I kissed him and he rejected me

[Bellaviolet]

Friends with this man for ages, he always had a partner so nothing happened but there was an attraction there.
He was going through a break up in April and his head was a mess. During this time he said he had feelings for me and we kissed several times. I fell head over heels at this point....he ended up getting back with his partner which left me devastated.
We agreed to be friends again but it wasn’t the same. It was like he became obsessed with me and me with him but it didn’t cross a line. We would chat every night online, we would see each other at work, we would have coffee as friends but for me the feelings never went away.
Today he was flirting with me big time, telling me I’m hot and amazing. Said he watched me walk all the time and watched my ass etc. We had a few moments where we looked in each other’s eyes during talking and I could feel how unto me he was...until I kissed him and he said what are you doing I can’t do that!?
I freaked out and apologised but started crying. I said I know it was wrong it was a stupid mistake but then I got mad and said to him how he’s lead me on all day and he waits until I bite then he pushes me away. I said to him you have a very short memory because we were once more and stop trying to minimise what happened.
I told him to never speak to me again and block me on all platforms and he seemed upset and said what never again?! And I said why do you want me in your life? He said because I’m a friend and a great person...but it’s very clear to me now that his ego is the most important thing in his life.
I feel so humiliated I’m such an idiot it was wrong I know. My emotions carried me away and now I look like a desperate tramp. I see him at work everyday. My head is spinning.
I don’t know what I want people to say...I just need some comfort and words of advice.

You poor soul, Bellaviolet. You're tender hearted and vulnerable but - see it in proportion - it was a kiss, nothing more. Horrible as it is to be rejected try and remember that men are frequently rejected: a very wise old male friend of mine said to me once that women take rejection far worse than men because in two out of three cases, men are rejected, women far less than that. It's true too.

I know how embarrassed you must feel but at least whatever the relationship was is now over. Hardly anyone goes through life without making a fool of themselves occasionally, I doubt you will make the same mistake again.

Please do try to leave it behind you - it's an infatuation and it will pass. You'll find somebody far more suitable and then you'll be able to put this incident down to experience.

that is not an affair
....Ross Gellar, is that you?
xD I might not call it an affair but if my partner was hanging with another woman (who he'd snogged recently) telling her she had a nice ass and all that shite, I don't think I'd be too happy about that would you?

So potato potahto.

Why would you want a relationship with him when he’s unsure of you? Well done for blocking him, you’ve raised your standards by doing that. The message you sent him is that he can’t treat you badly as YOU won’t allow it. Well done.

Love is a two way thing. One sided ‘love’ is infatuation or limerance. Doesn’t mean it isn't hard and it does hurts like hell. Once you ride those feelings out you’ll feel much better.

Be kind to yourself and keep those standards up. You’ve done nothing wrong

There's no doubt that the guy is an absolute dick but you were fully complicit even though you knew he had a girlfriend.

Also - if we’re being completely honest - you wouldn’t be weeping & wailing or blocking him if he had kissed you back would you?

Just a tip for the future, a man can’t lead you on if you refuse to follow.

He won’t be able to contact me as I’ve blocked him on everything. He’s too much of a coward to approach me in person. He’s never been one to talk about emotional things or anything uncomfortable, so I doubt he will.

He doesn't sound particularly good relationship material to me. If I were you I'd thank my stars for this quick get out of gaol card which you've been given - you can now move on without bothering about him

Good luck at work today OP. Keep your head down and focus on your work. If he has any sense he won’t come seeking you out. You know you are doing the right thing, you don’t want to be the “OW” anymore (which in a way you kind of became, if you are being truthful to yourself)
You’ve got this

Horrible as it is to be rejected try and remember that men are frequently rejected:

This.

Whilst he had acted like a dick, you were also complicit. It will hurt but don't give it the power to make you feel worthless. Life is full of knock backs. This is a mistake, one to learn from, not to beat yourself up over and wallow in self pity about.

I got through the working day. Didn’t sleep a wink all night and had horrible baggy eyes this morning from crying. Going into work was so hard for me but thought to myself I’m not giving him the satisfaction of phoning in sick.
He didn’t approach me and kept his head down.
I’ve told myself all day that this is the start of the rest of my life, the pain threshold has been hit and it took what it took to be able to block him and say no more.
There is a good chance I will need to work with him next week and I need to think how I’m going to play it out. It’s going to be very uncomfortable.

Glad he kept his distance from you.
Cool as a cucumber from now on...

Good attitude. Hold yr head up high. He messed with you. He is an eegit. You will get over it and think less of HIM.

Well done

Update on the situation a lot has happened...

My friend had a word with him behind my back. Probably not the best idea but what’s done is done. She said to him that he better stop using me to feed his ego and stop been over friendly with me all the time or she will tell his partner everything about the messaging and the kissing and he said to her that he was just being nice to me!

So he basically gaslighted her and made out I was a stupid woman who just had a crush.

I worked with him directly and I couldn’t look him in the eye I was so angry but decided not to bring it up and keep my dignity. He tried making small talk and was friendly but I just felt so angry I couldn’t even get into a normal conversation so was very short and Quiet.
Then it hit me that me being quiet makes it look like I’m sulking because he rejected me so I decided to pull him up.
I said to him about the gaslighting and that he doesn’t get to throw me under the bus whilst walking away smelling of roses and I sat and told him a few home truths about the emotional affair and his actions...he honestly sat there in complete silence and stonewalled me but took it all in. His face looked in physical pain from what looked like guilt. I was very calm and didn’t shout or swear and he was listening but then didn’t say anything at all for half an hour, just sat there with a sad face.
I got no apology or explanation and I haven’t even as much as looked at him since.
Although I did outline his actions I also outlined mine and apologised for the kiss and getting into this while he had a girlfriend. I have took a long hard look at myself and I am ashamed of my actions but I want to move forward and learn from this.

Bloody well done @Bellaviolet - it's good to say your piece. Now you can move on and ignore his bullshite!

Good for you, giving him a telling-off. He's been an absolute bastard towards you, and he knows it. Now he knows that you know too.

Well done !!!! He reminds me of that character in The Holiday, the one who is super nice and flirty to Kate Winslet and gets engaged to someone else ! Walk away with your head up ! He’s a ass !!!

Replying just for this ! Cut him off, completely he is an utter head fuck who is using you to stroke his ego.