Rude to politely decline this holiday ?

[Ladykady]

It's a colleague who's asked me*to go abroad for a week, she's early 20s and i'm late. I am flattered that she has asked me to go but i'm just worried how it would work out as we are so different.

I am teetotal but she is a massive party animal (not said in a derogatory way as she is a very nice person).
She is the type who wants to be out every night drinking and getting with men, get in at 5,sleep and then do it all again.
I'm more of an athletic type and would rather be up early running. I do like going out dancing and I'm not a 'settled' type at all but i've always been like that.

She is also very bad with money and has asked me a few times to lend her £20, so i'm not sure how that would play out on the holiday.

I really hope this doesn't come across that I see myself as superior in any way because she is a great person, i'm just really not a drinker/hard partier.

Ive thought of saying I just cannot afford it but I know it's not good to lie (even if i'm not exactly rolling in money !)

I'm just worried it won't be as enjoyable for both of us as we have very different ideas.

What would others do ?

If it's not for you just say no.

Yeah maybe I am over thinking it !

You both sound very different so no, I would decline the invitation.

Yeah I guess I don't necessarily need to give an explanation, do I ?

Absolutely not, this has 'Disaster' written all over it. On holiday any small annoyances are magnified, and you'll be stuck together 24 hours a day, each resenting the other for 'ruining' the holiday. Even if you go out and do completely different things (you in the day, her in the night) you'll be disturbing each other.

Your holidays are precious, why waste them on something that has the potential to be horrific? If you dont want to be frank, you could say you don't have any holidays left, or that you're already planning to go away with another person (but then your plans mysteriously fall through ) so you can't commit to going with her.

Say to her your ideal holiday would be a walking holiday where you get up at dawn and walk twenty miles to the next town. Should you go ahead and book it for both of you? You won't hear another word about a holiday.

Lord, no, don’t do it!

@HollowTalk 😂😂
Yeah I agree it's really not a good idea, sadly as we work in a school we both get the same holidays so I can't use that reason, I'll just say it's a money issue.

Don't lie, just say no thanks.

I think a holiday can make or break a friendship and it sounds as though it might break yours. Say no so you can still work together amicably.

Just tell her what your ideal holiday is like, and she will probably back away from the idea.

Omg noooo do not go! I went on a 2 week girls holiday to Cuba (4 of us) and am no longer friends with two of them - all went downhill from there! We drove each other mad and I couldn't wait to come home. They were happy to spend all day everyday sat by the pool sunbathing. I wanted to keep busy swimming, going to the beach, going on trips, snorkelling etc. It became really awkward and really highlighted how different we are.

Why not say - "look, you like to party, I'm teetotal and an early riser, how do you see this holiday working?" Maybe she's not actually wanting a partying holiday.

I agree that holidays can really make or break things, i'd probably be happier going with someone who was also sportier and with whom we could maybe do our own thing sometimes, but sadly I don't think this is her. I'm sure she will have other friends who would love to go though.

That's true, I could just be direct and say that.

Not rude to decline a holiday invitation, for any reason.

YANBU to say a polite no, but (unless you already know this), is it worth finding out if she definitely intends it as a partying, late-night holiday? You never know, she might actually fancy something more in line with what you like doing.

A very good point that she may not want that sort of holiday, it didn't even occur to me to ask really.

Just say you've already planned what you're going to do with all your holiday allowance for the next year so don't have any spare to be able to fit in an extra holiday.

Just say you have no idea at the moment what you will be doing then cheekily smile, it's a technique I'm using a lot. She'll assume a relationship. I've just used it with my mum who didn't get the hint I admit

I'd just ask her what type of holiday she is thinking of going on. Tell her that while you appreciate the offer, you don't enjoy drinking/partying holidays and that you much prefer the type of holiday where you can do x, y or z (insert own activities here!) Say that if she also fancies doing x, y and z you'd be really glad to sit down with her one night and see if you can find something suitable for you both, but that you completely understand if that isn't her cup of tea.

I would ask her what sort of things she is thinking of as you would want an action packed sports holiday zero alcohol etc?

Probably unaffordable but you could say - like a skiing holiday...

Dont go, prob other people have turned her down and she's trying to find a willing victim to go with her.

I so agree about the walking holiday, up early ... or you could say you ve joined the National Trust and thinking about ancient monuments!

Do you want to spend your money on this, when you could be spending it on something you like or saving it.

“I’ve already got plans for my holiday” is all you need to say. Is it really that hard?

They were happy to spend all day everyday sat by the pool sunbathing. I wanted to keep busy swimming, going to the beach, going on trips, snorkelling etc. It became really awkward and really highlighted how different we are.

I've been away with friends, and we always agree we are not tied together at the hip, and dont have to stay together