would think that anxiety and depression would would stop him from getting an erection and not ejaculation.

*Porn can be the death of relationships.

Absolutely this.

Possibly porn and now he can't get his kicks from 'nice' sex.

That can be a sign of low testosterone which can be treated.

Does he insist on going on and on? Or do things end at another point? I think we are too orgasm focused in sex sometimes. If you’re enjoying it, and it’s not continuing beyond when you’re uncomfortable, then it’s about finding a different ‘end point’. I’m seeing a guy who doesn’t necessarily come every time - but I’ve found it quite interesting. Sex takes in a really different shape when the ‘end’ isn’t the Male orgasm...

It's not necessarily 'death grip' despite the confident way in which some posters diagnose so quickly over the Internet

my partner was the same when we got together. He had just finished radiotherapy for prostate cancer and had a surgery near his hip on an unrelated matter causing some nerve damage. It took time and for him to relax but it's fine 95% of the time now. Definitley got better when we spoke about it though. Took the pressure off both of us

A lot of us have experienced death grip @jellybean85 so it makes our opinion no less valid than your own. My ex went to the drs to rule out any medical conditions and wasn't on medication. I was accepting of it during our short relationship. But it was an absolute relief to sleep with someone else who didn't have the issue.

Whatever the reason OP I do think you and your partner need to talk it through.

@pinktophat

It's called retarded ejaculation and is a well-known occurrence. Unless down to some medical condition [such as phimosis] it is probably psycological in origin. May just be lack of familiarity with you, your body and responses or hangovers from previous relationships. Try talking about it and explain how much you like being together [and so on].

@Notcoolmum I don't think it's less valid just that none of us can say for sure what is going on except Ops partner! It irritates me the pompous way people pronounce with such certainty something they can only guess at ...

Either way OP there is a general consensus that you should just bring it up, gently, and ideally not in the middle of sex

I had this problem with a partner. He clearly had death grip but at the time I thought it was because of me. Its chipped away at my confidence in bed over time and I've not slept with anyone since him - we split up 4 years ago now. Honestly the thought of being with someone new fills me with dread, would rather be alone and I'm only in my 20s. Please have a chat with him about it, dont let it grow into your confidence

My partner has this. He has only finished in me half the time over a few months. At the start he couldn’t maintain his erection. I thought it was me, but he confesses after a few times and my questioning, that he overthinks things and was nervous. Wants to make sure I am ok. I assured him it was ok.

Now no lose of erection, but he has this random rhythm to ejaculate. Normally he starts the rhythm in me, then finishes himself off, mostly on me. It’s fine.

Coming back to this thread.
He never did come during sex, in a five month relationship.
He's just finished with me and I was rereading this thread to make myself feel better! I had got so used to sex like that I had forgotten it was weird. Now I'm thinking maybe good fortune really as can meet someone without a sexual complication. I accepted the sex the way it was and he never wanted to talk about it though I tried. But now it's over it's maybe for the best in the long term. I wouldn't have finished with him over it but he's done it for me.

I experienced this with a bloke. Thought it might be the porn thing but turned out he was a coke head. Bot saying it's the case here but first time I'd had issues. He could get hard and stay hard but just wouldnt cum. He never mentioned it and didnt seem phased so I knew it was something he was used to.
As I said could be a number of reasons but in any case it isn't normal at his age so you're going to need to mention it.

Glad it's over OP. As you've said, it's easy to get used to weird sex after a while and forget how much better uncomplicated sex without ED, PE and lack of ejaculation is. Better luck next time (I hope to have better luck than I usually have, too :) )

He sounds terrible. Good riddance.

"When I said I wanted you to 'finish' with me, this is not what I had in mind". Sorry OP. I agree it's probably a blessing in the long run. Someone who can't talk to you about a big issue in your shared sex life is a big red flag, what else is he not open about, or happy to leave unaddressed? Onwards and upwards.

Death Grip

The death-grip or death-grip syndrome are slang terms for an aggressive and recurrent masturbation technique that may ultimately result in an inability to achieve orgasm with a partner due to desensitization from overstimulation

Sorry that he ended it OP. Did he give you an explanation? He sounds pretty selfish, not even attempting to resolve the sex issue.

Sounds like the fwb I have been seeing. Watches a shit load of porn. Small nob also. Emotionally unavailable and gaslighting to boot. Oh I can't half pick them

My friends husband had this

When she and her husband first met. He couldn't finish at all. It took about 6 months for it to be ok. He just had trust issues. They've been married 15 years and one of the happiest couples I know

They did take about it though. Could he be dry cumming? Some men do that.

I had one of these.

Turned out he thought (because of porn, duh!) that good sex for a woman was hour and hours and bloody hours of thrusting. So he'd wank first and then just go on and on and on....

He was the most boring and least satisfying man I ever slept with. Some of them get all the sex education from 'Nine Inch Neddie'* and never read a book in their lives.

*Title for illustrative purposes only.