How much were your solicitor fees

[Minionmomma]

I know this should prob be in the divorce section but the relationships section seems to have a lot more traffic.

I need to financially disentangle from my ‘D’H. We agreed that we both wish to avoid court but he seems to want 50% of our house, pay me some maintenance (he earns a lot more) and his inheritance is not included in the division. This would mean him walking away in a much more secure position than I. I’m primary carer although he’s going to try to claim we are 50/50%.

I called a reputable solicitor and was quoted £235 p/hr plus vat; £23.50 plus vat for each letter, email, phone call thereafter. I can see huge bills building up.

How much did you pay in total? Is there anything I can do myself to keep costs down? TIA.

I think in minimising the fees that you will expose yourself to potentially far greater long term financial losses.

If he wants 50% of the house then why shouldn't you get 50% of his windfall? Fairs fair, no? All your assets are currently legally shared because you are still married. 17 years will count for a lot in court. And maintenance is necessary if you are taking on larger burden of childcare. It's not him doing you a favour.

Think about a scenario where he is better off than he currently is and you are worse off with larger bills and more childcare. Would that be fair? (Although I think you said 50/50 was the aim, yeah it was for us too but didn't actually work out that way once he realised he might have to give up his hobby of an evening) Is that fair? Get more advice and don't settle for informal arrangements unless you are absolutely content.

You don't want to pay c £10K but even a quarter of the value of the inheritance (given while you were still 'happily' married) is more than that.

He doesn't get to choose the rules on this. He can't just decide that the inheritance is 'off limits'. He can't decide that childcare is 50/50 when it's not been that up till now, and when your career prospects have suffered. That is why you need good legal advice - even if it's only to scare the pants off him.

Negotiating this without legal costs is do-able if you are both being fair and equal. He is not. You could agree that the inheritance is all his, but only if you get a much bigger % of the house equity (to home you and dc), and if potential pensions are on the table.

@Minionmomma, not getting specialist family law advice is a FALSE ECONOMY.

First off: sorry for him, but his inheritance is a family asset. You are entitled to half of it.
Maintenance: have you factored in inflation? What about when the children want to go to university? Postgraduate studies?

I strongly advise you to cough up. That professional advice is worth its weigh in gold. Men recover from divorce within about 6 years, whereas women have hard old ages. Please do not scrimp on legal advice.

About 5k in total

A situation (on the face of it) not that different to yours with a disparity in income and a large amount of savings/pension on his side but not mine, costs were just under 4,000 that included the financial order to the court and some horse trading between solicitors. My solicitor was/is around 180 an hour and she's very good old school practice.

I'd also avoid informal agreements unless you are the higher earner because it's so easy to underestimate your worth, needs and entitlements. My eyes were opened, I'd have been far far worse off. Ideally, all else being equal you should ideally be no worse off than you were during marriage in terms of income and standard of living. Married, that inheritance is a joint asset. It just is!

What about his pension? They are often the most valuable asset in a spritz

Or a split!!

@noego I hear you. The fallout goes on....

He can say what he likes but legally it might not be off limits.

My friend got up to about 35k I think everyone else was lower.

The inheritance is definitely in a grey area as you have been advised. The key question will be whether excluding it allows your needs to be met. This is what you need to define and agree.

Staying in the FMH isn’t always a need and therefore neither is needing enough to buy him out.

How much capital do you need to buy a suitable home. Can you increase your income ? These are all pertinent questions.

Used Wikivorce in 2008. Cost about £400 at the time. Extremely straightforward.

Agree with Lemon about the inheritance. If it's needed to meet needs then it be taken into account. Not sure if you are considering/need spousal maintenance but if you are, it could be used to capitalise and ensure a clean break. Courts have a duty to find a clean break if they can. Spousal is the gift that keeps on giving. When they don't want to pay it can end up back in court looking at finances again.

Mine was 2k including a very brief bit of litigation

Former lawyer and divorcee here. Had a similar situation re inheritance save that my H inherited about 3 months after he left. Advice was that this was a grey area, as he had left but we were not divorced, but much less grey where entitlement to inheritance falls in during the marriage.

In my opinion, a good lawyer should be consulted to tell you what, legally, you are entitled to. Once you know that, you can decide what, if anything, are your red lines, and what, if anything, you are prepared to concede. You don't, if both of you are reasonable, need lawyers to negotiate. I would however, if agreement is reached, ask a lawyer to check it over, make sure it is enforceable etc.

One additional issue: I found negotiating with my ex very difficult. I hated receiving emails from him, and some of the things he said sent me into a flat spin. I welcomed having a third party involved, the distance form him it created was worth every penny.

Oh god I agree Theoscargoesto - I remember after being mostly amicable - the very first snag we came to and I got a huffy telephone call and a snipy email from my XH which made me super anxious and left to my own devices I'd have just agreed to whatever for a quiet life. People get defensive, we all do when we perceive a threat. You go from being a couple to being two separate people who are both expecting the other to rip them off!

Agreeing to let the solicitors slug all the snags meant we might have paid more but meant we could just message about the kids and domestic things and maintain civility. That was priceless.

£35k. Will still be paying it off as I'm shuffled through the doors of the funeral parlour !

Don't marry a knob. Period.

"@MsNobodyHere was there any dispute between you and your ex re division of assets?"

There wasn't thankfully. He did initially throw out 50/50 despite us not protecting the deposit I paid because he said he would never go after it. Luckily my solicitor said I had offered a good deal in pension for house. Ex got legal advice (twice) and must have been told the same thing as he never mentioned 50/50 again. In my situation, my needs were much higher so he would have likely got 60/40 or 70/30 split from the house plus I would have got half his pension. Also the house wouldn't have been sold until youngest was 18 so ex wouldn't get his money for a while as i couldn't afford to buy him out. Luckily he went for my offer.

Your ex is being a dick. 50/50 plus protecting his inheritence! I don't think so.

Thank you so much everyone. This advice is gold.

@LemonTT you refer to ‘need’ and this is where I get confused. We have two young children, same sex, so potentially it could be perceived that I only ‘need’ a two bed home. In which case I could afford to buy a two bed property with a 50/50% split of the capital in the house and with raising a mortgage for £50-80k. We are currently in a house double that size. Husband earns a lot more than me, plus with his inheritance he would walk away in a much better position financially.

I would actually begrudge that he walk away better off though given all the sacrifices I have made so that we could have children, relocate for his career and to care for his elderly parent. But perhaps the courts would see thode decisions as my choice...

£36k which was a complete waste of money as he forced so much on me and we don’t even stick to the court order he wanted!!

Maybe you could try mediation before you go to court. As others have said, solicitor costs can spiral into the tens of thousands alarmingly quickly, especially if you don't agree. Look up a good mediator as a starting point as it could help you come to an agreement and it usually costs less than 100 an hour.

Thanks @MakeItRain mediation was suggested in a previous post of mine. I was left feeling unclear about the role or benefits of a mediator. My understanding was that the mediator just sat not really saying anything.. If my ex thinks he’s entitled to more than what he probably is then I’m not sure a mediator would step in.. I might be wrong...??

OP
The needs issue is pertinent but not necessarily definitive. Lifestyle can be factored in along with other things. The need to readjust into FT and better paid employment also plays a part.

However, and I mean this kindly, resentment no matter how justified won’t impact on the settlement. Except in so far that you will pay lawyers a lot of money seeking moral rather than legal resolution.

As someone with a legal background can I just say that divorce does in no way entitle you to the “lifestyle to which you are accustomed” these days.

Courts will generally make sure you and your children have adequate resources to be housed and fed and generally receive a 60/40 split of the marital assets (assuming you can raise a small mortgage). Pension is often also taken into account depending on age. The main caregiver will be expected to work when children are school age, so long term spousal maintenance is rare.

Generally a larger share of the martial home is traded for the pension, sometimes with a mesher order to remain until the youngest child is 18 if the mane caregiver is unable to raise a mortgage to buy the exiting spouse out.

Unfortunately this often leaves the main caregiver with a seriously inadequate pension!

Thank you so much for all of your advice. MN is awesome. I am in FT employment with a reasonable income. Even if we did go 50/50 on the capital in the house and nothing else I would still be able to support me and the children, albeit in a smaller home. And that is without him paying me anything - spousal or for the children. Part of me just wants to move on. So what if he earns more or has a bigger house? He’s a dick and I need to disentangle myself from him financially. I posted previously about this and was strongly advised to go down the legal route. And I will do that.