Dealing with sociopath co-worker

[Issueswithcolleague]

Name changed for this is case co-worker is on here.

New colleague joined Company 3 years ago. Very capable at her job when she focuses but has to make everything about her which has cost her any credibility in a professional sense. Lots of lying etc & drama. She ticks every box on the description of a sociopath and at the very least is narcisstic.

I nearly quit my job this year as she is so vile. She spread some nasty lies about me, including one that could have got me suspended from work and potentially dismissed. She admitted to our manager that she had lied but said that it was my fault not hers as I didn't trust her (she was having a strop because she found out that I had been to a meeting where something confidential had been discussed and had not told her - no business reason for her to know & I take my integrity seriously). Some of the other things she has said in her one-to-one include telling me that I'm jealous that her bump clearly shows she gets more sex than me, that I must be jealous as I can only produce boys and she is having a girl, asked a colleague if she should report me to social services as my son is forced to walk home on his own fro school (he's 14 & it's 10 minute walk!!)

My boss did NOTHING about this as she said that she had protected characteristics and could not be touched. I went to HR and they said it was my managers decision but that we had to be careful as she could have a tribunal claim if we take any action. If I'm honest, they all know how dangerous she is and are happy it is being directed at me and not them.

Anyway, we have had about 7 months of peace as she has been on mat leave. Office has been a great environment & everyone getting on & supporting each other.

I can't face working with her again as it caused me so much stress and upset (above was tip of iceberg) so resolved to find a new job before she comes back to work. I love my Company and am working on a great project.

She was due back in April but has now announced she is coming back after Christmas. I haven't even started job hunting yet. I ran to the loo & burst in to tears at the news that she is coming back as there is no way I'll get a new job by then & can't afford to be jobless.

I know boss will be no help dealing with her & HR have said that there is nothing they can do if boss isn't prepared to deal with it.

My gut feeling (hope more than anything else) is that she is coming back as her maternity pay has run out. I'm hoping that her plan is to come back for a few days and then go on the sick as she will then get paid. Post-natal depression is the only symptom of maternity she hasn't had yet except pre-eclampsia & only cause you can't fake that!).
However, how do I cope for the next few months with her?

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with a sociopath in the workplace?

That all sounds dreadful. I have no advice, but I didn't want you to feel ignored and hopefully my response will move your thread up the page again so that someone who can be more helpful than I can, will see it.

Good luck!

If she is that nasty can you ask now for HR to help you.?

Start writing down in front of her anything inappropriate she says. Keep a work diary and surely presenting 'evidence' will mean something has to be done?
I have ever worked in a work environment but surely she is classed as a bully?

Why is she so untouchable?

Is she back full time or part time?
Could you ask a manager to make sure she's not sat close to you?

Op in the gentlest way, you've been to HR and they're supporting this woman, not you. That isn't going to change.

You need to be really pro active now in finding another job. You have a month which should be enough to get some interviews in, or if worst comes to worst, look at temping until you find something else.

You have told her too much. How does she know your son is 14 or walks home from school?
"I don't discuss my personal life at work"
"Please confine our conversations to work related matters"
"That's not appropriate in the workplace"
etc.

She says she is coming back full time. I can't avoid her as I supervise her team.

She claims to have suffered from anxiety years ago and when I complained about her before, she told our manager & HR that she had 2 protected characteristics (pregnancy & mental health) and was therefore untouchable.

Boss won't do anything about her - i think it's in case she comes after him. HR keep saying it's boss's decision & they can't do anything without a complaint. I did put in a complaint last year as I was at breaking point and their 'solution' was to suggest that I suck it up as she was due to go on maternity leave a few weeks later.

I'm resigned to the fact that nobody will help me so i just need some coping strategies until I can get out of there. This morning I burst in to tears as I pulled in to the car park at the thought of having to work with her again. The best solution that I've come up with is to live in hope that she's only coming back early as her mat pay has run out & that if she comes back & goes sick she will get sick pay.

She said she wants to come back full time but with flexibility in her hours. I asked boss what that meant. He said she will work 37.5 hours but will decide what she works on a daily basis as to what suits her. I said this was not acceptable as I need to be able to plan her work & make sure we meet client deadlines. Boss feels we should give it a try...

He said she will work 37.5 hours but will decide what she works on a daily basis as to what suits her. I said this was not acceptable as I need to be able to plan her work & make sure we meet client deadlines. Boss feels we should give it a try...

WTAF?? Would he do this for anyone else in the workplace?? I bet not. What a wimp.

What does her contract say re working hours? Being pg and having MH problems may be protected characteristics (are they?) but it still doesn't mean that she can treat everyone at work like shit. Sounds like everyone is scared of her.

Are you a union member?

Op I’m sorry. On a practical note I’d look at the firm’s grievance policy and any bullying policy. I’d read through and see if it looks like what has happened is covered by it and what the potential consequences are. I’d also make sure you’ve documented everything that has happened. Then once you have all the information you can decide whether it’s worth trying to fight or whether looking for a new job is the best option for you. They are obviously concerned about her taking them to an employment tribunal. The only way to fight that is to make sure you have a similar or better claim. Also the more evidence you provide against her the more grounds the firm has for taking action but I know in reality it’s not that simple.

You have to make it your mission to find another job. You have to bluff it out with her until you do, and tell her nothing about your personal life (don't give someone a stick to beat you with). When she gets back to her desk, she will be more cranky most-probably with a baby making her tired, and she may slip up with her work performance. She isn't the brightest tool in the box if she thinks she determines the sex of a baby anyway, is she? Obviously slept her way through GCSE biology.

She wouldn't pick on you if you were not a perceived threat. You are a target because she is jealous of you, but that does not make her conduct any less professional. From years in various office shark tanks, my advice is to go grey rock and ignore her. She can only hurt you and get satisfaction from that if you let her and keep all communication to a minimum. Imagine how satisfying it will be to tell her you are leaving when you find another job...which of course you are free to embelish with payrises, better hours and more professional engagement however you want!

Mental health has to have an adverse effect on her ability to carry out her normal everyday activities for it to be considered a disability and therefore a protected characteristic.
She’s got 6 months after giving birth too.
I do think a previous poster is right though, you’ve raised this with HR and they’ve done nothing, so she either knows where the bodies are buried, or you have a very weak and ineffective management structure that is tolerating her bs, so you need to get out.
I can pretty much guarantee that in your kind of workplace, that if she goes she’ll be replaced by someone just as bad.

Thanks all. They are scared of her. Everyone walks on eggshells around her.

I've already decided that I will be looking for a new job. As well as getting a way from her, I don't want to work for a Company that will not support me. The behaviour I put up with before she went on mat leave has been documented & sent to HR & my boss by email so that I had a trail in case they ever denied being made aware. HR say it is for my boss to deal with, he says let's give her a chance - motherhood may have improved her!!!

I know it is unlikely that any jobs are going to be advertised this side of Christmas so it is likely that I will have to work with her for at least 2 months - Jan & Feb while I apply for a job & work my notice.

I've read up on how to deal with a sociopath in the workplace & the advice was run for the hills...! I've accepted that she is coming back & i will have to deal with it on my own for at least 2 months so was hoping for some advice & strategies.

Oh, and nobody else gets to dictate their hours. I've told my boss I don't care what she works but it has to be consistent each week. Her response was apparently to call me a bully!

I've told my boss I don't care what she works but it has to be consistent each week. Her response was apparently to call me a bully!

So your boss told her that you'd said she has to work the same hours, she told him you were a bully, and your boss reported back to you what she'd said?

You have a boss problem. What a useless, spineless twit. In the first place, HE should have told her the company's policy for working hours. And he should have reprimanded her for calling you a bully, and then NOT told you what she'd said. What a drip.

You have my sympathy.

It sounds like you're suffering with some work related stress and anxiety yourself from this situation. There's absolutely no shame in taking time off yourself if it gets too much for you. Like a previous poster said, keep a diary of dates and times of anything that happens that shouldn't. Neither pregnancy nor anxiety protect you from disciplinary action.

All I can say is i truly hope having a baby has given her some perspective on life and shes much nicer to deal with when she comes back. Stranger things have happened

I'd suggest to your boss he works out how you are going to handle this together, as his failure to adress it before so far has been a problem , it is seriously affecting you , and you dont want to have to report him to HR. His not adressing issues is the problem not her. this you need to stress with him.

My experience is hr never want to deal with generalised problem people, they need specific problems to adress, so you are going to have to become that problem , everytime she does something that is reportable, send in the report. But someone just saying crap things is something you will have to ignore. Be professional in your dealings with her, keep records and if shes annoying you ask her about the baby.

It's hard.

Allocate her workload in writing. Only engage with her for work/task specific discussions.

If you're required to have meetings, always have a third party present.

If she attempts to denigrate or speaks badly about you and it filters back to you, send an email to her, HR and the boss and request a meeting to clear it up. That'll put her on notice.

It'll be hard and she will possibly be worse before it's better, but just smile, nod and grit your teeth.

Check out any anti-bullying policies and refer to them in any written correspondence.

How on earth is she going to get childcare when she is planning to work whatever hours take her fancy on each particular day?
You are right - sometimes you just have to go. Been there.
Good luck. Things will be so much better when you have moved.

If you're bursting into tears at the thought of working with her I'd go to the doctors and see if they can sign you off for stress / anxiety. Then go back to HR with the sick note, plus the record of everything she has already done to you, and ask them how they are going to support you.

You have been badly let down by your boss and HR. Personally, every time your boss bats an issue back to you (like the flexible working hours), bat it back to him asking how/why (and do this via email). Keep it professional with her as Pp have advised and personally l would communicate via email (so you have written proof).

If it does start getting too much, then I would visit my GP and get signed off with stress; and you are, crying at the prospect of her return is not healthy (I truly empathise as she is awful).

Are you part of a union? If you are, I would ask for advise because I think you could probably raise a grievance yourself in their inadequacy.

#advice! Dam autocorrect!

Another one advising to see your GP.
She sounds like an absolute nightmare and it's so bad she is protected. As PP's said, document everything, do not converse with her about anything other than work and if she starts, greyrock her.

OP would you consider asking this thread to be moved to Employment Issues section? There are some wise advisors who may have some suggestions on top of the advice you have received here. All the best, sounds dreadful

What happens if you report your boss to HR, and ask that they give him some proper advice. It's not on that he's proposing special treatment on her hours which goes against your business need, and you can point out that it would be a slippery slope to start giving in.

You've got to be the consummate professional here - document, document, document. Bring everything back to business need. Grey rock, but maybe a raised eyebrow at a request or statement which is obviously counter to best practice for X and y reasons - you know the sort of thing.

Focus on what you need to do to get the best out of that team - it'll help you avoid focusing on what she's trying to do, and the fallout from you actively managing everyone's performance to the same standard may well be that she either gives up and leaves, or over-reaches herself to the point where she can be summarily fired.

Finally - the squeaky wheel gets the grease. She's squeaking at the moment, but you should too. Document every instance of inappropriate behaviour to your boss, copying in HR, stating that this behaviour needs to be addressed because it's detrimental to the work of the team, or detrimental to the morale of y and z - etc etc - and asking what actions he plans to take, or what he would like you to do. Do it every single time. He's ignoring her problems by making them yours - put them all firmly back in his lap.

@Issueswithcolleague if I was you I'd beat her to it and go off sick with stress. It will give you time to job hunt. Sorry you're in this position.