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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

so today it got 100% worse now all his family are threatening me too

53 replies

neverfeltthisdown23 · 04/12/2019 00:37

hi please someone talk i dont know what to do anymore....
today my abusive partner has turned up ay my work kicking off the male members of staff had to put me in the back and go out to him incase he attacked me ....
he left my baby there with me after my manager threatened to call the police...
hes took all my money my babys buggy his car seat etc and went to stay with his mum i assume...
out of sheer desperation i told his dad what had happened what hes like the contant weed smoking making me pay for everything and that he is now getting violent ( i didnt even tell him the half of it ) but anyway a bad move , i thought his dad would care for the sake of his grandson .... he knew he was heavily on weed yrs ago but thought he gave up so no big suprise with that but i guess the agression may be..
his mum has bipolar and very unstable so i thought best to try him
now all night ive had threats off his dad and mum telling me things like " you are digging yourself a big hole accusing him of this and i better drop it as it wont end well for me, that they will report me to ss to aay im an unfit mother a drug addict and abusive to him and mentally unstable and try and have the baby took off me
he was my only form of childcare while i work ( he doesnt work and doesnt pay a penny for his child or his keep ) and ive had calls laughing from them saying now u loose your job this is whats called karma
he took all the money i have i cant even buy shopping and now i cant work he has the babys buggy and carseat so i cant leave the house
and they are all laughing saying no one will believe me as the bitter ex that hes violent and they will believe 3 people saying the same thing
im going out of my mind with worry i could ( just about ) hack the torture he puts me.through but i cant fight against 3 people.ill never win
and i need to work i have no money for my baby
im so shocked none of them care about the baby that i cant buy his food etc
hoping someone is around to chat as i feel terrified of whats to come

OP posts:
Mlou32 · 04/12/2019 04:43

What did womens aid say when you called them? You need to tell them that you are being threatened and feel in fear for you and your babies life. They can offer you refuge and help you get back on your feet. You also need to contact the police and report every last thing. Tell them your colleagues witnessed everything.

Can you maybe use annual leave at work to cover an absence for a week or two while you get things sorted? Or at the worst, unpaid leave. I'm sure your employer wouldn't even expect to see you in for a bit.

I'm worried about you. Please keep us updated.

plumebaby · 04/12/2019 05:06

We are all here for you OP.
I think you might be able to get an emergency grant from social services? Call them in the morning. Don’t believe your abusers family. Don’t hand over your baby. You have evidence from your workplace what he is like. You can do this

plumebaby · 04/12/2019 05:08

Also, do you have any family or friends at all you can call on to support you?

Ibizama · 04/12/2019 05:26

Is your HV friendly, maybe she cld get hold of a car seat/push chair for you to borrow. Post a request for them on trashnothingdotcom, it's always worth a try, people will help

cordeliavorkosigan · 04/12/2019 05:41

We believe you. Lots of good advice on here and sadly so many women have been through similar, you will get through this - please follow advice on here, start a data trail, call the police.

Horehound · 04/12/2019 05:54

These people sound think as mince I really would stop listening to their threats. Keep their txts as evidence. Don't lose your job, can you pay nursery or childminder fees?

Apolloanddaphne · 04/12/2019 05:56

Report the abuse to the police.

Call woman's aid for advice and support.

Speak to your health visitor. She will be able to give to support and also sign post to groups who may be able to help you with getting equipment and possibly further support. I'm thinking about Home Start.

looondonn · 04/12/2019 07:45

Get to the police ASAP

Do not keep any of this secret any more

So sorry you been through this

Keep a detailed diary entry of everything

Keep safe please
I have been through this it is horrendous
And some people didn't even believe me they sided with him as I had kept so much quiet trying to protect him

PicsInRed · 04/12/2019 08:05

Never heard anyone becoming violent as a result of smoking weed

It's a side effect well known by those of us who lived in "high-use" areas. It's presently being studied and findings are interesting.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/10/171006164855.htm

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 04/12/2019 08:15

I would take the initiative and contact SS myself and explain the situation since they are putting a child in danger.

Also ask work if it is possible to have a sabbatical for a couple of weeks while you make new living arrangements - hopefully they will be supportive if you are leaving domestic violence.

OmniversalsTapdancingTadpole · 04/12/2019 08:55

Lots of super advice given to you neverfeltthis, i hope that you and your baby find a place of safety. Have you any family and friends that can help you?

We are here for you Flowers

Groovinpeanut · 04/12/2019 10:37

The situation you are in is horrendous. When you are vulnerable it's difficult to know what to do. As pp have said get in touch with Womens Aid and the police. Do not be intimidated with pathetic threats of being reported to Social Services... This is the oldest threat in the book. These threats are made by pathetic bullies. Social Services have heard this crap from people many times over.
You are not safe where you are, you need to get measures in place to protect you and your baby.
Do not accept any calls from your partner or his parents. Let them text and if they are threatening keep the messages or voicemails as evidence. The photos on your phone of the physical abuse show these to the police.
Womens Aid can help you with constructive ways to deal with this or move you out of the area if you're unsafe.
I really hope you manage to get the police to help. Please keep us updated as to how you are.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 04/12/2019 10:49

What nasty people OP

Call the police. Make sure he no longer has access to your money.

I'm sure they will believe you about the punch to the face - no one hurts themselves like that, there is a lack of evidence (blood, damaged wall), and the pictures will show the pattern of injuries as being inconsistent. Have you got any evidence that his mum said she would lie for him?

Are you on facebook? Block him and his friends and family and see if you can put a request on free cycle or your local selling page for car seat and buggy. Say your car was stolen or something and ask if anyone could donate. Hopefully you will get something and then you will have some options.

Fannybaws52 · 04/12/2019 11:11

OP you are being bullied. Call Woman's Aid for help and please report the lot of them to 101!

You need that paper trail to fight back. Even if the Police don't do anything, the reports will help you later down the line when you will want an anti molestation order or to refuse mediation. Don't protect them! Report and show the Policy all your pics, texts etc and give your co-worker names as witnesses.

Good Luck and you can also cease all contact. Don't answer emails, calls or texts. You don't have to! You can choose to ignore them.

TheABC · 04/12/2019 11:19

We believe you. Get the ball rolling with women's aid, police and talk to your bank. Explain the financial abuse and get him off the account (or move to a new one he cannot access). You may also be able to arrange a low-interest loan that allows you to find a nursery or childminder to pay. Talk to your work and explain you need a little time to arrange childcare. As a single, working mother, you can claim childcare credits and other aid.

You have a job and a home. You are in a better position than you think. Now is the time to let everyone else help you. Honestly, in moving out, he has done you a favour.

Stay safe.

DramaLlamaLady · 04/12/2019 11:22

They wont believe you've done that. I injure myself that way and no one believed my partner wasnt beating me for ages. Even people who'd seen me at my most unstable cant imagine how I do it to myself and ask me outright if my partner has done it.

She would also need to explain why she didn't call for assistance. Witnessing someone harm themselves that way is horrific and traumatizing. Most would call 999.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 04/12/2019 11:27

Think about it OP. If you were a drug addict and mentally unstable, wouldn't it be YOU kicking off and dumping the baby and stealing money? But it wasn't you, it was HIM - and you have witnesses.

Keep talking to women's aid. If family can't help you, maybe a refuge is the answer, temporarily. Look for car seats on freecycle or FB? Your immediate safety re accommodation, and food is of the utmost priority atm though.

Anyoed · 04/12/2019 12:08

OK so I was in a similar situation where ex threatened to take.my since away he's from another country where I would never get my son back. I called 101. They had to report to ss I was terrifed as he said he would bring up my past. I was completely honest with ss. They supported me were amazing. Serriously u need to keep all evidence go to womens aid citizens advice will also help with food and nappies etc. There is help there for u. Record all in diarys text. Etc. And to be fair if u r first to report it looks a lot better for u. Good luck. Flowers

Aridane · 04/12/2019 17:10

How are you, OP?

frazzledasarock · 04/12/2019 17:19

Drugs tests will show who is the one doing drugs.

You need to remove all access to your money from him, change pins, report cards and money stolen.

Report your car seat and baby things stolen

Do you have friends or family who could help with your baby whilst you go to work.

Have you applied for all benefits you can?

You do need to report him and his parents for their threats against you.

user1497997754 · 04/12/2019 17:36

Call the police x

Heatherjayne1972 · 04/12/2019 17:54

Like others I’ve been there op

The police ss and the judicial service see violent men like this very very often and won’t be fooled by lies - no matter what your ex and his family say
I promise I thought I wouldn’t be believed
But I was
Report him every time anything happens keep texts / photos/. See the gp if he hurts you It’s all evidence in your favour

Don’t listen to these people. Keep strong

I wish you the best.

looondonn · 04/12/2019 21:52

Great advice on here
Thinking of you

Original poster
neverfeltthisdown23 · 04/12/2019 22:50

hi thanks for all the replies and im sorry its took me so long to reply my internet was buggered but ive fixed it ( who needs a man eh )
todays been a bit of a nightmare his mum called before school screaming she was going to kill me .... well actually shes a witch and shes put a spell on me to kill me and if that doesnt work she will kill me herself ... she has mental health issues , saying ive drove him to drugs ( ive known him 6 yrs hes smoked weed for 20 ) and i am inflicting domestic abuse on him claiming hes a shit dad ( which he is )
i spoke to womens aid last night who passed me onto new era i think its called???
they said they could give me a support worker which sounded good but i refused to do a risk assesment as she said it woulf go to a marac and ss be informed if they thought baby was in danger and i panicked .... anyway she said a worker would call me back today i missed a call private number and no voicemail so i cant call back
still havent been to work they have offered me a couple of days off unpaid to sort myself out childcare wise but nothing will change by mon
hes been messaging all day not horrible ( hes too clever to put it by msg ) but just defending himself and wants an apology off my boss making a formal complaint against company blah blah never coming bk to me now ive tried to make him look violent and promised he would drop the babys buggy carseat and some of the money he stole at a mutual friends house .... he wanted to bring them here i said no
anyway he didnt drop anything im raging and disgusted he can treat his baby like he does so ive messaged him saying keep the buggy carseat etc and sell it to buy weed ic it makes him feel good and not tp bother watching him while i work as id rather loose my job than have a selfish abusive waster like him watch my precious baby
i know everyone will say why did u reply but he makes me so angry!!!!!

OP posts: