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Original poster

He said this after knowing me two weeks...red flag or how it is supposed to be?!

42 replies

user63212 · 06/12/2019 17:01

Met twice, spoken on the phone every night for between an hour to four hours depending on the night and what we have on in the evenings etc.

After seeing him for the third time yesterday, he text me today saying he has never felt like this before, cant wait to see me again, he likes me more every day and he is very excited to see what happens with us.

I cringe at sentiments too soon into something and while my usual reaction would be to feel scared off, i do actually like him and have feeling for him more than i usually would at this point, so it is nice, but i also don't feel i need to hear that sort of thing yet.

red flag or all ok here do you think?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 06/12/2019 17:03

If you're feeling the feels then just see how it goes. There's nothing wrong with being aware.

NabooThatsWho · 06/12/2019 17:03

Personally it would be a red flag for me. Coming on so strong is never a good sign.
What is his relationship history like?

Original poster
user63212 · 06/12/2019 17:05

he's had two more serious relationships but nothing more than 2 years (he's 29). i've had two serious relationships, longest lasting 3 years. not sure i should judge him on length of relationships though?

OP posts:
BreasticlesNotTesticles · 06/12/2019 17:08

Not a red flag? He's just saying he really likes you. My now DH told me he loved me after three weeks. I was horrified and said I might be falling in love with him - he said 'yeah that's probably what I mean actually' and nodded off Grin. Just enjoy it for what it is!

Original poster
user63212 · 06/12/2019 17:10

ok maybe i am worrying too much then!! i find it all a bit much and would prefer a bit more of the distant dating but then as he reminds me we have spoken for literally hours and hours...we know each other quite well already in some ways

OP posts:
Doormat247 · 06/12/2019 17:12

I'd be wary - my ex sounds very much like this.
He ended up being quite pushy and wasn't really willing to wait for my feelings to catch up. By the time they did, the novelty had worn off for him and he was messaging other women behind my back.

My ex was the same with relationships too and you can judge him all you want on the length of them. I realised my ex was quite unused to a typical relationship as he wasn't used to them in the way I was. This led to him calling me pathetic when I expected certain things from him that I would say were standard in a normal relationship.

Original poster
user63212 · 06/12/2019 17:13

Doormat I am not sure I could judge him on whether he meets my general expectations practically etc as obviously i havent seen him much yet.

after dating a few weirdos i am very wary!

OP posts:
Rudolphsjinglebells · 06/12/2019 17:15

Same as @BreasticlesNotTesticles

He told me he loved me after about 3 weeks.

Still together 12 years later.

Savingforarainyday · 06/12/2019 17:15

But surely if you guys talk every day for hours then THATS full on...? Why are you doing that if YOU don't feel like it's something special.
I'm confused!

Original poster
user63212 · 06/12/2019 17:17

But when do you ignore one poster's view of it as a red flag and accept anothers because for them it was the real deal?

that's what confuses me with red flags. for instance some would say a lot of jealousy is a red flag but others would say it was the honeymoon period for that couple and they were just really into each other - now they would look back and laugh at that sort of jealousy.

there seem to be lots of red flags that for some were ignored at the start and it turned into a big love and/or marriage.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 06/12/2019 17:17

I had a lovebomber and he turned out not to be for real - but I wouldn't assume it was a red flag from that alone. Keep your eyes open and see if anything else weird happens, but as long as you're having fun and not planning the wedding yet, it would be OTT to dump him based on what might just be excitement.

Original poster
user63212 · 06/12/2019 17:18

I do think it is something good! i like chatting with him!

i just get scared when i have to think of it as something significant. maybe it is me with the red flag as i am struggling to express my feelings properly yet?!

OP posts:
Postmanbear · 06/12/2019 17:21

To be honest the fact that you speak everyday is very full on for a two week relationship so you are being unfair to say he is coming on strong. What on Earth are you talking about for hours at a time?!

ravenmum · 06/12/2019 17:22

After three dates, of course you don't know if it's going to be a love story or a disappointment.

Just enjoy what you enjoy, you don't have to commit to anything at this stage. You might dump him, he might dump you.

Musti · 06/12/2019 17:23

Enjoy but be wary.

tinyvulture · 06/12/2019 17:27

I think it’s nice - he hasn’t actually said he loves you or wants to marry you or anything (that I WOULD find full on) - just that he is excited and has real hope for the relationship. Personally I would prefer that to a man who deliberately played it cool.......
The thing about not feeling like this about anyone else yet I agree does sound quite odd, but could be genuine if his previous relationships were a bit shit..... DP and I said that fairly early on I think, but that was because we’d both had a really shitty dating/marriage history, so it was just the truth - while not perfect of course, our relationship was then, and is now, much better than any we had had before. Even if it we’d broken up after a couple of months, I think we would both still have stood by that......

Perpetuallysingle · 06/12/2019 17:29

Not a red flag for me. Talking marriage and wanting to spend life together after one or two dates equals huge red flag. (Been there got the t-shirt). In context of no other concerns, expressing that you are developing strong feelings and are excited is nice! Enjoy!

Groovinpeanut · 06/12/2019 17:31

I couldn't talk to anyone for 4hrs on the phone 😮
I would just see how it goes OP
If it's a concern why when you're talking to him so much don't you mention it to him? Just say you would rather take things slowly and just enjoy spending time together before you start with the lovey dovey stuff.
If he persists, then he's not for you.

Onemansoapopera · 06/12/2019 17:32

You speak for four hours?? Well you must be prioritising him pretty highly then, only difference is he's spelled it out. Green flag to that man if anything and red flag to you for questioning it after chatting away your evenings together every night for two weeks.

lilybetsy · 06/12/2019 17:33

You cannot 'KNOW' what this means yet. You haven't know each other long enough. It might be the start of something nice, he nigh be a narcissistic asshole. Give it time, keep your feet on the ground, enjoy it and dont let him move in / lend him any money / agree to get married / get pregnant until you know for sure ...

mcmooberry · 06/12/2019 17:38

I don't see this as a particular red flag with all the chatting for hours that has gone on, you probably know a LOT about each other!

dontmentionbookclub · 06/12/2019 17:41

Maybe he is just being truthful about how he feels? I hope that's what it is - it can happen like that, as some pp have said. I can't remember when my DH first said he loved me but it was early on and we are still together a very very long time later.

Pinkbonbon · 06/12/2019 17:42

Lots if narcissists monopolise your time early on. Speaking to you for hours each day. That on top of telling you he hasn't felt like this before...I'd be wary.

Pull back on the conversation. Reduce contact a bit (you could say: I'll be seeing you in a few days so I'll talk with you then). See how he reacts. Does he throw a strop? Become all dramatic?

Set boundaries (see stuff in prior brackets). Does he ignore them? Does he seem to agree at first but then ignore them later (eg:call you the next night again anyway).

I can't stress enough how this amount of contact he is having is a red flag. There is an off chance it isn't. But it's an off chance. Generally speaking, most people know it is too full on to do that.

But set some boundaries and see what happens.

velocitygirl7 · 06/12/2019 17:46

Oh I always feel sad when folk jump on threads like this screaming 'red flag'

If I'd listened to anyone on here, I would have ran for the hills. Instead I married someone who was openly giddy about me from our very first date and guess what? He still adores and loves me madly 10 years on.

During the early days/weeks we literally texted day & night, dh told me things like 'he'd never felt like this, that he couldn't stop thinking about me'
Maybe, just maybe cynics, we felt that way and said those things because we'd found someone special?

Op, if you're feeling it too, just go for it.

Themyscira · 06/12/2019 17:50

I agree with Pinkbonbon - try to test the waters a bit, see how he reacts when you have other things in life apart from him. Pay close attention to his behaviour.

Strong feelings at the beginning of a relationship are normal, which is why it's confusing to parse what is questionable and what isn't.

An example - the man I'm seeing had stronger feelings for me than I did him, at the beginning. But I told him I wasn't ready to go that fast and he pulled back and has not pressured me in any way about it. He's just happy spending time with me, no qualifiers, no expectations. If he had been offended or pushy, I would have probably walked away; relationships can't be pushed along, they should develop naturally and mutually.