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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What makes a great OLD profile?

62 replies

FantailsFly · 27/11/2019 21:10

I want to help my friend (male) find a girlfriend and dating apps seems the place to start. To mumsnetters who use OLD, what makes a profile stand out? I’m sure it’s not one size fits all but I’m hoping there are some common themes. He’s 30 so looking around that age. Thanks!

OP posts:
LittlePanda1 · 28/11/2019 18:48

@MikeUniformMike you have great advice!

I'm 30 & a woman trying OLD - not having much luck 🤣 can you throw some tips my way please? Haha

PorpentinaScamander · 28/11/2019 18:51

Agree with what everyone has said. No cheesy tag line things, "I'm the one you've been waiting for" type message.

One of the best profiles I ever read said that it was written by a friend it started something like "I have no idea what to say about me so my friend has written this..."
I personally found it made a more honest profile. Dont only list positives, we all know Mr Perfect doesn't exist!

And like a PP... I'm 34, f, 2 teen DC and in the South East Grin

PorpentinaScamander · 28/11/2019 18:51

I'm 35!

FantailsFly · 28/11/2019 19:16

East London ... hipsterish ... Scandinavian ... great cook ... Anyone ...? Smile (Although I hear you’re not meant to date the thread!)

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:21

@LittlePanda1, are you female?

If you are, you are in the right age group, as you are of Child Bearing Age.- This will attract ugly 40+ weirdos who want children.

Do you have children? This will put off many manchildren but not all of them.

If you don't have children, watch out for the Disney Dad, who wants a EOWE nanny, he will probably not want children with you because he has Already Proved His Masculinity.

One child is more acceptable than more than one, if what male friends tell me, and a young child will be an asset as you have Proved That You Are Fertile, and will give a bit of the Madonna & Child touch. Also you'd be couple with a child not a family +mum's boyfriend.

Children might attract the married man looking for a bit of extra, as you will be busy with looking after your children, and, I hope, not in a hurry to introduce them to your new man.

I'm just being cynical of course, but I only posted a head shot and I got loads of messages. I am no oil painting and the years haven't been particularly kind. The photo was of me smiling and I have long hair. I think the smile and hair probably helped, but probably just being female was enough.
The men were 50ish, some not the best shape and looked old, some looked fine, most were divorced with children. I changed my postcode on my profile to a nicer neighbourhood. OK that's cheating but I don't want anyone following me home.

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:24

@LittlePanda1, and others, look on the OLD thread, I'm not on there so I don't know if they just discuss dates.

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:24

@FantailsFly, Grin Yes Please!

LittlePanda1 · 28/11/2019 19:25

@FantailsFly OMG! I'm east London too! he sounds good👌🏼
I'm 30, F, 1 child

@MikeUniformMike - Oh god I think I need to give up and buy another cat! Why did I think it would get easier as I got older?! Ha

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:26

Ooh hang on, 30, hipsterish, 50 hippyish. Maybe not.

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:29

@LittlePanda1, You can't BUY a cat , this is MN, it has to be from a rescue.

LittlePanda1 · 28/11/2019 19:30

@MikeUniformMike Sorry! I shall get 2 from a rescue to make up for my bad idea of buying. Sorry MN hangs head in shame

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:32

Once you get to know him, watch out for the slagging off of the ex.
" My ex is a psycho/liar" can be translated as " My ex has been subjected to my behaviour and I need to make it look like her word is not reliable".

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:35

Similarly " my ex has poisoned my children's mind and has denied access" is probably " i am not allowed access to my children for somne horrible reason". Not always true, but a red flag.

Justawaterformeplease · 28/11/2019 19:35

He should try Hinge - you have to like or comment on a specific photo or response, which tends to prompt more organic conversation.

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 19:36

@LittlePanda1. You could, but try to just get one pregnant one and hope for a big litter. Cut the OLD crap and just become a cat lady.

PorpentinaScamander · 28/11/2019 19:45

@FantailsFly a great cook you say... yes please! Grin

Zaphodsotherhead · 28/11/2019 19:56

He needs to be honest. If he loves D&D or fishing or his life revolves around art house cinema then he should at least mention it, rather than keep quiet. There will be women out there who ALSO love D&D, fishing and art house cinema (although probably not all three. That would be a very specific dating set).

nearlynermal · 28/11/2019 20:06

Mike: tattoos as in "Decoupaged with old Beano comics"? Seriously. Stuff came out my nose. If you don't earn your living as a humour columnist on a blue chip publication your skills are wasted.

Hecateh · 28/11/2019 20:08

Never say 'You will not be disappointed', 'I know what a (wo)man wants',or anything else that suggests there is a generic acceptable and 'YOU' are it.

Jane1978xx · 28/11/2019 20:08

Keep it very factual to what they like interests and hobbies etc etc. Or travel I’ve been to x and want for go to x. Nothing about spoiling or looking after anyone. Say he is looking for someone to share adventures with.

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 20:09

Why thank you!

MikeUniformMike · 28/11/2019 20:10

Oh god, " somebody to spoil". Get a bloody cat.

DownstairsMixUp · 28/11/2019 20:14

I disagree with hiding tattoos, I absolutely love tattoos on a guy and equally, some women don't. Hiding things is a bad thing. The photos should show who you are so no filters or sunglasses are the main ones for me.

Tell him to not message women "hi" and expect a reply. We get flooded on there.

stucknoue · 28/11/2019 20:20

I can tell him what not to do! Don't pose in front of a car/boat/plane especially when it's not yours, don't pose with a fish unless you a fisherman, no tops off photos and don't pretend to be something you aren't eg everyone runs marathons and nobody watches tv if you believe profiles. Finally put a clear photo without too much in the background.

Lampan · 28/11/2019 20:28

I would say:
No selfies at all, ESPECIALLY mirror or, even worse, bed selfies

No negativity at all (we all have dislikes but a dating profile is not the place to detail them). This includes the above-mentioned ‘no drama’ and reference to any exes.

Varied photos, if possible in a range of settings. Try to avoid backdrops of scruffy living rooms etc

If it is Tinder, Bumble etc, make sure he uses his real first name - I unmatch anyone if it becomes apparent they are using a nickname or fake name (wonder what they are hiding)

Some idea of his interests - provides things for people to ask about

No cats in photos (but that’s just me) Grin

NO MENTION OF: liking ‘nights in and nights out’ (don’t we all?!?), spooning or being the big spoon (urgh), anything to do with pineapple on pizzas, ‘banter’ (makes me think someone is incapable of serious conversation)

No photos with babies or kids along with a disclaimer such as ‘the kiddo is my niece’ - why include the photo then? someone might just glance at it and jump to conclusions.

... I’m sure I’ll think of more but there are my thoughts for now!