Normal family Christmas

[Thehouseintheforest]

I have done nothing other than read awful (as in sad, terrible, weird, and self indulgent) stories of various Christmas plans..
Am I the only one who ;

Would never want or need a 'Christmas to ourselves'
Love all my brothers and SIL
Would LOVE to spend Christmas with my IN laws if they were still alive (and did until they died)
Look forward to my mother and step dad visiting..

Am I alone in being the last person in the UK with Zero Christmas hassle despite being the step parent to 5 and the mother of three ?

Sorry don't know what that means

It sounds lovely but not everyone is like your family.

Maybe you're their Xmas hassle

That’s nice.

Some of us don’t have a family, at least try not to be smug.

Yes, yes you are.

Hth.

Am I the only one who ;
*
Would never want or need a 'Christmas to ourselves*

Maybe this puts pressure on your family and kids and you're that relative/parent/in-law.

I agree, OP and feel and am the same as you. I don't think that you're gloating at all. OP is saying that there is a lot of drama and negativity around some people's Christmas plans and she enjoys it as it is with no drama. I'm the same.

You are very lucky.

Me & Ds will spend a lovely Xmas day together, and my house full of food and warmth & music, is open house to my friends and relations if they are at a loose end. We are also very lucky. I love xmas.

However I suffered two xmas with spiteful & narcissistic in laws. It was exhausting & miserable. So I understand both sides.

Enjoy your happiness and give thanks!

If you are so happy about your Christmas why start a thread about how others are not?
Seems odd.

Congratufuckinglations

Thank you Bbq1 . I am definitely not gloating. My step dad has terminal bowel cancer, my DH has (thankfully) not (at the moment life threatening) prostate cancer. I have a non-verbal autistic DSS who lives with us.. so life COULD be a lot rosier .. just think people need to stop making dramas ... and to make a huge effort to try and find a way to be good to each other .

.. and really stop focussing in the small stuff..all those people who annoy you.. how would you feel if they were no longer there. I guess that's where my thread comes from

Thehouseintheforeat, I'm so sorry to hear about your stepdad, husband and stepson. I think you're inspirational in fact to still find the joy in Christmas despite everything at home. I've had my fair share of difficulties in life and it makes you focus on the special family times more.

and really stop focussing in the small stuff..all those people who annoy you.. how would you feel if they were no longer there. I guess that's where my thread comes from

Well my bastard abusive father is six feet under, so that cheers me up no end. My neglectful mother is stacked on top, so, meh. 🤷‍♀️ Maybe I could invite my three abusive brothers, that would be nice. Of course I’ll have to lock my wee lass in another room in one of two of them, molest or rape her, but sure it’s Christmas. 🍆

I am going to be charitable OP and assume you have been brought up within a functional and "normal" family.

This would explain your lack of empathy with those of us who have abusive families. You are literally unable to imagine the pain of those of us who have struggled every day with abusive parents.

Do you think your narrative of "shut the fuck up" will help or harm children of abusive parents?

"Christmas to ourselves" is quite normal in my family and amongst my circles, it's not personal, what's weird about it?

I just want to focus on the good. Not the things that have passed and the things that cannot be changed..
if people don't deserve you then cut them off .
If they do but are tricky try and focus on the positive.

Not sure I see the point of this Op- you do realise some peoples families are physically and/or emotionally abusive? Seeing the best in things and committing to get along with people that don't allow you to be yourself or who have hurt you in ways that have altered your mental health is a task most cannot achieve just through optimism. Indeed, therapy and medication rarely even cuts the mustard.

For someone who's point seems to be that they exhibit understanding and reap the benefits you are showing a real lack of empathy for the multitude of dynamics that mean some do not feel able to see their families or get on with them.

I'm not saying you are gloating OP but clearly your comments have caused a drama here, so the drama free life isn't going that well. The best way to steer clear of it is to resolve to not share negative opinions about what others are doing compared to you.

You are very lucky that you and your family are close.
I wish the same was true of my family.
Christmas is a very difficult time for many many people, I personally feel dreadfully lonely and sad because of family dynamics. I see lots of families like yours and always wonder what it must be like.
Wishing you and your family the best time and better health.

I'm with you op I love spending Christmas with family and people that mean something to you. Are we not allowed post nice threads on here? Just all negative stuff. You're not on your own

Stop focusing on the small stuff.

Errr.. minimising other people’s misery and loneliness isn’t kind. I’m glad you are happy but no need to criticise

I just want to focus on the good

What's not good about a small family Christmas though? We don't have issues with our family but we're all pretty dispersed and enjoy small low key christmases amongst our nuclear families, you do realise Christmas is 3 days a year and plenty of other times to see family? We just don't make it an obligation, people put too much expectation on Christmas we like to keep it low key. You're projecting.

Women to the vast majority of planning, preparation and emotional work around Christmas, for both sides of the family. I never see men negotiating with their FILs about who will host who / cook what / buy what / drive where or when.

And MN is a supportive place to vent.

So of course many families manage Christmases with little more than an eye roll or a sigh, but they don’t require a thread.