Partner recorded me!!!!

[Lizziesnotsure]

Right here goes!!! I was messaging someone else, (nothing really just gossiping etc) I went out one night and he was out and I was very drunk. Basically had a kiss and a fumble.(yes I know it was wrong. Things have been shit. Shouldn't of happened, I know, please I don't want agro, just advice!!!) A friend came over the next day and we spoke about it. Unknown to me my partner had recorded the whole conversation. Yep heard everything!! So I was honest told the truth. Since then he has been up and down wanting re-assursance, as I've made him feel completely inicure about us. we do love eachother. We've been together 17yrs! Anyway 1. I'm concerned as he did this years ago record me whilst talking to a family member. 2. He's followed this guy to his home address after seeing out in the shop. This guy had children in the car!! Wtf do I do is this normal??? Has he recorded me more than I know!! Is this legal!! I'm on pins- yes I know I've caused it but I've been completely honest. I need advice!!!

No it's not legal.

Tbh if you're at the stage of kissing and fumbling in your relationship then it's probably time to end it and move on and that's without the recording.

What?

So you cheated and your partner recorded your private conversation and then followed this man.......

It's not illegal to record a conversation without permission if it's for personal use. However, your husband's behaviour is extremely controlling and I bet he's got spyware on your computer and is probably tracking you as well.

Just end your relationship, it’s a complete mess from all sides.

Yeah, there’s zero trust.

Call it a day.

Neither of you are in a good place.

You cant really blame him for being upset and insecure. I would be if I'd found out my dp had been kissing and fumbling about with someone else. No he shouldn't have recorded or followed the OM, but how many times have we all read on here about people reading other people's text messages or emails, or waiting outside of hotel rooms and houses to catch their partners out. Finding out your partner is cheating will sometimes drive people to desperate measures

The kiss and fumble aside... this isn’t a case of he recorded your personal conversation to find out details you weren’t telling him. He recorded your personal conversation with a family member years ago. Your recent actions haven’t made him insecure. If he’s recorded your personal conversations before, he’s been insecure for a long time. The trust is gone on his side and it’s been gone for a while, even before you deserved it to be gone (assuming no other indiscretions). I think you’ve put the final nail in the coffin. Is his insecurity the reason it’s been shit?

He’s angry that he’s finally had his assumptions confirmed. However, that is no reason to follow the other man. Especially when kids are involved. What is he planning on doing by following him? Following someone is usually done with the intent of confrontation, which would make me think he’s capable of violence. I’d be careful about how you extricate yourself from the relationship.

It this was a man...

No, I’m not actually going to start that crap and derail the thread. just want to say that before this usual crap starts getting spouted on here.

Leaving the cheating to the aide, I’m so sorry OP, but I reckon this man has been recording you for years and only mentioned it because he had something on you. What’s the chances of him just happening to record you when your making a confession to a friend? could never live with a controlling arsehole like that. As another poster says, he must likely has spyware on your computer and I would get your phone checked to make sure he hasn’t got a tracker on it or at least your find a friend enabled.

Maybe you should take your in advice Sohololopopo, if you’ve nothing constructive to say but just like the opportunity to feel smug whilst using a disablist slur.

You leave now. This relationship is now done. Fgs cheating on your long term partner is not an acceptable way to behave. Do the right thing and end the relationship. Have the ovaries to do it because you are not happy and havent been for a while.

your *on advice

*own ffs

And here they come. Sorry OP, you’ll get loads of posters jumping on the cheating bit, while ignoring his behaviour.

I don’t blame your partner. He obviously had well founded suspicions and needed something concrete.

You’re upset he’s betrayed you, but you’ve betrayed him. Call it a day and do both of you a favour.

Sounds like the trust has gone in the relationship, he doesn’t trust you not to cheat and you don’t trust him not to record you. Have you got children together?

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily you totally fucked up your reply there mind you. My slur seemed a little more constructive!

I wasn’t actually being horrible, I was well, just sayin’

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily his behaviour is obviously unacceptable. So his hers. She said she is unhappy and so cheated. That’s enough to leave him. She should leave him. She shouldnt now be focused on what he did. She should remain focused on the fact she said she wasnt happy in the relationship. And leave.

Wow ! Does he stop at recording conversations ? Maybe time to check for the cameras too.

Is this the first time you've cheated on him?

Wow, how creepy ... very controlling and stalking type behaviour. I think, in the adapted words of CBeebies, "The time has come to say goodbye" and I think you might need to have a phone app for personal safety after you've said goodbe.

Suggest changing mobile, and getting your PC checked and poss your house for hidden cameras.

Which man did he follow, the family member or the guy you had a fumble with? How did he record you, on your phone?

Recording your conversation...hmm? Well it may be that he overheard you and wanted concrete evidence of it later to:
A) force you to admit the truth
B) use if you part ways e.g. divorce reasons
If that was the only time he’s recorded you, then I think it was probably for the first reason above.

Following the other man smacks of jealousy and your husband is struggling to process his feelings. He wants to blame the OM for your indiscretions as it’s less painful. He wants the ward off the OM and ‘claim back his territory’. Make the OM feel threatened into backing off.

This is not healthy.

To be honest, your ability to cheat says it all. Your excuse of being drunk is poor. ‘Basically a kiss and a fumble’ makes your actions sound less important than they are.
You actually threw an emotional grenade into your partner‘s life and want to know why he’s now acting up.

Your relationship is not healthy. It’s not secure. It’s not even all that safe but the sound of it. So I agree with pp that it’s probably signaling the end.

Fumble... 🤢🤣

Look, it's not great. But, and the advice would be the same if you were a man, if your partner is recording you and following people (so probably tracking/following you as well), I'm not shocked that you've lost your marbles a little and made a poor choice. It is what it is, it's done, don't do it again.

Have you considered leaving? Are you married, is your home in your name or his? If not married and the lease is in his name, moving out would be an elegant solution to both get you away from him and also any recording devices.