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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you think being on Mumsnet has effected how you handle situations, even when you didn't make a thread about them?

33 replies

Interestedwoman · 07/12/2019 09:55

Since I started reading Mumsnet, I've learned so much intellectually about how to handle interpersonal drama etc. I live quite a quiet life and have kind of looked forward to a chance to put what I've read into practice and be more assertive etc.

Recently I had a kind of argument with my dad. I didn't mean to say anything but ended up telling him how I thought about some recent antics by my step mum. I was quite assertive with saying her shrieking fits and accusations weren't ok. This is out of character for our family, so IDK if it's partly to do with reading the boards, or over a year of therapy lol. Either way, it's taken a bit of adjusting to.

So, has reading Mumsnet effected you?

OP posts:
NC4this123 · 07/12/2019 09:56

Yes it’s made me realise how judgy people are. Now I’m quite conscious of what people may be thinking in certain situations!

yesterdaystotalsteps123 · 07/12/2019 09:59

Definitely. Since finding these boards and initially secretly thinking jeez everything is labelled abuse..... I've since ended my abusive marriage, contacted women's aid, bought Why Does He Do That? And stuck to my guns through the hoovering (v difficult) to yesterday's tirade of email abuse. I think without Mumsnet and friends, he'd be back by now and it would be awful. Thanks all Brew

category12 · 07/12/2019 10:06

Yay, yesterdaystotalsteps123 Cake

I never posted about my marriage because I knew what you would all say. And you'd have been right Xmas Grin. And I knew that, deep down. I kicked him out when I was ready. It helped reading here.

ParkheadParadise · 07/12/2019 10:06

So, has reading Mumsnet effected you?
No

EggysMom · 07/12/2019 10:07

It's made me feel less guilty about not staying close to family.

PicsInRed · 07/12/2019 10:12

The information around the Script was absolutely invaluable to me 1. Knowing that my instinct was probably right and 2. Being ready when he confessed and left.

Knowing how cheaters play out the finances and children spurred me on to get the paid legal assistance which saved me from his pathetic scheming.

Information around dysfunctional families both here and on babycenter (us site) many years ago enabled me to put the pieces together both about my own history and also that of my husband. This knowledge gave me the confidence to out firm, healthy boundaries in place and saved my mental health.

No exaggeration, the information on and support of these boards saves the lives of abused women.

Aminuts23 · 07/12/2019 10:26

It absolutely has helped me. In a few different situations. Mainly recognising abusive behaviour at an early stage and moving away from it to protect myself.

Ghoulestofmums · 07/12/2019 10:27

Yes - not in terms of relationships in the true sense but in the sense of understanding the behaviour of children in public places better and being more tolerant. (DS is adult so no recent personal experience).EG young child kicking off in hotel lounge recently - I ignored and when Mum apologised as they left just said not to worry and we’d been there ourselves!

scoobydoo1971 · 07/12/2019 11:00

I think all the red flag discussions here are quite helpful in the confusing world of interpersonal relationships. Having read about other people and their issues, it helped me to leave a relationship this year that wasn't working due to lack of respect, and aspiring cocklodging tendencies. While I would have ditched him anyway, I did find extra resolve in doing that from reading other people's experiences on here.

Meruem · 07/12/2019 11:21

I’ve always had crap boundaries and accepted a huge amount of shitty behaviour from men. I’m not looking to meet anyone right now but I don’t think I would put up with those things anymore. I think if someone treated me badly a little voice in my head would be saying “what would MN say” Grin I didn’t have good role models growing up so it’s good to read advice from such a wide range of people.

75Renarde · 07/12/2019 15:13

Yes.

Its highlighted the SHOCKING scale of DA and DV in the UK. Also, I hadn't appreciated how many men are interfering with and raping women in their sleep.

Also, how many women have been conditioned to accept abuse as normal.

Lweji · 07/12/2019 15:21

When an older child was screaming in the bus yesterday I found myself thinking they could have SN and was much less annoyed.

It has helped me deal with a friend in a dv relationship, manage to have interesting conversations with a specialist on sex/gender issues, recognise emotional blackmail, and getting in a relationship after divorce, as well as leave it. Grin

Thatagain · 07/12/2019 15:23

YES. It's helped me find my own mind as I am in a emotionally abusive relationship. I try and read the threads that I can associate with. I don't know how to post my own. So yes all mns has been a good support for me.

redexpat · 07/12/2019 15:55

Yes absolutely.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 07/12/2019 16:10

Most definitely, in many and varied situations ....thank you wise people of MN x

Anotherwhatsapper · 07/12/2019 18:56

Yes - I learnt on MN the following wisdom - 'If someone leaves the door ajar on their way out, close it after them.' Reader, I slammed it shut!

RLEOM · 07/12/2019 22:27

It's opened up my eyes to many issues in relationships and I know I've applied strategies that I've read on here. But I always try to remember there are lots of people on here who are going through some sort of dilemma, so I take some answers with a pinch of salt.

Twinklelikethechristmastree · 08/12/2019 18:02

Yes. It has.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 08/12/2019 18:05

Definitely. Reading these boards made me go no contact with my ex husband after 8 years of letting him continue to attempt his abusive behaviour and interference in my life. It's also helped me to help my daughter to stand up to his behaviour.

Anotheruser02 · 08/12/2019 18:05

I set better boundaries now, and I've learned the phrase "That doesn't work for me".

AnyFucker · 08/12/2019 18:07

Yeah, loads

Why wouldn't it ?

GoldenFlaps · 08/12/2019 18:15

Absolutely. It made me realise that my partner's behaviour was abusive so I took steps to avoid it. There were times when I wanted to post about the relationship but knew that if I needed to ask things must have been bad. MN has got me through some very hard times.

It has also educated me in other areas, in how to deal with people generally.

Eesha · 08/12/2019 18:20

Yes completely, I read a lot of stories about abusive partners and recognised similar traits in my ex. Just knowing there were people who had been in the same boat made me feel far less alone. We have been apart 2 years now and although it's still difficult to deal with him at times, I so thank God I don't have to deal with it all on a daily, fearful basis.

TipseyTorvey · 08/12/2019 18:29

Absolutely but for me mostly around the judginess when my DC were small. The lentil weavers were in their ascendancy at the time and for a while I felt horrible then came on here and lots on no nonsense practical sensible advice gave me sanity so a huge thanks to MN for that.

Thethiniceofanewday · 08/12/2019 18:36

Definitely- both in helping me understand boundaries in relationships but also as a PP has said, when someone else is kicking off I sometimes play ‘MN bingo’ instead of reacting - maybe they’re having a bad day, maybe the child has SN, maybe they’re just at the end of their rope - and it has helped me be more empathetic.