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Original poster

What makes some older women think their adult sons are GOD

70 replies

SheepGoesBaa · 02/12/2019 15:53

I've seen it a few times from some older women. They think their adult sons are god and can do no wrong and their adult sons are corrupted by their female partners. Then they hate their sons partner with a passion.

I've seen this a few times. In one case one mothers son was a drug addict and really a piece of scum.

Even in my own mother I see it. She has this mentality where she pitys my brothers in particular the youngest one for being male.

Last week mail came for him and I saw her run to get her glasses to investigate the envelope. Another time he opened his mail, left the room and she read his mail. I think it's so wrong. He has no privacy. I don't know if I should tell him of I see her again reading his mail.

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 04/12/2019 08:33

What makes them think their sons are god?
I’m not sure, but its very Freudian.

Ohyesiam · 04/12/2019 08:35

I suppose they just love them? I think the sun shines out of both my children's arses. My mum is the same with me and my sibling. Isn't that what's supposed to happen?

That’s not what the op is talking about. She’s talking about being wilfully blind to faults and looking for others to blame, you are talking about championing your offspring.

You can love someone, but not love their behaviour.

Bluerussian · 04/12/2019 08:42

Can't say I've ever felt mine is God :-), I think he's very nice but like most of us, is human with flaws. My in laws never thought my husband was God though they recognised he was a decent chap.

I've known plenty of people who appear to feel their children can never do any wrong, regardless of sex, and have heard some very funny stories but I just accept thats how they are, it hardly affects me.

Ohyesiam · 04/12/2019 08:44

Oops posted to soon.
Ive seen that it’s just too complex for some people to love their child but disapprove of what they have done/ said. They are all or nothing.

I’ve worked in schools and have seen this in action plenty. I’ve has parents ( yes both times mums of sons) tell me that their child is not capable of lying, where the only possible explanation is that they lied, and the child “ can’t remember” what happened.
It does their offspring no favours, it limits their ability to get on in the world. It also ties the son to the mother, because he knows that no one else will give him this special treatment. This is , I believe, the mothers ( unconscious) motivation.

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/12/2019 08:52

My XMIL was like this, it didn't make for a happy marriage.

I think all my children are perfect, they are wonderful people. It doesn't mean I think they are perfect partners, colleagues or friends. But as my children, just the bee's knees.

Bartlet · 04/12/2019 10:14

I struggle to understand how anyone can think their child is perfect (beyond the newborn phase). Everyone has character traits and behaviours which are not great. Loving a child warts and all is a healthier attitude to have.

RantyAnty · 04/12/2019 10:50

Mothers and fathers who do this, allowing their sons to be rude, lazy, entitled, incompetent, are not being loving to their sons.

missyoumuch · 04/12/2019 11:01

Mothers and fathers who do this, allowing their sons to be rude, lazy, entitled, incompetent, are not being loving to their sons.

Agree with this, a lot of the problem with men in our society is due to parents - both mothers and fathers - letting boys get away with bad behaviour that they'd never accept from their girls.

I've also experienced women who think the sun shines out of their adult son's arses. I had to end a relationship over it. Every decision he made that she didn't like was due to my bad influence and I was distracting her son from achieving his greatness - yes this is literally what she was telling him. When we broke up he had a massive downward spiral into drink and risky behaviour. I'm sure in her mind that was my fault as well.

missyoumuch · 04/12/2019 11:03

I think the sun shines out of both my children's arses. My mum is the same with me and my sibling. Isn't that what's supposed to happen?

I love my DCs enormously but I don't think the sun shines out of their arses, they aren't superhumans just because they're my children. I support them and love them but I'm not blind to their weaknesses or bad behaviour.

Or maybe you are using the phrase to mean something else...seems like a shit way to parent if I'm honest, if you think your DCs are perfect.

Pinktornado · 04/12/2019 11:04

The nicest men I know (DH included) all have pretty horrendous mothers who criticise them constantly. As a mum of a DS I do feel tremendous pressure to get it right, and not produce an entitled wee prick but a lovely, secure, balanced man. Answers on a postcard please!

YouJustDoYou · 04/12/2019 11:05

Yeah my MIL is like this with the oldest son. Ex druggie, alcohol dependant, aggressive etc, but is the absolute golden boy because he believes every single lie she tells, and he brings her alcohol. My dh was nothing to her until he changed careers and got a prestigious one, all of a sudden she was "proud" but then happily admitted she loved everyone looking at her when she was stood next to him, so it wasn't actually him she was proud of but what the status of being seen with him did for her. She's a grade A horrible poisonous bitch, and it's a pleasure never to have to see her.

SeaViewBliss · 04/12/2019 11:12

My MIL is generally lovely but she has the very old fashioned view that men folk are there to be looked after.

It came up one day that DH had done some washing (he does most of it) and MIL was so proud, she told me how lucky I was. Her friend was there and basically told her to get a grip. Why did she imagine this was so heroic? MIL was a bit stumped and hasn't ever said anything similar since!

My own Mum is quite in awe of my older Brother but manages to keep herself in check most of the time - she has managed not to alienate my SIL in the 30 years she has been with DBro!

Mintjulia · 04/12/2019 11:12

Perhaps it’s a generational thing. My mum had 1 son, 4 daughters.
She was hugely proud of her son being a chartered accountant, but dismissed her daughter who had a politics degree, and her daughter who had BSc, MSc,and PHD as less important.
And she was genuinely upset when she discovered one of her daughters earned more than he did.
She loved all her children, but somehow, women earning more than him, was wrong.
She loathed his wife, thinking she was lazy (sahm) and spendthrift ( buying M&S ready meals).
She was quite an older mum though and not the easiest going person.

MsMellivora · 04/12/2019 11:14

I think many women never find real love and never feel truly loved by the men they should do in their lives so they project all this on to their sons.

SlightlyBonkersQFA · 05/12/2019 23:27

Not sure it has to do with finding love. More to do with self awareness.

PlasticPatty · 05/12/2019 23:30

Penis worship.
If you consider our entire society as a cult where penis is god, it all starts to make sense.

lexiepuppy · 06/12/2019 10:28

My ex MIL worships my ex narc husband, even though he was abusive to myself and our children on many occasions. I asked for her help with his behaviour (She is a qualified Bacp counsellor) but she refused to help me.

Since leaving him I realise they are both narcissistic and are enmeshed with each other. I had great pleasure in divorcing my MIL.

I highly recommend buying the book called: When he's married to Mom by Kenneth M Adams.

My mother is enmeshed with my brother and they have a dysfunctional relationship too so I was used to that dynamic.

I would not like to be enmeshed with my son. I love him, but I know the sun doesn't shine out of his arse!

GeordieTerf · 06/12/2019 20:41

@PlasticPatty

Haha! So true!

JoyceJames · 06/12/2019 23:07

Older women are exactly like younger women. Some parent well and others don't.

Mimosa20 · 07/12/2019 04:01

Yes. My MIL is overprotective about his adult son and LOVES to control me as she is so scared I don't treat her god of a son well.

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