What do you think of this? Feel like rug pulled

[tampongate]

I've been dating someone for 6 months. We both travel a lot so away for periods of time, but things have stepped up in frequency since October (seeing each other most days and staying over 2 nights a week at each other's places.)

While he was travelling last week he called me from abroad in the evening to say hi, that he had been thinking about me a lot, and he was very drunk. While we were talking he said he was looking forward to seeing me the next day and he said that when we see each other and we have sex, he wants me to say (he read it out to me like a script): that I love him, I want to be his and that I want to belong to him forever. He was insistent on it. Saying please, for me, say it to me. This didn't seem odd to me, although we are not saying "I love you" or anything, it's still quite early days, and the other stuff is not the kind of thing I would normally say.

Fast forward to the next day and we spend a nice afternoon and evening, go out for dinner, go back to his and we start having sex. While we are at it, I start saying what he wants me to say. Sex is good and finishes and we hold each other, and he says, "I'm a bit surprised by what you said?" I said "what do you mean?" He said "you know what I mean, all the stuff about love, and being min forvever, it's pretty full on. To be honest, it makes me a bit scared."

I was really tired and a bit drunk myself and got quite upset but couldn't put my finger on why. He said "listen, things are great. You are my girlfriend and we care about each other and we have amazing sex and we love being around each other. But I am not ready to start talking about forever or making big decisions. I hope that's okay?"

when I eventually sobered up and woke up the next morning I was still upset and reminded him that this is what he told me to say. He says he doesn't remember. When I insisted that he did, he tried to brush it off and just said "I suppose I have to stop drinking." Every time I bring it up now he brushes it off quickly, but that conversation has stayed with me.

I feel completely set up and manipulated and a bit embarrassed.

Do you think my reaction is normal? What is he playing at?

that I love him, I want to be his and that I want to belong to him forever

Erm... Belong to him forever is a bizarre set of words to choose, even without the weirdness of him prompting you to repeat lines back to him like he's some kind of cult leader or authority over you.

I'd be ending this because that's not a normal request and in all likelihood, it either signifies some very strange mind games or someone who is quite needy, and neither sounds great for a new relationship.

@NearlyGranny

He's a player, I think. There are men out there following weird rules they get from a game book

It's supposed to keep a woman uncertain, unstable and one down all the time

@ScreamingValenta This will be some 'technique' he's picked up - a form of 'negging'.

What's this now? Had not heard of this. Can you please enlighten us further?!

Yes, negging is what 'players' are taught to do. Open a conversation with a negative comment about a woman's appearance and try to make her feel insecure and favoured by the male attention.

Neil Strauss wrote The Game and they call themselves PUAs: pick up artists. They actually run tutorials in the streets. One tutor has recently gone to prison for assault.

I don’t think it was negging. I think it was a sexual fantasy (and it’s not that uncommon for people to want that ‘in love’ role play during casual sex). He didn’t explain to her that his whole fantasy involved both her undying love and his rejection. Because he’s an arsehole. I’d run.

He's fucking with your head.

What a weirdo.

Yes, negging is what 'players' are taught to do. Open a conversation with a negative comment about a woman's appearance and try to make her feel insecure and favoured by the male attention....They actually run tutorials in the streets.

Thanks @nearlyGranny! What the hell?! I knew nothing about it. I bet they get success as well. Awful, but good to know.

Run for the hills OP!

There's something very off here.

The absolute best spin on it from his point of view is that he asked you to say that stuff as part of a sex play fetish, imagine the words instead were specific dirty talk, that for some reason get him off. He had courage to ask because he was drunk. Afterwards he was so embarrassed that he wanted to pretend it had never happened like he had asked you to dress up in green latex or something.

I think this is highly unlikely though. It's much more likely to be that he is fucking you around. Its so manipulative to set you up like that.

I think your mistake here was not to mention it at all after he'd made the drunk request and before having sex. You should have treated it like a request for green latex or specific dirty talk and asked him about it and why/what it was that did it for him before agreeing to do it. You'd have cleared the air and found out what he was up to.

As it is, I would end this relationship. Not because of his request but the nasty and hurtful way he treated you afterwards. He was deliberately telling you hurtful things. I wonder if it was a possible set up so that he had the opportunity to say this relationship needs to stay on the cool setting dont get any serious ideas.

I see nearlyGranny has explained negging now, @CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook . Awful stuff.

OP what are you hoping will happen with this relationship?

That's one of the biggest red flags i've ever seen on here.

A massive dose of what everyone on here has said, gaslighting, mindfucking, crazy making.

Get out now before he continues! He's dangerous.

The rule book that someone referred to....I think it's called the red pill.

Oh no - I would not put up with this so early on.

Put him in the bin.

I was horrified reading your post.

Mind games of the highest order. I don't buy the i was drunk and can't remember line either.
If you don't want to dump him just yet, then proceed with great caution and look out for more mind games in which case dumping him is the only sensible option. It could be a one off but somehow I doubt it is. Nasty thing to do.

He's a weirdo.

Just asking you to say that script is enough.

The rest deserves a LTB.

What a weirdo ... fucking hell . Get rid. Someone who has a bad memory when drunk is never a good thing either .