Update 3 - it’s been a long few days

[Coronade]

So update from when I told him I knew about the affair and I need advice please.
He refused to move out and is in the box room. I think he thinks he can wear me down if he’s still here.
He is being super nice, got my monthly cheque for bills and housekeeping off him today without asking. He also sold his classic car yesterday and the garage are paying the money into my account.

I’m just acting normal indoors but it’s so hard. I had a total crash Monday night and literally cried all night until 9am the next day. I just couldn’t stop. He is driving me mad. Keeps kneeling on the floor in front of me 😩 he text me “I love you” - I did laugh at this one and wondered whether to reply “have you got the right number”. He’s never text me this in the 27 yrs we’ve been together.

Keeps asking for a second chance. Says he can’t live without me and his family. I just keep repeating that I can never trust him again and will always resent him and I don’t want to live like that. He just says , no you will in time 😩
I found a promise list he’s written in the back of his diary today of all the things he’s going to promise to be.
I really don’t give a 💩 about his promises, it’s over and I just want him to accept it. He was meant to tell his mum last night as well and didn’t ( didn’t feel right). Don’t know if he’s still talking to the OW but I keep telling him he can still see her, my thinking being if he is still with her he might leave me alone.
He keeps trying to hug me too which I hate I just stand there like a brick. How do I get through to him? As we are all living in the house I really want to keep it as civil as possible..
DD has been great she said “he wasn’t thinking about how much he loves you when he was off shagging her or being a total prick to us”.
Any advice would be great, the mopping around like a sick puppy dog act is wearing* very thin. He’s also going for the ill sympathy vote as apparently he fainted at work today.

Hi
I’m ok. I’m in the angry stage now. I feel like he’s got away with it all so lightly. He’s still messaging the OW everyday and saw her yesterday. He reckons it’s just someone to talk to but really. He’s proclaiming his undying love to me then still meeting her!!
Her little happy family life hasn’t been 💩 all over like mine either which is really peeing me off.
I told his mum Wednesday. She was devastated and so upset I hadn’t told her how awful he’s been for so long. She agreed with me that there is no going back. But she still made him dinner that night when he took her home. I was not expecting her to disown him but at least give him a hard time for a bit.
After the meet with OW yesterday and him trying to sneak in his nice clothes ( he really must think I’m stupid) I’ve told him he has to move into the doer upper. He has agreed so just need to get the boiler working and a single bed and fridge freezer for him.
The sale of our house fell through this week too which was a real blow but I’m going to leave it now and put it back on in January. He said he will support me financially but as I don’t get a pension for 17 yrs I told him that was an unrealistic promise as he could meet someone younger and have another family, we have no idea what the future holds. But at least he isn’t being horrible about money. Just want him out now so I can start healing and get my head sorted out. Thanks again everyone for your words of advice. The thought of starting all over again is terrifying and I really don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone but can’t imagine being able to trust a man again and anyone wanting a soon to be 50, menopausal women ( unless they need to visit spec savers 😂) but who knows what the universe has in store for me.
Just as a side note I went to see a clairvoyant last year and she predicted we would separate in November 19. She also said everything would be ok so I’m trusting her words. Here’s hoping 2020 is a good year for all of us xxx

@Coronade get him to that other house pronto. He can buy his own bloody bed. You know that saying - made your bed now lay in it. Not your responsibility to sort out his cosy new house. When is he going? I'm glad you're harnessing your anger. Seeing as he is still seeing the OW, it's probably time you let her poor husband know. They are still meeting thinking that they've got away with it.

Everything WILL be okay. You will find life without that leech of an individual SO much better. You will feel less alone without him in your life than you were with him treating you like shit! Especially now you’ve found your ladyballs and have put him in the bin!

How are you doing? Hope you're feeling better xx

How was Xmas OP?

He still hasn’t moved out 😩
Still painting and cleaning the doer upper but he has picked up a fridge freezer, sofa and bed and bought house bits so finally think he will go soon. The Sky tv is being set up 20th and it’s his birthday soon after so I’m sure he will want to be in by then so they can go away for a romantic weekend. Still being selfish as only leaving as it suits him.
The OW has apparently told her husband last week that she wants a divorce and is moving into a friends spare room. I’m not convinced this is true though. My DD is giving him a really hard time and he had a go at her Saturday saying he “didn’t f**king deserve to be ignored and she was out of order”. This is as she’s just got in the car with him for a driving lesson. He made out to me that he spoke to her very nicely and just asked her to open upto him!! I told her that he has destroyed her family and she hates lying and she can be as angry with him as she wants for as long as she wants. Later on DD text him saying he hasn’t changed, is still being aggressive and lying and that she was going to tell the OW’s husband as he’s being lied too as well . Hence the story of OW splitting from husband. 💩 did admit that her husband doesn’t know about the affair. At least this will have made OW panic. I had noticed she’d blocked me off her husbands Facebook 😂
OW has also changed 💩 heads phone so I can’t snoop anymore (and blocked me off his social media 🙄) but he’s convinced I’m tracking him somehow which is amusing me no end. He went out with her all day Friday buying house bits (I knew he was with her as the shop receipts were for miles away and he’s never bought a thing in one of these shops in his life) so I asked him if he’d had a nice day with her!! Totally sent him mad about how do I always know when he sees her etc. I’ve been with him for 27yrs, I can read him like a book. Same can’t be said about him in relation to me though.
Christmas was one day and I got through it. Decorations were all down the day after Boxing Day. His mum only came for the day ( she normally stays for a few) because she couldn’t face it ( this pissed me off too - felt like saying don’t bother coming at all)l then). I don’t think mil or 💩 head have told anyone yet either.
I actually feel really calm now. I know once he leaves I will be better as I keep wanting to snoop ( always checking WhatsApp to see when they are on it like a mad women) but I’m trying to stop this now as it is ridiculous on my part.
The fact I’m so calm in myself already ( I’ve already moved in from the sad break up songs to stuff like chukka Jan “aint nobody” I forgot how good that song is) 😂) makes me realise this is so the right thing for me. I haven’t lived him for a long time. At least now I hopefully still have time to meet someone new and be in a loving relationship. Thanks for asking how I am x

Oh please keep winding him up if he thinks you're tracking him.

A little bit of petty revenge never hurt anyone

Oh lord I've got one of these leeches on my hands... gaslighted me for 4 months the affair is just rumours we are just friends. Going around like a wounded animal. Crying, shaking, on his knees professing love. Made me think I was crazy!
Then the big confession.. discovery day! 4th January 2020. Minimised of course I had been told they had been at it 4/5 years and he confessed to 2 years with breaks in between. Has never slept with her just kissing 🙄 (how big of fools do they think we are) still all about him post confession. Still the injured party still the wounded animal. When I said I couldn't forgive it, it's all my fault for breaking up the family. You see he says you see I knew there was no forgiveness in you that's why I didn't tell you! Again my fault
He couldn't be honest.
Mouse of a man I've a bigger pair of balls myself.
Advice- read the chump lady book.. leave a cheater gain a life. (This will give you strength. I've also started to meditate and keep a daily journal of the shit storm so I can look back and remember why I'm so glad to have the bastard out of my life. Also still in same house 🤯

Deffo keep winding him up, let him be the paranoid one for a change! Totally get the whole checking whats app to see when online, but it isn't healthy! I have only just realised that over the last few days and have deleted a lot of people off there and FB etc to try and change my anxiety issues! So good to hear the end is in sight but must be so hard for you with him still in the house! And how dare he think that DD is in the wrong in any way, he needs a reality check, idiot! So pleased to hear how much happier you are though, hope 2020 is a much better year for you! :)

It’s amazing how much stronger I feel every day. Everyone I see says I look 10 yrs younger. Amazing what loosing a 12 stone, abusing bully can do for your health and looks 😂
House is going back on the market this week so 🤞🍀 and onwards and upwards. I saw a really good quote the other day “ there are far far better things ahead then any we leave behind”. This is my new moto x

Well done.
I'm so glad you are feeling so much stronger.
You sound truly amazing, as does your daughter!
Keep at it.
Keep strong.
Stay focused!
Go you!!!!