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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please keep me strong. Im leaving him tonight. Abusive relationship.

45 replies

Whattheduckisthis · 30/11/2019 16:46

I dont know where to start so am going to just throw it all out and hope you lovley people help stay strong like you have so many OP's.

Im in my late 20s 2 dc, ds 8 from previous relationship dd 18 months from current relationship. Dp of 2.5 years.

I fell down 3 stairs and badly sprained my ankle early friday morning while holding DD, shes fine thank godness. I cant walk weight bear and need to rest it for 3 days as told by hospital dp has enjoyed every second of me needing him to help me with dd knowing im not capable at the moment and after a barrage of being called a fat cunt a shit mum etc etc today im finally doing it im leaving him. He has been living at his mums for few months again as i told him to leave after another punch to the face and he today keeps saying if i dont give him money he will not help me with dd. So after he has fed and bathed her tonight i am going to refuse the £200 he demands and he will leave. Then i have no choice but to go no contact. Ive left him before. Ive had police involved and let down by them so much so this time no police no drama im just going to go no contact.

He looks after dd very well when he has her on his own i have no issues with him seeing her he can arrange this through someone else maybe court i dont know.

Own house rented, own income. I cant walk. But ill do this

My kids deserve so much better. I need to smash this.

OP posts:

PlasticPatty · 30/11/2019 16:48

Your children deserve better.
You deserve better.
Is there anyone who can support you? Family? Friends?

Thehagonthehill · 30/11/2019 16:49

Wish you strong.Are you going to be safe doing this?

nrpmum · 30/11/2019 16:50

You will be a katrillion times better off without him. You've got this, keep posting. We'll hold your hand if you need it x

AnotherEmma · 30/11/2019 16:50

Good for you.
Have you called women's aid?
Have you reported any of the abuse to the police before?
Where are you planning to go?
Are you taking DD with you?

See www.womensaid.org.uk/the-survivors-handbook/making-a-safety-plan/

Interestedwoman · 30/11/2019 16:50

Well done in making this decision. Go for it and stick with it. You can do it. xxxxx

Annasgirl · 30/11/2019 16:51

HI OP, do you have someone IRL who can be with you when you tell him? I am afraid it will escalate and if you are unable to move you are very vulnerable.

ysmaem · 30/11/2019 16:52

I'm glad you've seen that you deserve and need better. Do you have family or friends for emotional support? Can you call someone to help you care for your dd while your ankle heals? You are very brave and strong and I wish you the best of luck.

HollowTalk · 30/11/2019 16:56

I'm a bit worried that you will be telling him he can't have that money (when he obviously is expecting it) while he's there. Is it possible you could say it by text?

DeathStare · 30/11/2019 16:59

I am sure you are doing the right thing by leaving him, but please think about your own safety. Can someone be there with you? Or at the very least can you phone someone and let them know what you are doing and ask that if you haven't phoned them back by x time that they come round or phone the police?

MrsMozartMkII · 30/11/2019 17:01

A handhold from me lass.

You can and you will do this. You and your children deserve so very much better. Life will be good.

pog100 · 30/11/2019 17:02

You sound strong, I'm sure stronger than you feel. You also sound cynical, which in this case is good! You know him only too well. Stick to your plan and get him right out of it. Is there anyone else you can call on for a bit of help while mobility is hard?

lisag1969 · 30/11/2019 17:12

I am so so proud of you. Please please leave him. You are so right your kids deserve better but so do you.
I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years. Didn't have the guts to leave before then. Make sure you leave and stay away. Staying for 7 years was the biggest waste of my time and I wish I had that time back now. Please keep us posted. X lots of love to you and your family X

TinMansBrain · 30/11/2019 17:20

You need someone present when you leave him. It would be extremely unwise to do this on your own, as the presence of DV pits you at high risk of homicide.

Please stay safe.

TinMansBrain · 30/11/2019 17:21

Proud of you x

HowToBeAWoman · 30/11/2019 17:23

Is there anyone who can be there when you tell him? There is a strong possibility he could become violent. Stay safe.

blackteasplease · 30/11/2019 17:26

I wanted to say the same - please have someone with you .

JorisBonson · 30/11/2019 17:47

Good for you OP. Sending you strength. X

Original poster

Whattheduckisthis · 30/11/2019 18:57

Wow thank you for all your support!
Ive called womens aid before now in the past got solicitor's advise. The police have been involved and logged the abuse and coercive control etc in the past. I dont have anywhere else to go so am just going to be at home and yeah dd is with me ds is due home from his dads tomorrow.

I have no friends now or family who speak to me because he cut me off from them all i wasnt allowed to speak to them point blank BUT huge update....

Didnt have to wait till id got DD to bed as he announced he needed the money now (should of mentioned he gambles every penny never has momey in alot of debt) so i calmly said
"Dp i wanted to discuss this after dd had gone to sleep, i cant and will not be able to give you the money as i cant afford too and i think it is in everyone's best interets if we go our separate ways, i would like you to leave" to which he snached my crutches from me threw them on the floor called me some names im sure you can all imagine what they were and then he was gone.

Im not answering the door if he comes back. If he does i will be calling the police. He has no key. And no phone as he broke his a few weeks ago at work and hasnt had one since.

I feel shocked it went so well and he has gone however i know this is the hard part now, especially with the pain of this flipping ankle and carrying dd about ( she is visually impaired doesnt walk yet very clingy etc) but im spurred on by all your responses.

Thank you all

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 30/11/2019 19:00

Well done OP. So relieved that he left without hurting you.

Shantotto · 30/11/2019 19:04

I know you said you don’t have friends / family around due to him cutting you off but do you feel you can slowly reach out now he’s gone? I’m sure they’d rally around you.

OliveToboogie · 30/11/2019 19:11

Plz try and reach out to family and friends, explain your situation I'm sure they would want to help.

MollyButton · 30/11/2019 19:21

Reach out to family and friends - tell them the truth and some may e there for you.

dottydolly72 · 30/11/2019 19:26

Aww bless you! Well done for standing up to this a-hole!! Keep strong xx

rumandbiscuits · 30/11/2019 19:27

Well done OP
You sound like such a strong person although you probably don't always feel like you are but you definitely are strong so never forget that! Are you able to now start to reconnect with family for extra support?

Princessfaffalot · 30/11/2019 19:28

Well done! Stay strong, you and your kids are going to be so much better off without this knob head in your lives x

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